nofeelings22 Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 So wow... I have 5 girls who are interested to the point of wanting to go on a first date or come see me for the weekend. #1: Ridiculously compatible super hot university of FL Gainesville student - hour away #2: Girl I've hooked up with in NY wants to visit for a week #3: Girl i met online wants to come busy visit me for a weekend as a first date #4: Girl 40 mins away wants to go out to dinner and get to know each other #5: Best physical hookup of my life and counterculture oddball like myself , but with too much religious stuff wants to meet after new years for a 3rd date and have me stay over. Each of these girls is of my interest level in attractiveness and each is compatible for the most part. BUT... i just made an excuse not to have #3 come down this weekend . feeling too lazy and cheap to see her. lol I'm just happy having quiet time alone. Don't feel like paying her plane ticket either. Was supposed to go out with #4 last night but a slow time leaving work stuff behind had me behind schedule. we decided to do Sunday instead. I was relieved. Felt happy I didn't have to do everything necessary to go out on a date and watched Soith Park instead. Tonight is #1. I have to go to Urban Outfitters and H&M amd grab some new clothes . a Again, feeling too lazy to do any of this! But I will. This girl is RIDICULOUSLY hot and the most compatible as well. Gotta do it. So what the hell? I should be multidating all these girls but I just don't feel like putting in the effort. That's no way to find a new ltr, is it? Does anyone else have these problems with being too lazy to see people interested in you and practically begging to see you?
AVarma Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 Get over yourself. There are people out there who struggle to find one date and you're complaining about 5. Be a man and go on first dates with all of them.
Gloria25 Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 Oh wow, thanks for erroding my desire to jump back into dating...now, I have to ponder if the guy I'm gonna date is juggling several women. I wonder if these chicks would be so enthusiastic about throwing themselves to you - knowing that there were four others doing the same? No wonder why you're lazy here...this reminds me of what I posted in a thread last nite. While now a days they say its "ok" for women to initiate and all that - that's bull poop to me. Cuz, your situation is an example of women just throwing themselves at guys begging "do me", "pick me", "take me out"...The guy gets lazy, bored, and the "spark" if you will isn't really there...even "if" he's flattered. 2
Author nofeelings22 Posted December 20, 2014 Author Posted December 20, 2014 Oh wow, thanks for erroding my desire to jump back into dating...now, I have to ponder if the guy I'm gonna date is juggling several women. I wonder if these chicks would be so enthusiastic about throwing themselves to you - knowing that there were four others doing the same? No wonder why you're lazy here...this reminds me of what I posted in a thread last nite. While now a days they say its "ok" for women to initiate and all that - that's bull poop to me. Cuz, your situation is an example of women just throwing themselves at guys begging "do me", "pick me", "take me out"...The guy gets lazy, bored, and the "spark" if you will isn't really there...even "if" he's flattered. I really only want one girl. It's very hard to find the time to see all of them and decide who to try to advance with. I feel a spark with #1 and #5 mostly, but with the others, shouldn't I be at least going out with them to see? I mean some are first dates, so.... it might be a better spark.... I find dating in the internet powered hookup culture confusing and exhausting. Would prefer to just be married again and not have to deal with it.
Author nofeelings22 Posted December 20, 2014 Author Posted December 20, 2014 Get over yourself. There are people out there who struggle to find one date and you're complaining about 5. Be a man and go on first dates with all of them. Treating people like this just might be why you are having problems getting the one date. No anger needed here... I'm genuinely confused on how to multi date and dislike it very much. Where do people find the time to do this stuff? Assuming I "be a man" and see each one, that represents something like 40 hours in the next few weeks I have to find to put into this. I also feel bad saying no if the girl is even somewhat interesting, which all are. Ugh... not fun.
Gloria25 Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 I really only want one girl. It's very hard to find the time to see all of them and decide who to try to advance with. I feel a spark with #1 and #5 mostly, but with the others, shouldn't I be at least going out with them to see? I mean some are first dates, so.... it might be a better spark.... I find dating in the internet powered hookup culture confusing and exhausting. Would prefer to just be married again and not have to deal with it. You don't get my point - which is, none of them stand out cuz they are all throwing themselves at you....they're too available. Men prefer something they have to "hunt"/work for.
