Why do exes play games?

[HeBrokeMyHeart]

As the title says why do exes play games? Must be certain reasons why someone acted out in a certain way! I also want to know everyone's stories if they have ever been in this situation or in fact was the person playing games. What made you act out that way and do the things you did?

[Detectingfreak]

Because relationships suck. You need to just have fun in life and not do relationships. That is what I am doing. I meet so many more people nmow that I am not in relationships

[kenmore]

It depends a lot on the maturity of the people involved, but a lot of the time people don't really know what they want or where they are in a relationship, especially one that is ending, so they don't know how to act.

 

I like to think I have not played any games with my soon to be ex, but I'm sure there have been things I have done since we broke up that seemed nutty or dumb to her. For example, I went Christmas shopping the day before Thanksgiving, bought her and her family gifts (largely because her daughter AKA my step-daughter is still relatively young, and there was no way in Hell I was not going to buy her some gifts.) I thought about how I would get them to them, but I was not going to bring it up ahead of time because she would have told me, no doubt, to take them back. It turned out I needed some of my things which were still in her house, so she left me a key and left the house for a few hours. I put the gifts under her tree while I was there. I guess that was sort of a "game".

 

She changed the locks on the house, though there was no reason to. Her excuse is that "her gardener is also a locksmith, and he begged her for the work" which is so obviously full of crap, it's a joke, but all it did was make it more of a problem for her, because I can't just come by when she's at work and get my things, now she has to leave and come up with a plan to let me in.

 

To me, the biggest "game" we have had was (in my opinion) the mixed messages. I don't have enough fingers to count how many times she told me "we're done" or "just accept that it's over" or similar things, but there has been at least five different times when she has said things like "someday maybe we'll meet again and start over" or "give me a call in five years" or "ask me out when you're making over $40,000". To which, of course, I replied "why would I ask you out and try to start over after the way you're treating me now?"

 

At least, with no contact, there can't be games so easily. That's probably the biggest reason to do it!

[HeBrokeMyHeart]

I wish the last bit was true! My ex continues to play games even during NC! He's played the making me jealous game.

The rebound game.

The hot and cold game.

Going through our mutual friends game.

His friebds contacting me game.

 

You name it. I just don't understand it when he was the one who ended it.

[coolheadal]

Why bother talking communicate with your ex. In my case I did and I feel 100% better. She would talk to me from the time she was at her job, rest room , parking lot, driving, Walmart an at her new condo. 4 hrs as the last time.

 

Changed my cell phone service and number.

 

No reason to listen to the Ex unless you have kids involved. Other than that nope. Finish it!

[noob_saibot]

Because. They want to control you for there own emotions. Go nc. Don't take the bait. Be confident. Don't let her or him walk all over you . s/he's a joke. What you need to do is stop being a pawn in this game of chess. And don't just settle for the knight. Bishop. Rook. King or queen. Be the player. Its the only way to gain control. And beat them in their silly game.

[kenmore]

Hebrokemyheart, wow, I get it! Here's what I think:

 

making jealous: that is so immature! I haven't had that issue (yet) but it must hurt so badly!

 

Rebound, why would anyone do that other than a need for sex? I have decided that I may play the sex thing eventually since I know I'm damaged goods now, but it will be years from now. I think I may just look for a f**kbuddy and forgoe the traditional relationship.

 

Hot and cold? that's the game I mentioned AKA the mixed messages

 

Going through mutual friends? Wow, I awoke this morning thinking of a colleague of hers that turns me on so much! I want her as a F**kbuddy and am thinking of asking her after the divorce (in May.) I am loving the thought, but hating the thought of not having my wife (hot and cold on my part.)

 

Friends contacting me?

 

Not happening. You must be much hotter than I LOL. Her friends are all co-workers and they won't "betray" her. I just wish one or two would be human and not just an automatic drone. Count yourself as lucky, but turn them down IMO. I have no friends at all.

 

Coolhead and Saibot, You are of course right, but it is so difficult!

 

I still love my "wife" and still spring to attention when she contacts me. If it is negative (typical anymore) it still hurts and if it is neutral (rare), it still ends up hurting. It's another damn good reason for NC. It's so rarely "good" that I don't mention it.

 

Coolhead, that is so friggin' extreme that I applaud you! I may do that someday. It's interesting to note that my ex has had the same number since she was a teenager. This opens up a new post, please look for it:

[HeBrokeMyHeart]

Hebrokemyheart, wow, I get it! Here's what I think:

 

making jealous: that is so immature! I haven't had that issue (yet) but it must hurt so badly!

 

Rebound, why would anyone do that other than a need for sex? I have decided that I may play the sex thing eventually since I know I'm damaged goods now, but it will be years from now. I think I may just look for a f**kbuddy and forgoe the traditional relationship.

