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For Anyone Who Has Ever Been CHEATED On...Is This A BAD Idea?

bubblygrl5

By bubblygrl5
in General Relationship Discussion

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bubblygrl5 Established Member

bubblygrl5

Posted
Posted

For those of you who have been cheated on...I know you can relate to me when I say that reminders of it can easily bring back a lot of negative feelings.

 

It happened to me 2 yrs. ago, and my bf and I have been working it out. Things are really good btwn. the two of us right now. He cheated on me during a summer trip to Europe. I found out when he got back (he was away 3 months), and I was devastated. Its been a lot of work...but one thing I could not stand for the longest time was hearing people talk about Europe. Weird...I know. But it stirred up memories.

 

Well, I have finished school and worked for a while, and have saved enough money to treat myself to something. Surprisingly, I have decided to travel Europe this summer. Not to screw around or anything...just to visit a new and beautiful place while I am young and do not have a family.

 

Part of me wants to go alone, part wants to go with girl friends, and part of me wants to take my bf. My sister thinks that taking my bf is a BAD idea...she says being there with him will drive me nuts. It'll remind me everyday of what happened.

 

I cannot decide what I want to do. What if I do go there and get reminded of it? Or it might be a once in a lifetime experience to share it with him.

 

What to do.......

 

Bubbly

laRubiaBonita Established Member

laRubiaBonita

Posted
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i would go with my sister! :D:D maybe that is her secret plan.

 

going with a bf/ so will lead to fights, although i am sure it would be sorta fun, and nice to be there with your guy, but go with a group of gf's. that would be sooo much better!

RecordProducer Established Member

RecordProducer

Posted
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Okay, this is like asking someone "Should I be hungry after 5 hours since breakfast and would I like to eat a burger?"

If you have forgiven your boyfriend his infidelity and if you think you would have a great time with him, because you always have a great time, then why not take him? If you think you would have more fun with your friends then take them.

I hope you're not going to pay for him if you decide to go with him.

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bubblygrl5 Established Member

bubblygrl5

Posted
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Posted
Originally posted by laRubiaBonita

i would go with my sister! :D:D maybe that is her secret plan.

 

going with a bf/ so will lead to fights, although i am sure it would be sorta fun, and nice to be there with your guy, but go with a group of gf's. that would be sooo much better!

 

My sis just got back, so I don't think she can afford to go again in June...but maybe secretly that is the plan! :) Most of my gf's are in SERIOUS relationships where I cannot peel them off their bf's for a second...much less for 6 weeks at a time.

 

Would going alone be horrible???

 

Bubbly

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bubblygrl5 Established Member

bubblygrl5

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Originally posted by RecordProducer

Okay, this is like asking someone "Should I be hungry after 5 hours since breakfast and would I like to eat a burger?"

If you have forgiven your boyfriend his infidelity and if you think you would have a great time with him, because you always have a great time, then why not take him? If you think you would have more fun with your friends then take them.

I hope you're not going to pay for him if you decide to go with him.

 

I wouldnt be paying for his airfare or anything! I mean, if we were there...obviously I would pay for some of his stuff...just as he would pay for some of mine...but that's how we do things here anyway.

 

I have forgiven him...but I'm wondering if we will have fights there - knowing that that was where the cheating happened.

 

We don't really fight about it here anymore...so I'm not sure if over there we would have a spectacular time, or a miserable one. But I don't think there is anyone else I want to share that experience with.

 

Bubbly

laRubiaBonita Established Member

laRubiaBonita

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i meant fights, as in the unavoidable "Travelling Fights".

 

going by yourself could be fun, i would be intimidated.

GirlDown Established Member

GirlDown

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go by yourself.

 

it's a sense of freedom you may never again have.

 

you may even realize when you're there that you don't need to be with anyone, least of all someone who cheated on you while out of the country.

 

maybe you're happy in your relationship, but what an awesome starting over point this would be be for you.

 

i think going with friends is fun too, but there's nothing like being alone and not having to answer to anyone.

 

he travels the fastest who travels alone...i think that was rudyard kipling, and he was right.

 

go for it. i wish i was going again!

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bubblygrl5 Established Member

bubblygrl5

Posted
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Posted
Originally posted by GirlDown

go by yourself.

 

it's a sense of freedom you may never again have.

 

you may even realize when you're there that you don't need to be with anyone, least of all someone who cheated on you while out of the country.

 

maybe you're happy in your relationship, but what an awesome starting over point this would be be for you.

 

i think going with friends is fun too, but there's nothing like being alone and not having to answer to anyone.

 

he travels the fastest who travels alone...i think that was rudyard kipling, and he was right.

 

go for it. i wish i was going again!

 

Maybe I should PM you about it...but did you go by yourself? And was it scary at all? I really want to do it by myself too...but I'm just not sure if it's safe or what. I sort of feel like I'm at a point in my life when I need some independence like that....

