Third time a charm?

[okc85]

Clearly some of my comments have been flipped and taken out of context. To be crystal clear, neither my wife I walk all over each other in this marriage. We are equals and under no circumstances do I feel or believe it is ok to be cheated on or abused in any way.

 

 

There are many woman in the world who get involved with a$$hol3s that treat them like dirt and walk all over them, cheat on them, hit them, etc. I have two daughters that I don't want to ever be treated that way or feel it is acceptable to be treated that way. How I treat their mother will ultimately define what they will come to expect when they start dating - My oldest has dated already and tossed a couple losers to the curb for pulling BS that she knows I would not tolerate. My daughters have been taught that under no circumstances is lying ever acceptable. Treating my wife in a manner that demonstrates loyalty, commitment, integrity, and companionship does not make me a "Beta Male". It makes me a decent human being which I am good with. I don't correlate characteristics of dogs and chimps with humans - this does not mitigate or rationalize human behavior - we are far more evolved than this

 

 

Back up and look at the facts. I treated my wife well and she went to great lengths to conceal her affairs - both of them. The second more than the first. I gave her a second chance because humans make mistakes. The biggest issue I have with this is this isn't just a drunken oops. This was premeditated and carefully executed and it takes a special kind of person to pull off and live with it. I personally could not have a quickie at lunch with someone and come home and tell my wife I love her.

 

 

I'm in no way perfect. I've made mistakes (not one of this magnitude), learned from them, moved on. My kids are not aware of the first incident nor will they be unless she wants to tell them. They are aware of what is going on today and they will develop their own opinions and conclusions from what happens going forward. I do not condone this type of behavior and unfortunately there will be changes. It is going to suck for everyone but in the best interests of my daughters, they need to understand that this type of behavior is not tolerated or acceptable.

 

 

I've struggled with whether I tell his wife directly or not. I sent him a text message the other night and I know he's squirming right now - he deleted both his and his wife's facebook accounts. Maybe I'll hand deliver a Christmas card? I've never been one to gossip because nothing good ever comes of it. At this point, there is no benefit for me by telling his wife and this would only ruin her Christmas, his children's Christmas. His children are young enough that Santa is still real and I don't want to be the guy to ruin that for THEM. She'll eventually figure it out. I did.

 

 

 

Please keep in mind that Loveshack.org is full of hurting people. You are going to get skewed advice from us. People in happy, loving relationships don't usually cruise relationship message boards. I do not appreciate the people calling you beta.

 

You sound really smart, level-headed, compassionate and kind. Basically, everything a good person (male or female) should be.

 

Do what is best for you and your family. I wish you the best of luck during this hard time in your life.

[Trotters]

Please keep in mind that Loveshack.org is full of hurting people. You are going to get skewed advice from us. People in happy, loving relationships don't usually cruise relationship message boards. I do not appreciate the people calling you beta.

Thats because some spouses dont know theyre being cheated on. As soon as they know theyll be on here too

[fellini]

You seem to be missing the point the poster was making. It's not about the hurtin people in here, its about the name calling.

 

There are many BS's in here who whether they did it or not, have only one real piece of advice: Leave a cheating spouse.

 

And in the past few weeks a new metaphor to get that same message across has been to call those who get cheated on, and who wish to reconcile: Alpha vs. Beta.

 

So the only real men here are ALPHA's who walk away from their cheatin' spouses and take them to the cleaners with their lawyers, and are advised take out the AP, their family, their pets, and their jobs with them. These are REAL MEN in CONTROL - everyone wants to be, or should want to be an ALPHA MAN.

 

Needless to say, it's nauseating how often Alpha / Beta is used as the excuse for why people were cheated on. This coming from BS's who should know better than to blame the victim.

 

Essentially there exists a total of TWO types of men on the planet (and lo and behold, one of them is a total wimp - our beta trope), and by the looks of it only ONE for woman. "A woman who craves an Alpha male.

 

So basically the formula is pretty simple:

ALPHA MALE + Woman craving Alpha Male = Good Partnership

BETA Male + Woman craving Alpha Male = About to become WW (but it's your fault for not being ALPHA)

 

 

 

 

Thats because some spouses dont know theyre being cheated on. As soon as they know theyll be on here too

Edited December 26, 2014 by fellini

[happyman64]

AP

 

I know you are hurting but I do think you are making the right decision to terminate the marriage.

 

Your WW needs tough consequences. She needs tough love.

 

I do hope you change your mind and notify the OM's wife. She deserves to know and he deserves to have the affair exposed.

 

I am sure your 2015 will be better than this year.

 

Maybe you will just drop her off at the OM's house.

 

She deserves it.

 

HM

[flowergirl14]

As a bs I would want to know if my spouse were cheating. Let the om's wife know. Chances are his wife has been wondering why he is acting like such a prick to her. I know you have a lot on your plate but really people need to know who they are dealing with. Your a decent guy and i choose you anyday over a husband who lies cheats and abuses his family. If she didnt like your mannerisms, kindness and love well she had 15 years to tell you. Her loss!

[Spectre]

You should of dropped her the moment she cheated. I do hope you divorce her, this woman is toxic.

[toolforgrowth]

You should of dropped her the moment she cheated. I do hope you divorce her, this woman is toxic.

 

Agreed.

 

Dude, she cheated not once, but twice. That's a pattern right there. She'll do it again and you know it.

 

Do NOT sleep with her. Do NOT be romantic. Detach, detach, detach. And divorce.

[mikethemechanic]

I think a lot of it comes down to alcohol my ex-wife used to go out for drinks with her girlfriends and all of her girlfriends just happened to be cheating on their husbands I actually found a text from one of her girlfriends asking her if she doesn't get tired of having sex with one person?

So you need to ask yourself how much influence plays into this; who are her girlfriends and are they cheating on their husbands did they influence your wife to cheat on you?