Am I think reason he is abusive physically? he also is a narc I believe

[neesh]

I am currently pregnant and I lost my job, my apartment and now I am living with my aunt. That's one devastation. I also have a 5 yr old. I met my bf in March or April of this year and I WAS NOT PREGNANT. We started going steady in June I believe. He met my family. He seemed so nice to me and my son. The only things that threw me off were the fact that he had a little temper over tiny things and I heard two little peddy arguments he had with my 5 yr old. How childish.

 

And then he said he wanted to move with me. In my mind I'm like woah, movin kind of fast. I became pregnant in July by him and I started seeing his true colors. I'm ashamed to say at first I was not excited about the pregnancy. I was trying to go back to school. I told him I wanted to get rid of the baby and he said that he would leave me if I did. No matter what, I would make my own decision in spite of his choice. In the first two months, I had a spot of blood and I went to the hospital and they told me I had a threatened abortion meaning my baby may not survive. Luckily they were wrong and mixed my high score hcg with my low scores.

 

He was there for me every step of the way, however, that night I went in his phone and saw that he was sending nude photos and receiving and texting girls online. I reacted angrily. In my mind I am feeling like our baby may not survive and you wanna put your dick first???? I am still angry about that incident. He threw me on my couch and knocked my tv over and left my house. The next day I desperately kept calling him for answers and he disrespected me like it was my fault. I of course took him back that night like a dummy and IDK WHY. Things started to progress over time. He has done harmful things to me and I have shoved him and scratched his face and he believes I opened a door for him to hit me.

 

We fight over stupid things constantly. Things I would never normally argue over like not changing HIS SON'S DIAPER.???! I remember that night he threatened to shove it in my face. He like me is not working, but I have made much effort WHILE PREGNANT to seek employment. He does nothing, I feel. He feels differently. He chokes me, throws me, hits my head into walls, and humiliates me. He gets annoyed if my son cries and calls me a bad mom because my son does not listen. At my apartment, he has broken my doors and put a hole in my wall. I am very sad that I lost my apartment. I feel hurt and angry and like giving up.

 

My family knows some things, but whats the use of telling them how I feel if I keep going back and they do not wanna hear this depressing shhit, I am sick of crying. TONIGHT I bought us pizza and me him and my son watched the new ninja turtles. I felt a little relief because FINALLY we, three did something family like. I put my son to sleep and fell asleep with him. WHen I woke up I went into the living room with my boyfriend and saw that was watching a show that I like. He commented on something and I also made an INNOCENT comment and he rudely tells me to basically hush and he flees me with his hand. I get upset asking why I cant give my opinion as well on the show. He turns the tv off and tells me to go in the room.

 

I say no and I try to get the remote and turn it back on not knowing that I am escalating the situation, but he doesn't let me. That's when I walk out and he turns back on the tv and he says something rude and calls me a bitch. I go and turn the tv off and his light off and I unplug his tv. He gets up and and starts choking me and pulling my hair and he shoves me on the floor. I am so angry I knock something off the chair and he comes at me again pulling my hair again and pulling my head to the side like he wants to break my neck. He shoves me on the floor again and I purposely knock his aluminum pans over that were be taken out for trash.

 

He grabs them and starts beating my head with them. That's when I surrender and he grabs me by my neck and throws me towards his room. I continue crying and later he comes in his room to grab a towel. I angrily say turn the light off my son is sleep. He says back we wake him up so basically get over it. Im so sad and angry that while hes in the shower, i start banging on the door for him to open it. Im not sure why im doing it but i bang until he shoves the door open and it hits my stomach. I start yelling more saying he hit the baby.

 

He comes out and we start fighting. He chokes me again and again. i try to grab for his balls and i just get attacked in the face because im already on the floor. He says he nevervwanted to be with me so i knocked over his trash can and he starts doing things like smashing my face into the floor and he even used his foot against my face. He threw a mouse on me and I hit him with a piece of wood and winded up being thrown on the floor and he hit me with the wood n return. I told him I was going to call the cops and he grabbed me by my neck and made me sit on the kitchen floor. Every time I say I will call the cops, he turns extra violent. Every time I tried to get up he would choke or slap me or back hand me.

 

Finally he chokes me until i feel a muscle tear in my jaw and i comply and just sit there until he feels bad enough to let me go. My son saw him slap me and heard my screams. I don't understand why I deserve this. I am losing my identity. I no longer see my family. I isolate myself unless its with him or my son. I am a very outgoing person, but now I am not. I am almost seven months pregnant and I am so happy my baby is ok in spite of all the abuse? IDK if I am being abused because I also have attacked him even though I never hurt him and he dominates me. He tells me he has done nothing serious, but others think it's serious.

