love1336x Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 How does one defend their self properly without losing their job? Lately, I feel like my coworkers have been... Ganging on me. I'm sure its jealousy because I go on trips, I go to school, buy really cute purses. Sometimes they will tell me, "well if I live with mommy i can afford that too, but since I'm an adult....!" I don't live rent free. I paid my mother 400 dollars along with cell phone, car, and other good stuff. I've them this but they don't believed. I don't feel like I brag. All my life I've been quiet and very reserved. But I feel like I'm getting to the point with them that I want to flipped! By flipping I mean cussing and throwing crap around. I hate their smart ass comments, I hate the disrespectful stuff they tell me. I feel if I talk to them.... I might lose it if they react nasty to me. Plus I'm afraid if I do tell H.R my supervisor will cut my hours down to nothing. Ughhhh.
NGC1300 Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 Sorry you are going through this. I've been in similar situations. Please understand the worst thing you can do is react negatively or show any negative emotion. The moment you do this, you will have given them their satisfaction. Smile and joke; people hate when they can't bring you down. 2
spanishchick00 Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 Yeah, I bet its a jealousy thing! Maybe try not to disclose too much information about your private life? Don't wear nice clothes, or purses, don't tell them about your trips, etc, etc. I know there has been times where I would get alot of crap because I lived at home-a co-worker would tell me that "I didn't need to work because I live with my mom and that I don't pay any bills." Then, when I finally moved out and got my own apartment, stupid me, I told some of my co-workers that and they were making these smart-ass comments saying "how rich I was" and this one person even gave me reasons why she thought I was rich. I was like wtf? Just try to ignore them. Now, I just keep to myself at work and no longer interested in being anyone's friend, Who cares if I don't have a work-buddy anymore? Sometimes I find it pathetic that I see some of the woman that can't live without their buddy at work. 2
carhill Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 IMO, focus on the job to gain a positive referral when taking another one with a less toxic and more collaborative culture. IME, such cultures as the one your experiencing, especially if you fear HR, start at the top with the style of the leader. An effective leader nips this kind of stuff right in the bud because they walk with their employees and know them and the workplace tone. Back in the day, we'd settle such differences out in the street or the dirt if we happened to be out in the fields, but fortunately today matters are a bit more civilized, if solutions are perhaps a bit less effective. One interim defense is growing a thicker skin; that can have traction, and will often separate the casual bullies from the determined ones, though the latter will often escalate to determine boundaries. It's what they do. As always, how you react is a choice. 2
d0nnivain Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 Because their comments do not focus on your work, you have to ignore them. To do anything else undermines your work effort which could get you fired. Go to work. Be polite no matter what. Do your job & let the quality of your work speak for you. Make sure management sees you as dependable employee. 2
Maleficent Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 If it's happening at work, you should be able to talk to your supervisor about it. It's part of their job to make sure this **** is not happening.
Author love1336x Posted December 21, 2014 Author Posted December 21, 2014 Yeah, it really bugs me because I thought these people were my friends, turns out their not.
Author love1336x Posted December 21, 2014 Author Posted December 21, 2014 If it's happening at work, you should be able to talk to your supervisor about it. It's part of their job to make sure this **** is not happening. My supervisor is part of the gang who gives me crappy remarks!
Gloria25 Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 If it's happening at work, you should be able to talk to your supervisor about it. It's part of their job to make sure this **** is not happening. That doesn't happen. Supervisors don't react to petty squabbles...yes, petty squabbles. That's what it is to them. They do not consider it something that creates a toxic environment. Unless it's something like EEO, they don't care. And, regardless of it being something serious like EEO or not - unfortunately, a lot of managers are gonna turn on you instead of resolving the issue. Believe it or not, they see "you" as the problem - not the clique.
Gloria25 Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 My supervisor is part of the gang who gives me crappy remarks! Yep, sometimes the supervisor is the ring leader. It is true that management/supervisors set the "tone" of the working environment.
Gloria25 Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 Yeah, I bet its a jealousy thing! Maybe try not to disclose too much information about your private life? Don't wear nice clothes, or purses, don't tell them about your trips, etc, etc. I know there has been times where I would get alot of crap because I lived at home-a co-worker would tell me that "I didn't need to work because I live with my mom and that I don't pay any bills." Then, when I finally moved out and got my own apartment, stupid me, I told some of my co-workers that and they were making these smart-ass comments saying "how rich I was" and this one person even gave me reasons why she thought I was rich. I was like wtf? Just try to ignore them. Now, I just keep to myself at work and no longer interested in being anyone's friend, Who cares if I don't have a work-buddy anymore? Sometimes I find it pathetic that I see some of the woman that can't live without their buddy at work. Sad, but true. A while back, I was requesting time off to close the purchase on my 3rd home. My supervisor, out of all people, told me not to tell anyone cuz they will get jealous? WTH??? Yeah, I've learned not to tell peeps I work with certain things. I also dress down a lot - not just at work, but in certain circles. Women are funny and petty. They think you wanna take their man and/or are in competition with them. But, sometimes you're just being yourself and they turn on you. At one place I worked at, I quickly made friends with a very smart and beautiful chick. Well, they were trying to rip her apart. I think in part cuz she was smart (but I'm smarter) but she was hotter, way hotter than me. The best you can do is just smile, ignore, and do your work. But, ultimately maybe dusting off your resume is best. I've been in some really, really, toxic environments. They had endless complaints and stuff, they tried all kinds of things to "clean house" if you will. Not sure if they ever got to do it. The only thing that took place was an "extraction" of anyone who filed a complaint. Made me wonder if the toxic people "knew where all the dead bodies were", cuz obviously they were scared of getting rid of the toxic people for some reason.
preraph Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 Do they have any reason to think you are getting special favors at work? Because that will cause the situation you have described in a hurry. Are you and the boss buddies or something like that?
Ebelskiver Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 Move on. I've had a number of toxic work places throughout my career. While you're in the midst of it it's hard to believe that it can be better elsewhere, but it can! After leaving a toxic work environment I found a job where everyone was awesome. No gossip mill, no petty remarks, just nice, sincere people who worked together as a team. I was amazed! It does exist. Don't settle for less. 1
Shepp Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 How does one defend their self properly without losing their job? Laugh it off. No ones hurting you if your laughing too. Its no fun to pick on the person with the unshakable smile. Sometimes they will tell me, "well if I live with mommy i can afford that too, but since I'm an adult....!" I don't live rent free. I paid my mother 400 dollars along with cell phone, car, and other good stuff. I've them this but they don't believed. Maybe change tact! Stop telling them it, start rolling with it! "hey! I'm an adult!! You wanna see the lego fort I built last night!! ;p" If they think they honestly aren't getting to you then they're wasting they're time! 1
Recommended Posts