Author nofeelings22 Posted December 20, 2014 Author Posted December 20, 2014 You don't get my point - which is, none of them stand out cuz they are all throwing themselves at you....they're too available. Men prefer something they have to "hunt"/work for. Good point. Except I'm definitely too lazy to hunt as well. And I'm just using my normal colorful writing style and being hard on myself. Not too lazy.... i just don't have the free time. Running two businesses leaves me without the time needed to explore the possibilities that have presented themselves....
Gloria25 Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 Good point. Except I'm definitely too lazy to hunt as well. And I'm just using my normal colorful writing style and being hard on myself. Not too lazy.... i just don't have the free time. Running two businesses leaves me without the time needed to explore the possibilities that have presented themselves.... Well, that's the conundrum of this generation...people are fighting against nature. I mean, guys say that they appreciate a woman making an effort/intiating for whatever reasons (i.e. they're shy, busy, etc.) but, at the end of the day, the guys aren't feeling that "spark" and like you, sit there scratching their heads as to "why"? 1
SomeDude16 Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 So wow... I have 5 girls who are interested to the point of wanting to go on a first date or come see me for the weekend. #1: Ridiculously compatible super hot university of FL Gainesville student - hour away #2: Girl I've hooked up with in NY wants to visit for a week #3: Girl i met online wants to come busy visit me for a weekend as a first date #4: Girl 40 mins away wants to go out to dinner and get to know each other #5: Best physical hookup of my life and counterculture oddball like myself , but with too much religious stuff wants to meet after new years for a 3rd date and have me stay over. Each of these girls is of my interest level in attractiveness and each is compatible for the most part. BUT... i just made an excuse not to have #3 come down this weekend . feeling too lazy and cheap to see her. lol I'm just happy having quiet time alone. Don't feel like paying her plane ticket either. Was supposed to go out with #4 last night but a slow time leaving work stuff behind had me behind schedule. we decided to do Sunday instead. I was relieved. Felt happy I didn't have to do everything necessary to go out on a date and watched Soith Park instead. Tonight is #1. I have to go to Urban Outfitters and H&M amd grab some new clothes . a Again, feeling too lazy to do any of this! But I will. This girl is RIDICULOUSLY hot and the most compatible as well. Gotta do it. So what the hell? I should be multidating all these girls but I just don't feel like putting in the effort. That's no way to find a new ltr, is it? Does anyone else have these problems with being too lazy to see people interested in you and practically begging to see you? You shouldn't be dating at all. "I have to go to urban outfitters"... You don't have to do anything, you can just sit in your lazy boy at home and not go out. It is a privilege that these girls are pursuing you,not a right. How old are you? You sound like a narcissist. 1
Author nofeelings22 Posted December 20, 2014 Author Posted December 20, 2014 You shouldn't be dating at all. "I have to go to urban outfitters"... You don't have to do anything, you can just sit in your lazy boy at home and not go out. It is a privilege that these girls are pursuing you,not a right. How old are you? You sound like a narcissist. True. I could take the precious few hours I have off and do nothing. Yet, you have to put in the time and work to find a good match or remain single. It is definitely a privilege, but how do people handle this? Seem i could use the input of women here because as usual, when someone is having a hard time with sorting through the potentials, the men on this forum turn into bitter, name calling chumps. Women are often faced with this same problem. Have any of you found ways to see the multiple guys, seeing how things go, but yet not put 20-40 hours a week in on the dates? Am I stupid to not narrow them down more first somehow?
Author nofeelings22 Posted December 20, 2014 Author Posted December 20, 2014 Always go with the date that requires the least effort. If you have to pay to see one of those girls, she is automatically out. There has to be at least one of them that would be willing to just come by your place and "hang out," without having to stay for a weekend. Have a one night minimum and make sure you have plans for the next day. Let her drive to your place, hang out, stay the night, then you have to part ways early afternoon the next day. Finally.... some advice! Thank you! This is a great idea. Date the locals. 2 of them are pay to fly them in types. The other 3 are a short drive away. Your strategy makes total sense. I do migrate up to where those other 2 are every summer, so if nothing develops down here, i can talk to them later. A helpful post. Thanks!
