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Bf spending time alone

Evening

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Evening Member

Evening

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My other half likes to spend much time alone, pondering his thoughts and feelings etc. At first I liked when I had every now and then a free time to myself. But now, when there is too much time to myself, I don't feel like I need it. There are times when I feel like I should manage and do my own things, because he needs his time. I feel lonely, cause I feel like my needs are not met. I don't want to change him, I like him as he is. But at the same time, the same problem is lingering.

 

 

When we are together, its perfect, its the best, but when I am alone (we are not living together), I start to miss him. And missing him makes me sad. Makes me depressed and miserable. And it affects my wellbeing. I dont wanna feel this way.

 

 

What should I do?

 

 

I know that he is a precious gift from God and he is the best man I ever been with, at the same time, I don't want to push him. I want him to have his free time, time for his friends etc.

But if you are in relationship, you should not feel alone, right? But why do I feel this way? Sometimes I am even afraid to call him, cause he needs his time and I am just polite and want not to disturb him. He also have a big family and a lot of friends.

 

Also when he comes around again, I feel like I have to start all over again. I have lost my connection with him. I do not feel like we are a couple. Maybe this is what he wants. To not feel it. At the same time, he was the one who started it. He wanted it. And now I am just confused.

 

 

Ughh, maybe I just want to live together with him. So we could spend much more time together.

 

 

Should I push him?

What do you think?

 

 

Thanks a lot :)

Edited by Evening
anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

Posted
Posted

How much time do you spend together at the moment and how much time would you like to spend together?

Brooke02 Established Member

Brooke02

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Posted

How much time are you alone & how long has your relationship been?

 

Without knowing that its hard to say.

Dallers Established Member

Dallers

Posted
Posted

I think this is more about you than him. Having time and space saves a relationship, makes it stronger and last longer if not forever because you do not get fed up or bored of each other. Absence and the heart and all that.

 

He has a life clearly and you are lacking in this area. You need to spend more time with friends and acquire more hobbies. By doing more you will meet more people and enjoy life more and then you won't feel needy of him and actually it might have a reverse effect. He might end up missing you more than you miss him!

 

Work on you, don't blame him. I love having my own space and life and one thing I hate most of all is someone who won't leave me alone.

Brooke02 Established Member

Brooke02

Posted
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^^I agree. You need hobbies, friends, your own life outside of the relationship. i know its hard but you have to learn to be happy by yourself too.

 

BUT I do think there is a problem if you guys are always on "alone time" but I don't know how much time your talking about.

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Evening Member

Evening

Posted
  • Author
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Thanks. You are all right. There are times when I am extremely busy with my own stuff - reading books, hanging out with my friends, partying, spending time with my family etc.

 

 

I know he respect my needs too and he dont want to be pushy or needy, because he knows that I dont like that. Also I agree that a relationship lasts longer if both partners are not clung to each other and spending time together 24/7.

 

 

I just dont know where this loneliness comes from. Like I should search deeper meaning in life. I don't know much about spirituality, but the recent events have brought my attention to it. Like I should change or sth.

 

 

Over the past few days I have felt quite lonely, cause I was sick, most of the time I just slept, while he was out partying with his friends.

 

 

After posting this thread, I felt how much I truly care and love him. And there is no way that I want to give up on him or anything like that.

 

 

But how should I fill this void of feeling lonely? I live alone and I can't spend every minute or second with someone and sometimes I do really need time alone, but living alone isn't the best option for myself. Maybe I just need a roommate.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
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I'm somebody who needs a lot of time alone. If a romantic partner made too many demands on me & wanted to much of time, after a while that relationship will end sooner rather than later because I will end up feeling smothered. I'm telling you this so you understand his side.

 

 

Developing hobbies & friends. It will help you develop a better sense of self & be less dependent on him for your happiness.

  • Author
Evening Member

Evening

Posted
  • Author
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Its not fair. I feel like its not fair. I was sick and he spent his time with his friends. He never even called to ask how I am doing. Maybe he wanted me to rest. I dont know. I didnt called him either.

 

Despite the fact that I do love him, I also see myself clinging on to him, when maybe I should let go.

I know its not the end of the world, but it hurts me, to be honest.

 

Should I be honest to myself? Or should I try? Maybe I should just let go and see what happens? Let go of him. Maybe he does not want to be in relationship that way that I want to be. And thats why I have an issue with that.

 

I want someone who could be crazy about me and who really needs me in his life. Right now I feel pushed away. And lonely. I guess this isnt how people in relationship should feel? :( Makes me sad again.

anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

Posted
Posted
How much time do you spend together at the moment and how much time would you like to spend together?

 

Could you answer the above question please as that will help us get a clearer idea of what is happening. :)

 

Plus have you ever talked to your bf about how you feel about the amount of time spent together?

Assada Established Member

Assada

Posted
Posted

OP you are indeed needy.

What is he going to do when youre sick? nothing.

 

Find some way to get over your clingy neediness

  • Author
Evening Member

Evening

Posted
  • Author
Posted
OP you are indeed needy.

What is he going to do when youre sick? nothing.

 

Find some way to get over your clingy neediness

 

 

 

Hahah, maybe he could spend time with me? Make me a chicken soup or something? Sitting near my bed reading me books and watching when I am peacefully fall asleep. ;):D

 

 

I dont think I am needy. I just love him.

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted

Plenty of guys stay home with their sick girlfriends in order to look after them, opposed to going out with their mates....

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Evening Member

Evening

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  • Author
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Some of them stay at home with their GF, some of them don't.

Diezel Established Member

Diezel

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Posted

I dont think I am needy. I just love him.

 

Yes you are.

 

It's perfectly acceptable to miss your partner when you aren't around, but if you miss him to the point that you become depressed and miserable, then something is wrong. Something within you isn't right when it comes to a relationship.

 

You sound codependent.

 

The normal reaction is to miss someone but not to the point of "misery".

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