 

He tells me I try to play victim. I am sad because I have been in two other abusive relationships. My son has witnessed this one and my last relationship. His father hit me when he was a baby and he was in my hands so IDK if a baby can remember that.

 

I wanna know if I'm being abused or if I am the victim because when I find things in his phone that have to do with other woman, I do shove him and and I have put my hands on him. Or do nothing and he tells me I was being sneaky for checking his phone and he provokes me so I shove him but I DON'T HURT HIM. He in return chokes the life out of me or slaps me or does other harmful things. I never have bruises but I always feel crucial pain in my neck from the severity of the choking. I think I started this. I feel in made him abusive.

 

I did break up with him. He keeps saying sorry he will change. But I don't trust him. If he gets help should I go back. I do love him. He is handsome, nice body, I fell in love with him for more than that. He was charming, relatable, he paid for everything and wouldn't let me put a dime towards anything, he gave me money towards my rent, he didn't have much but its like he gave me his last.

 

I didn't have a bed so he gave me his and he slept on the floor at his house. That's why I fell for him.

Edited December 20, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[spiderowl]

I feel really sorry for your son who is being subjected to this mixed up situation. Your partner should not be hurting you and abusing you, that's for sure. If you think any of what he's done is acceptable, I can tell you it's not. The worrying thing is that you don't see that and, in some ways, you stay part of this whole thing because you do things that would provoke him. I am not saying you are provoking his violent abusive behaviour, but you obviously do feel a need to do things that are not effective in freeing you from this situation but only keep you entangled.

 

You seem to prioritise hitting back at him to leaving him. You are not winning anything. He is getting away with abuse. You are staying linked with him by engaging with him, albeit in an ineffective way, rather than getting out. The fact that you've been in several abusive relationships before also confirms that you have no idea what a normal relationship should be like and do not seem to have any boundaries. You are taking great risks. I am sure you know the only way to protect your son and your unborn child is to get out of this relationship but still you stay engaged with him.

 

I think you need to talk to the people running a women's shelter, people who are familiar with the dynamics in such a relationship. You seem aware that others will be frustrated if you tell them what happens and then don't leave him. Why don't you leave him exactly? What reasons do you give yourself to explain why you stay with him. Your children are in danger, as are you. Why do you consider this acceptable?

[spiderowl]

It might help the OP to have a variety of views on this. Any other posters?

[TigerLilly78]

I couldn't even read it all it was so bad at this point OP the details of whose "fault" it is just do not matter! this man is clearly abusive and violent you deserve better but more importantly YOUR SON DESERVES BETTER...you need to decide to do something about this and then do it..

 

When hes out and away and its safe pack your things and take your son and leave its not going to get better don't wait until he kills you and then your son is left to be raised by a man like this..save him from that fate there are other better men out there!

[Minnie09]

Is this for real?

If nothing else, think of your 5-year old, for crying out loud.

I don't know if you're a troll or not, but reading the op makes my stomach flip and I want to throw up. If this is real: He is physically violent, and so are you, and if this is the relationship you want, or if this is all you know, then something's wrong with you and you need help. Can you even imagine the fear your 5-year old felt while this was going on? I doubt he slept through it, but I'm praying he did. Jesus Christ almighty. I am thinking this advice comes too late, but you should not have another child. You can't even protect one. I'm sorry if this is harsh, but how irresponsible can people be? Omg.

[bathtub-row]

There are no words for how completely insane this situation is. I couldn't read it all, either. You need to get this idiot out of your life 100%. No negotiating, no discussions, no bargaining. Just leave, or make him leave. If the apartment is in your name, he has no right to be there and you can have the locks changed. You must get out of this situation, if for no other reason than your son. What you are allowing him to grow up in is inexcusable. You have taken the victim role (it makes no difference that you fight back in a battle you can't win) and you need to step out of that role. This idiot you're with will never stop until he kills you.

[spiderowl]

What do you actually get out of this relationship?

[anika99]

The biggest victim in this mess is your innocent little boy. If you are going to stay with this man then you are an unfit mother and do not deserve to keep your kids. Can someone in your family adopt your children. You are choosing this scum of the earth creep over your own child. This disgusting filth that you have only been screwing for 7 months is more important to you than the well being of your son. Find a good loving home for your children and then you and your Prince Charming can run off together and you two can just beat the crap out of each other.