SomeDude16 Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 True. I could take the precious few hours I have off and do nothing. Yet, you have to put in the time and work to find a good match or remain single. It is definitely a privilege, but how do people handle this? Seem i could use the input of women here because as usual, when someone is having a hard time with sorting through the potentials, the men on this forum turn into bitter, name calling chumps. This is very amusing. You came onto this website seeking advice, and you will get it. That being said you DO NOT dictate the advice or responses given to you. Just like dating, it is a privilege not a right to be able to use these forums. I would tread carefully if I was you. Making generalizations and ad hominem attacks about a significant portion of these forums is not a good idea if you wish to keep getting advice. Your insecurities and youth are starting to show.... 1
Phoe Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 I don't multidate. This is a good reason not to do so. 4
Author nofeelings22 Posted December 20, 2014 Author Posted December 20, 2014 I don't multidate. This is a good reason not to do so. Very good advice. It's hard not to because all the girls are too. They all flip through guys fast. Hookup culture. Sigh.... 1
Phoe Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 Very good advice. It's hard not to because all the girls are too. They all flip through guys fast. Hookup culture. Sigh.... 2 is manageable. 5 is not. Personally I only date 1 at a time, up to you whether you feel more than 1 can be good for you. If you're only doing it because the women do it too, consider dating women who do not multidate. There are plenty! It'll take longer to get where you're headed, but it'll be much less stressful and time consuming if you make a point of having dating be a 1:1 type of thing. 4
Author nofeelings22 Posted December 20, 2014 Author Posted December 20, 2014 (edited) This is very amusing. You came onto this website seeking advice, and you will get it. That being said you DO NOT dictate the advice or responses given to you. Just like dating, it is a privilege not a right to be able to use these forums. I would tread carefully if I was you. Making generalizations and ad hominem attacks about a significant portion of these forums is not a good idea if you wish to keep getting advice. Your insecurities and youth are starting to show.... Thanks, Dad. I'll be sure to straighten up and fly right from now on. Any time a lonely, bitter man comes in to attack me, calling me namee, I'll just say, "thank you, sir." A huge mistake to defend myself. Great personality you have there. How old are YOU? 90?? Edited December 20, 2014 by nofeelings22
HazyCosmicJive Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 So wow... I have 5 girls who are interested to the point of wanting to go on a first date or come see me for the weekend. #1: Ridiculously compatible super hot university of FL Gainesville student - hour away #2: Girl I've hooked up with in NY wants to visit for a week #3: Girl i met online wants to come busy visit me for a weekend as a first date #4: Girl 40 mins away wants to go out to dinner and get to know each other #5: Best physical hookup of my life and counterculture oddball like myself , but with too much religious stuff wants to meet after new years for a 3rd date and have me stay over. Each of these girls is of my interest level in attractiveness and each is compatible for the most part. BUT... i just made an excuse not to have #3 come down this weekend . feeling too lazy and cheap to see her. lol I'm just happy having quiet time alone. Don't feel like paying her plane ticket either. Was supposed to go out with #4 last night but a slow time leaving work stuff behind had me behind schedule. we decided to do Sunday instead. I was relieved. Felt happy I didn't have to do everything necessary to go out on a date and watched Soith Park instead. Tonight is #1. I have to go to Urban Outfitters and H&M amd grab some new clothes . a Again, feeling too lazy to do any of this! But I will. This girl is RIDICULOUSLY hot and the most compatible as well. Gotta do it. So what the hell? I should be multidating all these girls but I just don't feel like putting in the effort. That's no way to find a new ltr, is it? Does anyone else have these problems with being too lazy to see people interested in you and practically begging to see you? I wish I had that problem. You should pick a couple you like best and date them until you decide which one you are more compatible with. I think trying to date 5 women at once will become a logistical nightmare and you might end up pissing off all of them if they find out. 2
SomeDude16 Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 Thanks, Dad. I'll be sure to straighten up and fly right from now on. Any time a lonely, bitter man comes in to attack me, calling me namee, I'll just say, "thank you, sir." A huge mistake to defend myself. Great personality you have there. How old are YOU? 90?? Like I said, you're making your insecurities clear. It's pretty obvious you have some issues that need to be resolved. I'm failing to see where I called you a name, if you could point it out to me I would appreciate it so I can apologize. Oh, like I said previously your ad hominem attacks are not helping further your point.