 

Bubbly

JoL Established Member

JoL

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Hey there, well i went to europe on my own..best thing i ever did!

I actually joined a contiki tour group and made SO many new friends. It was the best time ever!

I highly recommend it :)

GirlDown Established Member

GirlDown

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by JoL

Hey there, well i went to europe on my own..best thing i ever did!

I actually joined a contiki tour group and made SO many new friends. It was the best time ever!

I highly recommend it :)

 

 

see?

 

;)

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bubblygrl5 Established Member

bubblygrl5

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Okay, I am like 99% swayed to go by myself now! I could use a little advice though...umm...so what exactly do you do after you get off the plane? :)

 

My friend is getting married in England...so I am goign there first..and then I want to go to France, Spain, and then Italy.

 

Is there a way to travel with a group, will I meet people along the way...or is there any more info about that group?

 

I will be there about 6 weeks.

 

 

Thanks so much!

 

Bubbly

GirlDown Established Member

GirlDown

Posted
Posted

depends on what your plans are...

 

if you go with a travel tour group, you go where they plan for you to go...

 

if not, you're in charge. although, it would be best to pick a place to stay and your way of getting there before you get there...

 

 

eeeeeeeeeeee, i'm so excited! for you of course! :D

ziggue Established Member

ziggue

Posted
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If I were you I would go alone. You know someone in England so going there would be fine but look around the net for info on Tour Groups.

 

You could get a cheaper deal if you go overseas on one of them plus you might get to meet some new friends, people as well.

 

Do some research on the net that will probably help find what you are looking for.

dmac Member

dmac

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i know the feeling when u hear some1 talk about it. If i were to go to this place with my girlfriend it would be verry difficult yet at the same it would make things feel right cos it would be me and her.

dmac Member

dmac

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plus he's been there before and can show u around, wont get lost, knows where to stay, wont get strandard etc

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bubblygrl5 Established Member

bubblygrl5

Posted
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Originally posted by dmac

i know the feeling when u hear some1 talk about it. If i were to go to this place with my girlfriend it would be verry difficult yet at the same it would make things feel right cos it would be me and her.

 

Are you talking about you and your gf in particular...like you had the same experience over there? Or just in general....

 

Also, I have 6 weeks off and he only has 10-12 days off, so we considered that maybe we would go togetehr, and then he would leave and we could have the best of both. HIm and me...and then me being on my own.

 

I don't know...I am just so confused about this. I want to do something by myself, and for myself...but at the same time - I don't know if i want to make this trip about being liberated, or about enjoying it with someone I care for.

 

 

Bubbly

ziggue Established Member

ziggue

Posted
Posted
Originally posted by bubblygrl5

I have 6 weeks off and he only has 10-12 days off, so we considered that maybe we would go togetehr, and then he would leave and we could have the best of both. Him and me...and then me being on my own.

 

I don't know... I am just so confused about this. I want to do something by myself, and for myself... but at the same time - I don't know if i want to make this trip about being liberated, or about enjoying it with someone I care for.

Bubbly

 

Reading this I think you should do both. He can show you around and introduce you to difference places and then you can experience travelling alone when he goes back home.

 

It's up to you what you do...

Thinkalot Established Member

Thinkalot

Posted
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I went overseas, to Europe on my own when I was 24. I spent 3 months there, before going to Canada, and living there for a year, doing some trips to the States while there.

 

I had a fantastic time. Very liberating, very exciting, and sometimes very scary.

So I would say, going alone is a good idea.

 

BUT, now that I am in a serious relationship, I certainly would not go alone. Our level of committment is such, that going to Europe for 6 weeks is something I would definately choose to do with him.

 

So in the end, it is your choice. It depends on what you feel like you want/need right now...and also how serious your relationship is,and whether you'd like the experience alone etc.

 

I can certainly understand Europe having stirred up bad feelings for you in the past, I dont think that's weird at all!! If he came with you, I guess you'd really know whether or not you are truly over his cheating on you!

manders_01 Established Member

manders_01

Posted
Posted

Bubbly - I went to Italy in '99 during college - it was the best time ever! I cannot wait to go back! I had planned to travel to Monaco, Paris and Dublin after the rest of the classmates I was with left but my train tickets got lost and I wasn't able to do so.

 

However, I did spend a lot of time away from the group to get used to being alone. I have traveled extensively in the US on vacations and honestly LOVE being alone. Being able to do what you want, when you want is the best! I was able to meet people easily (and I am NOT an outgoing person) by just being where people are.

 

My best advice for you is summed up in one word - HOSTELS! You will meet a ton of people from all over the world. Most people there are traveling alone also so you will be able to "team up" with them. Also, they are much cheaper than a regular hotel. Most European hostels have websites and give you all the info you would need.

 

Good luck and have a great time!

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