HazyCosmicJive Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 I have a female friend who told me she will only date married guys now. I made a comment that when a man cheats it's 90% his fault (as opposed to the other woman) but she surprised me by saying that it's 95% the wife's fault for not being attentive enough. Any other women feel this way? Link to post Share on other sites
contact1 Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 You're about to open up a whole can of worms with that comment and oh, can I get your friend's number? I'm sure my wife would love to talk to her on the subject 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HazyCosmicJive Posted December 21, 2014 Author Share Posted December 21, 2014 So it seems as if this is either uncommon, or women who do it won't admit to it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I don't mind dating them, even though I wouldn't call it "dating", since they are still married.....but I wouldn't say it's generally their spouses' fault if they stray. That's bs. They make that choice, without their spouse knowing - so how can that be the W's "fault"?? What I like about married guys is that they have their own stuff to deal with and therefore require less time and committment, which I don't have to give in my current situation. So....a relationship with somebody married gives me the chance to do everything else in my life the way I'm used to doing it. Without interference. Doesn't mean that there is nobody else out there with a similar mindset who's single and male. Just haven't met him yet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HazyCosmicJive Posted December 21, 2014 Author Share Posted December 21, 2014 I don't mind dating them, even though I wouldn't call it "dating", since they are still married.....but I wouldn't say it's generally their spouses' fault if they stray. That's bs. They make that choice, without their spouse knowing - so how can that be the W's "fault"?? What I like about married guys is that they have their own stuff to deal with and therefore require less time and committment, which I don't have to give in my current situation. So....a relationship with somebody married gives me the chance to do everything else in my life the way I'm used to doing it. Without interference. Doesn't mean that there is nobody else out there with a similar mindset who's single and male. Just haven't met him yet. I agree that it's the husband's fault. If he thinks his wife isn't being a good wife then he should divorce her, not sneak around. I also think every guy who cheats is going to have the same story about their wives. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ktya Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Ive dated a bunch of women with boyfriends. Way i look at is, if its not me its someone else anyway may as well dip in. I used to have a problem with that sort of thing, but now i dont care. Women are cheating more than men nowadays with online dating and sites like ashleymadison, chances are if i commit im going to get cheated on anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I agree that it's the husband's fault. If he thinks his wife isn't being a good wife then he should divorce her, not sneak around. I also think every guy who cheats is going to have the same story about their wives. I never get the bad W speech. I think he's too smart for that. I think he knows that most mm in affairs use it to their advantage, so he doesn't, just to be different. All I've ever heard is: got married too young, not a great match, different needs, she loves him more than he does her...... Still having sex, but not too much ........ She's happier in the M than he is. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I don't know anyone who does this. Then again, I try not to associate with lying homewreckers 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HazyCosmicJive Posted December 21, 2014 Author Share Posted December 21, 2014 I don't know anyone who does this. Then again, I try not to associate with lying homewreckers My friend isn't a terrible person, she just has a lot of issues. She's way overweight, hates her job, has had bad experiences with men, drinks too much and has health problems. Despite all that, she has a great personality and is a good source of the female perspective. She's not a liar, so I don't know where that came from. I told her I disagreed with her, but I'm not going to dump her as a friend because this is how she deals with her problems. I think she's just lonely. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 My friend isn't a terrible person, she just has a lot of issues. She's way overweight, hates her job, has had bad experiences with men, drinks too much and has health problems. Despite all that, she has a great personality and is a good source of the female perspective. She's not a liar, so I don't know where that came from. I told her I disagreed with her, but I'm not going to dump her as a friend because this is how she deals with her problems. I think she's just lonely. She sounds like she might have low self-esteem and feels that she can't find a committed relationship. She might just be glad that anyone is giving her any attention. Some people with self-esteem issues don't like to get fully involved in a relationship and gravitate towards a setup where they can keep people at arm's length. I might be totally off though. It does sound like she has more issues than just dating married men. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ktya Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 My friend isn't a terrible person, she just has a lot of issues. She's way overweight, hates her job, has had bad experiences with men, drinks too much and has health problems. Despite all that, she has a great personality and is a good source of the female perspective. She's not a liar, so I don't know where that came from. I told her I disagreed with her, but I'm not going to dump her as a friend because this is how she deals with her problems. I think she's just lonely. I have found in my experience overweight women are ten times more likely to cheat in one way or another. Beautiful, properly proportioned women could screw a different guy every hour for their whole lifetime so theres no challenge and the drama doesnt interest them. The most beautiful girl i ever dated is the most loyal girl ive ever known. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HazyCosmicJive Posted December 21, 2014 Author Share Posted December 21, 2014 I have found in my experience overweight women are ten times more likely to cheat in one way or another. Beautiful, properly proportioned women could screw a different guy every hour for their whole lifetime so theres no challenge and the drama doesnt interest them. The most beautiful girl i ever dated is the most loyal girl ive ever known. I think insecurity is one of the biggest drivers of infidelity, so your experience makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamworld Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 She sounds like she might have low self-esteem and feels that she can't find a committed relationship. She might just be glad that anyone is giving her any attention. Some people with self-esteem issues don't like to get fully involved in a relationship and gravitate towards a setup where they can keep people at arm's length. I might be totally off though. It does sound like she has more issues than just dating married men. This was me in a nutshell when I was the OW. I was scared of commitment. I am still scared of commitment. But I am never going to be an OW again. And yes I have had bad relationships with men too. My ex husband for example. He was a doctor who couldnt seem to keep his hands off ( you know the non professional way) his patients. Oh and his nurses. Oh and I could go on forever. It was traumatic to say the least. Oh and the statistics you posted OP and to answer your question OP? Sorry I cant agree with you there. Where do you all get these numbers anyway? 100% cheater's fault. ex husband and I had a great sex life. He said so himself and that I was attentive to him. He just couldnt help himself he said. I couldnt take it anymore. It doesnt matter how awful the spouse is. The cheater chose to cheat. Anyway OP I understand where your friend is coming from, but dating married men isnt going to make things simpler for her. Trust me I know. If she wants a non commited relationship how about dating players instead? The single kind I mean. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HazyCosmicJive Posted December 22, 2014 Author Share Posted December 22, 2014 This was me in a nutshell when I was the OW. I was scared of commitment. I am still scared of commitment. But I am never going to be an OW again. And yes I have had bad relationships with men too. My ex husband for example. He was a doctor who couldnt seem to keep his hands off ( you know the non professional way) his patients. Oh and his nurses. Oh and I could go on forever. It was traumatic to say the least. Oh and the statistics you posted OP and to answer your question OP? Sorry I cant agree with you there. Where do you all get these numbers anyway? 100% cheater's fault. ex husband and I had a great sex life. He said so himself and that I was attentive to him. He just couldnt help himself he said. I couldnt take it anymore. It doesnt matter how awful the spouse is. The cheater chose to cheat. Anyway OP I understand where your friend is coming from, but dating married men isnt going to make things simpler for her. Trust me I know. If she wants a non commited relationship how about dating players instead? The single kind I mean. Thanks for sharing your experiences. I was only interested in how common my friend's behavior is, not why women date married men. I know she has low self esteem, so it's not a news flash to me. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 (edited) I have a female friend who told me she will only date married guys now. I made a comment that when a man cheats it's 90% his fault (as opposed to the other woman) but she surprised me by saying that it's 95% the wife's fault for not being attentive enough. Any other women feel this way? I think anyone who specifically prefers married men may be living with issues around commitmentphobia, intimacy issues, self worth issues among other things. Add that to the fact that she also wants to blame all MM's wives for their cheating is telling... I've been with someone who had a LTR and a child with his gf before, but he wasn't married. I didn't seek it out and would never voluntarily go that route again and can admit that I had my own issues around commitment and intimacy from having a father who is a serial cheater (but I never tied the two together until I realized I basically ended up with all kinds of emotionally unavailable men, where they might not have had gfs but were still essentially unavailable for a full relationship in some way). I don't think such a preference is a normal, healthy choices most times but one that is tied up in lots of issues the person may not even be aware of. In my own situation I also did not blame his gf. Edited December 22, 2014 by MissBee Link to post Share on other sites
HermioneG Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 My friend isn't a terrible person, she just has a lot of issues. She's way overweight, hates her job, has had bad experiences with men, drinks too much and has health problems. Despite all that, she has a great personality and is a good source of the female perspective. She's not a liar, so I don't know where that came from. I told her I disagreed with her, but I'm not going to dump her as a friend because this is how she deals with her problems. I think she's just lonely. In general, it's not a good life strategy to deal with one's life problems by harming an unknowing third party. I hope she finds a way to get some better coping skills. I don't see how this helps her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Your friend must be really desperate when she justificates her actions as "I'm just saving them from their bad wives". Or perhaps a twisted version of white knight syndrome. I don't know anyone who dates married folk but someone in a different forum apparently did. That woman wasn't really focusing on the married thing, but rather the wealth-part. So of course she got pregnant on purpose and was living off the money she got for the child ever since. Gold digger alert I guess. Just feeling for the wife, although I guess she'd get a nice sum herself if she headed for divorce - guess all the women with gas in their skulls really just want their peace from somebody. Anybody. But nah, I'm staying away from married cheaters. I don't want 'those kind of people' around me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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