Jules Dash Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 I just want to see the thoughts of others in regards todating someone who lives with their young kids (kids that are below 18). When do you think it is appropriate to meet the child during the dating process and do you think that you can begin an exclusive relationship with another person without meeting their their live-in children? As most of us know, some people can be very protective of their kids and do not want the kids to see a constant flow of men or women coming to their home meeting their children. On the other hand, you want to know the dynamics of the family or the relationship between your significant other and their child which will likely affect the relationship in the long run. So when do you want to meet the children?
Haydn Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 (edited) As a Dad with smallish kids i am very cautious. 2 months if things are going great have been the norm with me. I`ve alway told a girl the first time i meet her that i have kids. It kind of solves itself. The kids come first but you are not much good to them if you are a miserable sod. Edited December 20, 2014 by Haydn 1
carhill Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 In my case, since all my relationships, save for my marriage, were with women who had children, I never met them until we had dated for quite some time, generally a month or two. I would say the only exception was the doctor from Odessa, whose daughters were older (youngest was 15) and whom I happened to visit for the first time during the holiday season where an 'open house' type atmosphere, and parties, were commonplace. I tended to see such progressions as organic and never considered any 'rules' applied. Whenever it happened, it happened.
Ann253 Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 I'm a single mom, dating a single dad. Seeing the dynamics of his relationship is important to me, but we also agreed that we don't like bringing people in and out of the kids life. We met each others kids after about a month.
d0nnivain Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 As the GF being introduced to the son, I was very anxious & put it off. Meeting the kids was more stressful to me then meeting the parents / friends. I think I waited until 6 months in. One of my friends who dated as a single mom said something that always stuck with me: kids don't deserve to be broken up with 1
Gaeta Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 Personally I think if you make it to the 3 month mark then it's ok to meet the children in a casual setting first, keep the sleeping over for when you know you are in for the long run and are making plans for living together. 1
Ann253 Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 As the GF being introduced to the son, I was very anxious & put it off. Meeting the kids was more stressful to me then meeting the parents / friends. I think I waited until 6 months in. One of my friends who dated as a single mom said something that always stuck with me: kids don't deserve to be broken up with Wow, 6 months is a long time to wait. For me, it was important to meet sooner before I was fully vested. Part of the reason is I had a past relationship where I had already "fallen in love". When I did get to see how he was with his kids I realized that our parenting styles were very different. And we ultimately were not compatable. The statement "kids don't deserve to be broken up with" 100% spot on! When we did meet each others kids we kept it very casual, no hugging or kissing in front of them. We met for dinner and introduced each other as friends. We then slowly worked into more activities with the kids. Another thing that was important to me was to see how he reacts to me around the kids, I've had guys who are just looking for a mom for their kids, someone to take over the raising of the kids so he can do whatever... While I love kids, I'm not looking to become mom to more. Each person and each relationship is different. Just keep in mind that when dating a single parent the kids should always come first.
FitChick Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 I waited six months and he didn't have sole custody. I don't date men with kids in the home full time. A month is far too short. Wait at least three months.
BluEyeL Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 I waited about 4 months and it was at a dinner party I gave at my house. I have my kid full time, otherwise I would have waited longer. The ages of the kids matter a lot. Older kids (over 9-10 yo) don't get attached so easily, so it's not as much of a problem if the relationship doesn't last. Usually, with older kids the problem is that they might reject the boyfriend/girlfriend, be jealous and feel left out and neglected, don't accept that mom can have a life and is a sexual being etc etc. Younger kids get attached and they suffer more when the relationship doesn't work out. My son is just turning 13yo and my plan is, if this relationship doesn't work out in the end, I will wait until he is 16-17 to start dating again. Estimating it will take again 1-2 years to find a long term relationship, he will be out of the house or close by the time I'd need to introduce another man in his life.
BluEyeL Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 To actually answer the OP's question, from your perspective it is to your advantage to meet the kids as soon as possible to observe the dynamics and figure out how they are. But it is to the children's disadvantage to meet you before there is some chance that the relationship has the potential to go long term. It would be an admirable choice not to mess up with someone's kids too early.
Author Jules Dash Posted December 21, 2014 Author Posted December 21, 2014 We all seem very protective of our kids when it comes to dating and meeting new people but I wonder if kids are more resilient than we give them credit. Will a 3 year old really be affected by the woman who dated dad for 2 months then disappeared? I also wonder how this is approached or dealt with across cultures.
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