spiderowl Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 (edited) I'm sure plenty of people feel they can't focus on more than one girlfriend/boyfriend at a time. It's confusing to have several options. Think what it's like in a supermarket when faced with a bewildering choice of bolognese sauces? It's tiring having to mentally compare them. With people, you are dealing with so much more information. Do I choose this girl? What if I would have liked this one? It's too much and I'm sure those good-looking people with lots of options do find themselves bewildered at times, especially knowing that some of those interested are only attracted by looks in the first place. Maybe there is a gap between what you think you 'ought' to be able to cope with emotionally and what you are able to cope with. Why not just stick with the one girl who interests you the most and refuse to be diverted until or unless it fizzles out? Edited December 21, 2014 by spiderowl 1
Author nofeelings22 Posted December 21, 2014 Author Posted December 21, 2014 (edited) Went on the first date with #1 last night. She had me scheduled in before a going away party. It's her last night in town before going home for the holidays. Suggested next time we spend the whole day together. Very open to travel and already suggested she would be very interested in taking a semester off and traveling/working with me. I did not suggest it. But... she seems to do drugs a bit. So many people do... :/ Might be in the dating category rather than ltr. She is also getting into the local jam band/hippie scene. I did that in college too. Had hair half way down my back. All in all, a bunch of pretentious trustafarians for the most part. Exclusionary. Exactly the opposite of edm or burning man radically inclusive. And the music is soooo boring. Let's hope she doesn't get too far into it. Date with the most local one tonight. #4. Decided to take enigma's advice. Local only at this time, though one of the distant ones is super cool. Considering it. She really, really wants to video chat. And she's into cooking, travel, very chill and simple life. Went to go write music yesterday in a recording studio. Lots of interesting things about her worth exploring. Jab: Is that what your screen name is about? Because you spend all day online taking jabs at people? You called me a narcissist and lectured me about privilege. I'm surprised you didn't launch into an "entitlement" lecture. Being that anal and having such ridiculously Fox News esque types of conversation skills not only makes you sound 90, it also makes you a lousy person to talk with. This is 100% your problem in getting dates. Be a more normal, relatable guy, not a stuck up person who preaches down to everyone from your throne of excellence and people will start to like you more. And if that's really you in the avatar, loosen up, bro. Edited December 21, 2014 by nofeelings22
SomeDude16 Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 Jab: Is that what your screen name is about? Because you spend all day online taking jabs at people? You called me a narcissist and lectured me about privilege. I'm surprised you didn't launch into an "entitlement" lecture. Being that anal and having such ridiculously Fox News esque types of conversation skills not only makes you sound 90, it also makes you a lousy person to talk with. This is 100% your problem in getting dates. Be a more normal, relatable guy, not a stuck up person who preaches down to everyone from your throne of excellence and people will start to like you more. And if that's really you in the avatar, loosen up, bro. Look man, I want nothing more then for you to be happy. I really do. I hope that everything works out for you. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but I'm telling you what I see based on your actions. You are making excuses and denying the root problem. The problem is not that you are "too lazy to date", the problem is you are scared..... per your own statements. Im gong to quote you from June 10, 2014 It's like i enjoy the challenge of getting girls interested, then when I get somewhere, I am either psyching myself out or chickening out. I assume this is some kind of cowardly reaction I'm having so I don't get hurt or put my heart out there. December 6, 2014 I'm afraid of opening my heart to love fully again December 6, 2014 I'm terrified of loving fully again. Unable to fall 100% for what i consider to be the perfect girl now, because of my past extreme pain. Do you see? I can quote your last post and show you an example..... Might be in the dating category rather than ltr. She is also getting into the local jam band/hippie scene. I did that in college too. Had hair half way down my back. All in all, a bunch of pretentious trustafarians for the most part. Exclusionary. Exactly the opposite of edm or burning man radically inclusive. And the music is soooo boring. Let's hope she doesn't get too far into it. You will keep making excuses not to see these women, you will keep finding faults, because you are wanting to keep your distance. Your fear is holding you back. Your obviously a great looking guy in order to attract all these women, but its for nothing unless you are willing to put yourself out there. If you can address this fear, I suspect you will find yourself incredibly happy. Like I said earlier I don't think multi dating is right for you. You need to work on addressing that fear, and having multiple lower level relationships with different women is not going to do it. You are multi dating to distance yourself from feelings. Focus on one girl at a time, take it slow. That is how you will find your long term relationship. and you can stop with the attacks on me, you are a man in his 40's act your age. 2
