fullofguilt Posted December 19, 2014 Posted December 19, 2014 I think I've made a huge mistake... 7 months ago I met my boyfriend and since then we've hit it off so when we finally did "make it official" we agreed to use the first day we met as our "anniversary date". Little does he know ... The week after I met him, I slept with someone else. At the time I never expected to be so serious with my now boyfriend. We didn't even live in the same province, how was I to know that we would be together now ... But I feel so guilty about it that I haven't told him. But I feel like it would just hurt him for no reason, I'm all about trust and honesty but I've never lied to him again and I don't plan to. It's not my honesty that is the problem. I feel so guilty. I don't want to risk hurting him so badly I lose him but what if it comes out down the road ? Please someone help me. I love him more than anything or anyone I've ever loved and I think this it it. I know it sounds crazy but sometimes you just know. I can't lose him..
TigerCub Posted December 19, 2014 Posted December 19, 2014 You weren't official, you hadn't promised anything at that point, so it's not cheating, IMO. Don't sweat it and enjoy your bf and the relationship that you now have as a couple. 5
d0nnivain Posted December 19, 2014 Posted December 19, 2014 I'm a big believer that everybody is free to do whatever and whoever until those people make a mutual promise to be with each other only. What you did was before such a promise existed so no you didn't cheat. Being technically right is only half your issue. If he finds out he's going to be hurt. I wouldn't blurt it out but I might have made the anniversary date the date you agreed to be exclusive instead of the date you met. FWIW, my "dating anniversary" with my husband was the date of our 1st date & I was still multi-dating at the time. He knows we weren't exclusive until such time as we sat down & agreed to be exclusive. We never discussed details about what the other was doing between the time we met & the date we agreed to only see each other. I wouldn't ask nor would I disclose. Somethings the other person just doesn't need to know imo. You know your BF & yourself. What do you think will cause the least amount of damage: remaining quiet, disclosing or dealing with the aftermath if he finds out years from now? 3
NJ123 Posted December 19, 2014 Posted December 19, 2014 Officially I'd say it's not cheating, but you're using the first day you met as your yearly anniversary & you slept with someone else after that date. It's one of those gray area things I guess is best to say. If it's going to bother you so much though, you'll need to tell him. 1
Satu Posted December 19, 2014 Posted December 19, 2014 (edited) You have done nothing wrong, and don't need to judge yourself harshly. What happened with the other person took place before there was any agreement of exclusivity between you and your partner. You've kept to exclusivity since the relationship was established, so your record is 100% perfect. Something to think about: Think about the difference between *secret things* and *private things.* We all have a right to privacy. If you'd prefer to keep this part of your life private that's absolutely your right. Don't get your right of privacy mixed up with guilty secrets. If you are doing something wrong NOW that you don't someone to know about, that IS a guilty secret. So far you've just chosen to keep something that happened BEFORE your relationship took off private. Go and find something else to worry about. No. don't do that. Just enjoy the good relationship that you and your partner have built out of your love for each other Edited December 19, 2014 by Satu 2
soyou Posted December 19, 2014 Posted December 19, 2014 Hahahaha, i was in your shoes 3 years ago. I dated my boyfriend of that time for 2 two weeks. I was still banging other people since we were not official and god knows where our dating could lead to. I never told him and also dont find the need to tell him. I never felt guity about it. Its life. Whats done is done so move on and focus on building a healthy and loving relationship him instead of investing time on this non-sense. 1
NJ123 Posted December 19, 2014 Posted December 19, 2014 Hahahaha, i was in your shoes 3 years ago. I dated my boyfriend of that time for 2 two weeks. I was still banging other people since we were not official and god knows where our dating could lead to. I never told him and also dont find the need to tell him. I never felt guity about it. Its life. Whats done is done so move on and focus on building a healthy and loving relationship him instead of investing time on this non-sense. Honestly though, I think it would bother a lot more people than you think even though you technically didn't do anything wrong.
Mrin Posted December 19, 2014 Posted December 19, 2014 There is absolutely nothing to worry about here. He was probably nailing someone else too. It happens.
NJ123 Posted December 19, 2014 Posted December 19, 2014 Hahahaha, i was in your shoes 3 years ago. I dated my boyfriend of that time for 2 two weeks. I was still banging other people since we were not official and god knows where our dating could lead to. I never told him and also dont find the need to tell him. I never felt guity about it. Its life. Whats done is done so move on and focus on building a healthy and loving relationship him instead of investing time on this non-sense. I mean what do you honestly think your boyfriend would think if you told him you were banging not just one, but multiple people after dating him for 2 weeks.
soyou Posted December 19, 2014 Posted December 19, 2014 I mean what do you honestly think your boyfriend would think if you told him you were banging not just one, but multiple people after dating him for 2 weeks. Well, I dont have a double standard therefore I couldnt mind if he had banged multiple people at that time. We just dated each other for 2 weeks. Met twice. Nothing was serious. We didnt even know that we could later become bf and Gf.
NJ123 Posted December 19, 2014 Posted December 19, 2014 (edited) Well, I dont have a double standard therefore I couldnt mind if he had banged multiple people at that time. We just dated each other for 2 weeks. Met twice. Nothing was serious. We didnt even know that we could later become bf and Gf. True, but I'm just saying you wouldn't believe how many people in that situation would be bothered by it even if you weren't official. It's just the thought of sleeping with others right before officially being together, some just get turned off by that. Some would maybe view it in a way where their thinking like they weren't the desired first choice in a partner if they slept with someone else before you. Edited December 19, 2014 by NJ123
Danda Posted December 19, 2014 Posted December 19, 2014 I wouldn't mention it, but nor would I lie if asked outright, if I were in your shoes. We can debate technicalities all day long, but we know that from the moment someone felt at all possessive of us (not in like a creeper way) that any sex we had with anyone else from that point forward would upset them on some level. So while you didn't do anything wrong at all, it does make sense that you'd worry that your boyfriend would have an irrational upset reaction. Human emotions are often irrational, just how we roll, I guess. In general I don't mention my sexual history to a potential partner unless they ask me flat out. I figure nobody interested in me wants to hear about my exes and such.
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