 

Hot and cold? that's the game I mentioned AKA the mixed messages

 

Going through mutual friends? Wow, I awoke this morning thinking of a colleague of hers that turns me on so much! I want her as a F**kbuddy and am thinking of asking her after the divorce (in May.) I am loving the thought, but hating the thought of not having my wife (hot and cold on my part.)

 

Friends contacting me?

 

Not happening. You must be much hotter than I LOL. Her friends are all co-workers and they won't "betray" her. I just wish one or two would be human and not just an automatic drone. Count yourself as lucky, but turn them down IMO. I have no friends at all.

 

Coolhead and Saibot, You are of course right, but it is so difficult!

 

I still love my "wife" and still spring to attention when she contacts me. If it is negative (typical anymore) it still hurts and if it is neutral (rare), it still ends up hurting. It's another damn good reason for NC. It's so rarely "good" that I don't mention it.

 

Coolhead, that is so friggin' extreme that I applaud you! I may do that someday. It's interesting to note that my ex has had the same number since she was a teenager. This opens up a new post, please look for it:

I have been NC now for a month. But as I said he's playing mind games through our mutual friends now. For example.

 

1) Straifht after I blocked him on snapchat, 2 days after his best friend added me on there. At first I thought nothing of it as I'm friends with his best friend. But I did find it a little odd, he had had dnapchat for a few months & could have added me when he got it, also he added me when he would have been with my ex on the way to work. But then since his adding me he hardly snapchats me & when he does he's with my ex when they're on the way too work. Thinking he just added me to check up on me & keep an eye on me I gave them what they wanted & snapchatted them when I was with a guy.

 

Another time my ex actually used our mutual friends snapchat to snspchat me. My mutual friend for some reason had deleted me from snapchat then readded me for some reason. Anyways I was sent a video, in which the mutual friend was sat across the table in (someone else was filming) I had a feeling it was my ex and when I saw the mutual friends fb post with there check in. I knew for certain it was him.

 

He's also played the my life is so much better game & I've moved on first game.

[hurts2death]

1)reassurance

2)confusion

3)ego boost<---this is dangerous

4)regret this is like 2% though.

 

but in general its all about them frm that point and on

 

 

As the title says why do exes play games? Must be certain reasons why someone acted out in a certain way! I also want to know everyone's stories if they have ever been in this situation or in fact was the person playing games. What made you act out that way and do the things you did?

[kenmore]

I have been NC now for a month. But as I said he's playing mind games through our mutual friends now. For example.

 

1) Straifht after I blocked him on snapchat, 2 days after his best friend added me on there. At first I thought nothing of it as I'm friends with his best friend. But I did find it a little odd, he had had dnapchat for a few months & could have added me when he got it, also he added me when he would have been with my ex on the way to work. But then since his adding me he hardly snapchats me & when he does he's with my ex when they're on the way too work. Thinking he just added me to check up on me & keep an eye on me I gave them what they wanted & snapchatted them when I was with a guy.

 

Another time my ex actually used our mutual friends snapchat to snspchat me. My mutual friend for some reason had deleted me from snapchat then readded me for some reason. Anyways I was sent a video, in which the mutual friend was sat across the table in (someone else was filming) I had a feeling it was my ex and when I saw the mutual friends fb post with there check in. I knew for certain it was him.

 

He's also played the my life is so much better game & I've moved on first game.

 

That sounds familiar.

 

When I got serious with my wife, I basically dropped facebook. I had been in a forum like this one but for widow(er)s, and I dropped that too. Since I had what I wanted in real life, I didn't feel I needed those things anymore, and I was using up too much time on them.

 

After our breakup, I rejoined facebook (perhaps that was a game on my part, but I was feeling very lonely) and sent her a friend request. At this point, we were on a trial separation, not getting divorced; we were still talking and I thought we would end up back together when I got on my feet.

 

Anyway, she rejected my friend request and blocked me, but her daughter still has a facebook account and is my friend. It took me awhile, but one day I realized that she was almost certainly using her daughter's account to see what I am up to on there. I won't "unfriend" her daughter because I love her like my own daughter and that would be hurtful to her, but I have completely stopped posting anything there.

 

To me, these social networks can be casual fun, but there's a lot of risk associated with using them.

 

My wife has confided that she has had to get therapy because her boss threatened her job if she didn't since she has been doing so badly. She has also told me that she had to buy new pillows because she cried into them so much. None of that makes me happy, even now, I wouldn't want to see her hurt. It does make me wonder why she's doing this though.

 

Saibot, I agree about the control. My wife is a total control freak. I believe she would do some extreme stuff if it meant controlling me more. Unfortunately she has the upper hand and has all along, which is part of our problem. It is my fault for letting myself into that position. Never again!!!