Tonic Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 So wow... I have 5 girls who are interested to the point of wanting to go on a first date or come see me for the weekend. #1: Ridiculously compatible super hot university of FL Gainesville student - hour away #2: Girl I've hooked up with in NY wants to visit for a week #3: Girl i met online wants to come busy visit me for a weekend as a first date #4: Girl 40 mins away wants to go out to dinner and get to know each other #5: Best physical hookup of my life and counterculture oddball like myself , but with too much religious stuff wants to meet after new years for a 3rd date and have me stay over. Each of these girls is of my interest level in attractiveness and each is compatible for the most part. BUT... i just made an excuse not to have #3 come down this weekend . feeling too lazy and cheap to see her. lol I'm just happy having quiet time alone. Don't feel like paying her plane ticket either. Was supposed to go out with #4 last night but a slow time leaving work stuff behind had me behind schedule. we decided to do Sunday instead. I was relieved. Felt happy I didn't have to do everything necessary to go out on a date and watched Soith Park instead. Tonight is #1. I have to go to Urban Outfitters and H&M amd grab some new clothes . a Again, feeling too lazy to do any of this! But I will. This girl is RIDICULOUSLY hot and the most compatible as well. Gotta do it. So what the hell? I should be multidating all these girls but I just don't feel like putting in the effort. That's no way to find a new ltr, is it? Does anyone else have these problems with being too lazy to see people interested in you and practically begging to see you? Or you could stop leading them on? 2
aggie382 Posted December 21, 2014 Posted December 21, 2014 It sounds like all these options aren't really local would require work on your part eventually. That you don't even want them to put in the effort this time tells me you know that, and that you're just not that into them.
Author nofeelings22 Posted December 21, 2014 Author Posted December 21, 2014 Look man, I want nothing more then for you to be happy. I really do. I hope that everything works out for you. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but I'm telling you what I see based on your actions. You are making excuses and denying the root problem. The problem is not that you are "too lazy to date", the problem is you are scared..... per your own statements. Im gong to quote you from June 10, 2014 December 6, 2014 December 6, 2014 Do you see? I can quote your last post and show you an example..... You will keep making excuses not to see these women, you will keep finding faults, because you are wanting to keep your distance. Your fear is holding you back. Your obviously a great looking guy in order to attract all these women, but its for nothing unless you are willing to put yourself out there. If you can address this fear, I suspect you will find yourself incredibly happy. Like I said earlier I don't think multi dating is right for you. You need to work on addressing that fear, and having multiple lower level relationships with different women is not going to do it. You are multi dating to distance yourself from feelings. Focus on one girl at a time, take it slow. That is how you will find your long term relationship. and you can stop with the attacks on me, you are a man in his 40's act your age. Wow.... Now that I understood. Had no idea anyone followed things so closely here. Thank you very much for the incredibly clear, insightful and constructive feedback. I am in awe from this level of insight. I'm truly grateful and humbled by your post.
Author nofeelings22 Posted December 21, 2014 Author Posted December 21, 2014 Or you could stop leading them on? I'm not leading anyone on. I'm trying to get somewhere with developing an ltr. But, I need to sit back and really think about what Jab said. I think he's right. Excuse after excuse after excuse. I thought I was done being scared. That I was out there really trying to meet someone. An incredible set back. Maybe I'm still not ready, which is terrible. I mean how long does it take to get over a 10 year marriage? WTF? What's my problem? I'm looking for the right person to share a very fun/interesting life with and can't progress my feelings to that of love. Even more strange, I didn't love my ex wife when we first married.... well, not compared to what developed as time went on. True love took about 4 years to develop with her. But I'm failing to even get started here.... I'm just an average to a little above average looking guy. Girls like me because I understand them and know what they want, not because of looks. I know how to have a good conversation and relate to them. In fact, it's men I don't understand. But... yeah... I think Jab may be on to something here. I sabotage every one of them. The on/off Miami girl tried to push me away recently. I countered with an email. A very deep email. She texts me back saying she will call "tonight". I responsd to call after thinking about it a little more (she is going through a time of change). Like call later. Any proper guy would have lept at her calling. I was again, delaying it. Maybe I should just focus on my work right now. IDK. I have more than one very, very compatible, awesome girls wanting to talk. I'm also nervous I'll lose their interest with my non conventional life. Ok... going to think now. Jab.... I owe you one. I apologize for getting so testy.
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