Cobra427 Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 Hello. Im in need of some serious tips on what to do. So I recently entered a relationship with a girl that I love so much. She's 16 and I recently turned 18. I recently heard that some of my friends are talking crap about her behind my back, implying that she looks like she's 10 years old and just generally making fun of her. So now I feel like I have to choose between her or my friends. I think she's really hot and sexy but I can also at the same time understand that some people might not find her as good looking. I don't have too many friends, but those that I have doesn't seem too impressed with my new girlfriend. I struggeled a lot with social anxiety and my girlfriend helped me a lot with that and still are helping me. After those friends made the comments I now feel weird walking downtown in my city with her (she lives 1 hour away) but I feel way more comfterable when I'm at her city. Any tips on what to do here? I really love this girl
cif Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 Next time you hear your friends talking about you walk in on them. They're friends right? Tell them to say what they need in your presence. Ignore what others think unless they have valid concerns. Disrespecting your GF, is disrespecting you and your choices.
oldshirt Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 Are they talking about her behaviors and some of the things she has done in the past or are they talking about her appearance, age and social status????? That makes a big difference. If they are talking about bad behaviors and bad things she has done, then you would be wise to take heed. If they are just talking locker room smack because of her age and appearance, then it's just immaturity on their part and you need to grow a pair and be your own man and live your own life. I am now 50 and when I was your age there were girls that I kinda liked and was interested in taking them out but I was worried about what my posse would think. Looking back now I wish I had followed my heart and not let my concerns over what the other guys thought influenced me so much. For all you know, maybe if you bring her around the other guys more and do things together as a group, they will start to see the things you like about her as well and will start to accept her. But again, it depends on what they are saying and what their concerns are. If they are saying that she is a druggie and seeps meth to the jr high and then blows the entire football team after the big game, then you would be dumb not to take heed of their concerns. So very simple formula here - If they are describing actual events and actual bad behaviors on her part = take warning and heed their concerns! If they are just talking smack because she's not who they would date but there are no bad behaviors being noted = screw them and let them find their own GFs. 1
nofeelings22 Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 Hello. Im in need of some serious tips on what to do. So I recently entered a relationship with a girl that I love so much. She's 16 and I recently turned 18. I recently heard that some of my friends are talking crap about her behind my back, implying that she looks like she's 10 years old and just generally making fun of her. So now I feel like I have to choose between her or my friends. I think she's really hot and sexy but I can also at the same time understand that some people might not find her as good looking. I don't have too many friends, but those that I have doesn't seem too impressed with my new girlfriend. I struggeled a lot with social anxiety and my girlfriend helped me a lot with that and still are helping me. After those friends made the comments I now feel weird walking downtown in my city with her (she lives 1 hour away) but I feel way more comfterable when I'm at her city. Any tips on what to do here? I really love this girl Same happened to me in high school with the same age spread. It was so bad I remember at an assembly my friends were all sitting together, taking up like half of a set of bleachers. I walked in late after making out with my girlfriend, so she went to the center of the gym (captain of cheerleaders, going to do the routine or whatever everyone was watching) and I went toward the bleachers, in front of them. My friends started chanting "Duff the Muff" which was a joke on her name. So here I am, in front of the entire damn school with a huge portion of the crowd chanting at me/us. I was totally embarrassed and totally pissed my friends started that chant. So.. i chose my girlfriend over my "friends." I'd advise doing the same. The girlfriend will mean more in your life in the long run. The friends won't.
d0nnivain Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 There are ways to stick up for yourself & the ones you care about without blowing up a friendship. You can firmly but politely tell them to stop talking behind her back. If they are true friends they will honor your request. If they don't stop they aren't worth keeping as friends. If you don't champion her & she hears about what you allowed them to say if she has any backbone she will dump you on the spot. 1
aggie382 Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 I don't have too many friends, but those that I have doesn't seem too impressed with my new girlfriend. There will always be friends who don't like our girlfriend/boyfriend or have their own reasons to make fun of them. You don't have to choose between them. Just tell them to knock it off, to not talk to you about her in a negative way.
Erised Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 Friends don't make fun of significant others who make their friend happy. You're young, but you need to tell them it's not acceptable and to stop. I won't accept negative talk about someone I care about, and everyone in my life knows this. So, they don't do it.
Omei Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 (edited) My first boyfriend ever (4weeks) I really liked him and he liked me omg I remember how magical it felt it was like a dream he 100% went for me chased me down, you could imagine how heart broken and confused I felt when he dumped me because his friends made fun of him too much for dating a girl with crooked teeth, (this ordeal made me quit school and demand braces from my parents in order to return LOL) He didnt stick up for me, and I bet he wish he had because he spent the rest of the year staring at me, stick up for your woman!!! Esp if she makes you happy friends come and go but a connection is hard to find if they are good friends they will never speak poorly of her in front of you again, if they dont stop pick her, You can get better friends lol Edited December 21, 2014 by Omei 3
Author Cobra427 Posted December 21, 2014 Author Posted December 21, 2014 Thanks a lot for all the feedback guys. So I left one part out and that is that my girlfriend has something called alopecia areata. It means she has no hair on her body and head. So she wears a wig and I think my friends sorta notice that she does and that they talk badly about that. When we are together she always takes the wig of and when I look at her I see the most beautiful girl on the planet. She is perfect to me. All I want is for her to feel more comfterable and not think too much about that. I appreciate all the replies you guys made and I will just ignore them for now and if it continues I will tell them to grow the **** up or get out of my life. I understand I am still young and so are my friends so I suppose some of them are still immature and act cool around other guys by making fun of me and my girlfriend. Now I'm writing a lot, sorry guys. Again thanks a lot for the feedback! 1
spiderowl Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 An adult will make his own choices and decide for himself what matters to him. If you really love this girl, why would you even contemplate leaving her because your friends don't share your opinion? What sort of friends are they anyway? They sound very immature. This is one of those occasions when you decide to be your own person and judge for yourself who is genuine and caring in this situation. Standing up for your girlfriend against your friend's childish comments would be the manly thing to do. They are not always going to agree with you. Yes, you should listen to them but deliberate yourself and trust your instincts. You like her, love her you say, and she's kind to you. Appearances are superficial. You have seen through that and love her for herself. Your friends haven't reached that stage of maturity yet. I think if you were more confident about your choice of woman, your friends would realise that you were prepared to stand by her and stop this stupid behaviour. I would not feel embarassed but proud that you have the strength to choose a woman who appeals to you and who you find to be a good person. Do you think President Obama would dump Michelle if his friends didn't like her? He'd make his own choices and stand by them.
nofeelings22 Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 Thanks a lot for all the feedback guys. So I left one part out and that is that my girlfriend has something called alopecia areata. It means she has no hair on her body and head. So she wears a wig and I think my friends sorta notice that she does and that they talk badly about that. When we are together she always takes the wig of and when I look at her I see the most beautiful girl on the planet. She is perfect to me. All I want is for her to feel more comfterable and not think too much about that. I appreciate all the replies you guys made and I will just ignore them for now and if it continues I will tell them to grow the **** up or get out of my life. I understand I am still young and so are my friends so I suppose some of them are still immature and act cool around other guys by making fun of me and my girlfriend. Now I'm writing a lot, sorry guys. Again thanks a lot for the feedback! All the more reason to stand up for her. To be honest, you two sound perfect. Do not let anyone stand in the way of that. 2
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