aggie382 Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 I've been dating someone for about a month, about 5 dates. We are approaching exclusivity, which I'm hoping happens because I really like him and would like to really invest in the relationship. We haven't had sex yet, but have heavily fooled around. He has a young son and shares custody 50/50 with his ex. They have a very amicable relationship. She's remarried with more children. Eventually if things keep progressing, I'll need to meet this child, and I'm guessing that our dates will sometimes involve the child. Should I just wait for him to bring up meeting his son and on his time table? I don't want to push him by bringing it up. But I also worry that in not bringing it up I might be telling him that I'm not interested in his son. I feel stuck like I am damned if I do and damned if I don't.
BluEyeL Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 Tell him that you'd be open to meeting his son anytime at this point, but you know this is a delicate situation and believe it's up to the parent when they open that up. Say that you wanted to let him know that you're ready whenever he is. 4
Gaeta Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 Five dates (1 month) is too soon to talk about meeting children. Most new relationships does not make it to 3 months. If he has 50-50 custody then you can date for 3 months with no problem, he has time. I am dating a single dad of 4, with 100% custody of his children, and he finds time for me so your guy certainly can. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 Personally If I were ever a single dad, I don't see myself throwing my kid(s) into the fray of my dating life, having them meet all these different women I've been dating for several weeks or months as just "friends". I've seen a lot of women do this growing up and it just completely rubs me the wrong way in every possible way, I find it very irresponsible and off-putting. I wouldn't feel like it's your job to be interested in the kid(s) at the early stages of the dating process...in fact I'd probably prefer that it wasn't apart of the dynamic at all. Only after seeing potential and feeling like there was a lot of compatibility and you were the right kind of "woman" I was looking for in the long-term would I start that process of integrating you into that bigger part of my life. However this is all in theory, I have no experience in this matter so I cannot say this is how it would exactly work in practice, I'm sure there are scenarios and situations that it wouldn't go according to plan each and every time. But based on my experience with single parents dating in my youth, it's a pretty strong feeling that I have about it. Some people treat their children as just a side-show and their needs are still a priority in everything, which they use an excuse to kick the kids off to the side and rotate love interests in and out of their lives because the kids are "too young to remember"...and like they're like fking 10.
Mrin Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 Everyone is different. It usually happens around the 3 month mark. How old is the son? What you can do: do not ask to meet the son. As a single father that is really off putting. What you can do is show interest in the son. What's he doing at school. What does he like? Stuff like that. Not only will that make your man feel great because you are interested in the other 50% of his life, it will also help to answer the question that he has to be thinking and that is "will she (you), as a childless woman, be able to accept my son as a big part of my life". Best of luck! 3
Brooke02 Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 OP, I have three kids and if I was dating a man with no kids It would be when I thought my kids are ready. Just go with the flow, he'll let you know when. Hes not gonna think your not interested but it could come off as pushy. Just relax and wait for him when he's ready. :-) 1
Author aggie382 Posted December 22, 2014 Author Posted December 22, 2014 Everyone is different. It usually happens around the 3 month mark. How old is the son? He's 7 and plays Mitey-Mite football. So cute, from the pictures. What you can do: do not ask to meet the son. As a single father that is really off putting. What you can do is show interest in the son. What's he doing at school. What does he like? Stuff like that. Not only will that make your man feel great because you are interested in the other 50% of his life, it will also help to answer the question that he has to be thinking and that is "will she (you), as a childless woman, be able to accept my son as a big part of my life". Best of luck! Great advice, thanks!!
ktya Posted December 22, 2014 Posted December 22, 2014 Should I just wait for him to bring up meeting his son and on his time table? I don't want to push him by bringing it up. But I also worry that in not bringing it up I might be telling him that I'm not interested in his son. I feel stuck like I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. Psychologists recommend that you do not introduce a new partner into your child's life in some time ranging from 6 months of exclusivity to when there's a ring on your finger. Honestly, I've dated women with children, and its better if you do not meet the child. I'm not saying kids are bad or that you would be a bad influence or that they cant handle it. It's better to keep your relationship right where it is. He has some form of shared custody with a married amicable ex so he gets time off from the kids. Spend as much quality time with him when his kids arent around. Given that your not even having sex with him yet I think its very premature to even contemplate meeting his kids. If you do meet the kids wait until you've been exclusive for about 6 months. No matter how amicable his ex is, things will start to go nutbar a little bit once little Jimmy and Sally start talking about how great dad's new girlfriend is. 2
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