I used to enjoy the holidays but now I don't

[Emerald_11]

I have come to realize that the reason I don't enjoy holidays is because I really can't stand quite a few of my husbands relatives who I am forced to spend way to much time with over the holidays. I have always been nice to them but have never felt truly accepted, and I really do not care. It is borderline painful for me to go to my husbands family functions.

 

 

I especially have a hard time liking/ getting along with my mother in law because she is very into her church and seems to think it makes her better than everyone and she seems to only have mean judgmental things to say about people. It really makes me mad when she imposes her religious beliefs upon my children and "teaches" them about it. I do not like her brainwashing them and I don't want them to be rude and judgmental like her.

 

 

I also have a very difficult time getting along with or liking one of my husbands cousins. She is super rude and doesn't even realize it. She recently told me that she hates me because I lost weight and am looking very good but she liked me better when I was fat. Also the last time I attended her daughters birthday party she was super ungrateful about the gift my husband & I picked out for her daughter- It was a whole bunch of play dough & toys..she didn't even care that her daughter liked it she said she hates play dough because it is messy. I wonder if she will let her daughter play with it or if she already returned it to a store... Her and I happen to share the same exact name!! I hate sharing the same name with her. I told my husband I want to change my last name back to my maiden name & just have a hyphen and then his last name. He didn't think I was serious but I am. I really am looking into getting my name changed.

 

 

I also have a really hard time getting along with one of his uncles because he was super creepy and always was telling gross jokes. He is now a convicted pedophile & is not allowed at family gatherings with children present I am so thankful I don't have to tolerate him anymore!!

 

 

Sometimes I want to move far away from here & family that live way too close for comfort so I have a good excuse to never have to spend time with these people again. My husband does not usually go with me to any of my family functions I am thinking I might do the same & avoid his family...It is not fair that if I want to spend time with him over the holidays it has to be with all of theses other people I would not care if I never had to see again in my entire life.

 

 

I really have tried hard over the years to get to know these people and I want to have fun & like having a good time. It takes effort on both sides if anything is going to work out and no matter how hard I try when there is no effort coming back it is a lost cause.

Do you all think it would be wrong for me to avoid going to spend time with his family??

[CALOVELY]

I have come to realize that the reason I don't enjoy holidays is because I really can't stand quite a few of my husbands relatives who I am forced to spend way to much time with over the holidays. I have always been nice to them but have never felt truly accepted, and I really do not care. It is borderline painful for me to go to my husbands family functions.

 

 

I especially have a hard time liking/ getting along with my mother in law because she is very into her church and seems to think it makes her better than everyone and she seems to only have mean judgmental things to say about people. It really makes me mad when she imposes her religious beliefs upon my children and "teaches" them about it. I do not like her brainwashing them and I don't want them to be rude and judgmental like her.

 

 

I also have a very difficult time getting along with or liking one of my husbands cousins. She is super rude and doesn't even realize it. She recently told me that she hates me because I lost weight and am looking very good but she liked me better when I was fat. Also the last time I attended her daughters birthday party she was super ungrateful about the gift my husband & I picked out for her daughter- It was a whole bunch of play dough & toys..she didn't even care that her daughter liked it she said she hates play dough because it is messy. I wonder if she will let her daughter play with it or if she already returned it to a store... Her and I happen to share the same exact name!! I hate sharing the same name with her. I told my husband I want to change my last name back to my maiden name & just have a hyphen and then his last name. He didn't think I was serious but I am. I really am looking into getting my name changed.

 

 

I also have a really hard time getting along with one of his uncles because he was super creepy and always was telling gross jokes. He is now a convicted pedophile & is not allowed at family gatherings with children present I am so thankful I don't have to tolerate him anymore!!

 

 

Sometimes I want to move far away from here & family that live way too close for comfort so I have a good excuse to never have to spend time with these people again. My husband does not usually go with me to any of my family functions I am thinking I might do the same & avoid his family...It is not fair that if I want to spend time with him over the holidays it has to be with all of theses other people I would not care if I never had to see again in my entire life.

 

 

I really have tried hard over the years to get to know these people and I want to have fun & like having a good time. It takes effort on both sides if anything is going to work out and no matter how hard I try when there is no effort coming back it is a lost cause.

Do you all think it would be wrong for me to avoid going to spend time with his family??

 

The bolded part really stands out to me. You go to his family functions year after year and hate it but he does not reciprocate. Your husband needs to figure out where his loyalties lie. I think you need to have a heart to heart with him and let him know that this is grossly unfair to you.

[Gloria25]

Well, how much time do you spend with them?

 

I mean, if it's just now like for Xmas...Just thank God you don't have to deal with them any other time of the year.

[Emerald_11]

Well, how much time do you spend with them?

 

I mean, if it's just now like for Xmas...Just thank God you don't have to deal with them any other time of the year.

 

No- it is all the time throughout the entire year. Kids birthdays, family bbq's adult birthday parties for everyone (except me, they don't throw me birthday parties) . I don't even care when it is their birthday since they never care or do anything for mine not even call me to say happy birthday. But I am supposed to drop everything & go to celebrate about any lame excuse to celebrate. They rarely even attend my kids birthday parties yet they get mad and make my husband feel guilty for not going to events they invite us to.

 

 

I told him he shouldn't feel bad & need to stop letting them control him but he seems to feel obligated.

His excuse for not going to my families parties is that one of my sisters makes him uncomfortable....& I am like well your whole family makes me want to move 3 states away!!

[Gloria25]

No- it is all the time throughout the entire year. Kids birthdays, family bbq's adult birthday parties for everyone (except me, they don't throw me birthday parties) . I don't even care when it is their birthday since they never care or do anything for mine not even call me to say happy birthday. But I am supposed to drop everything & go to celebrate about any lame excuse to celebrate. They rarely even attend my kids birthday parties yet they get mad and make my husband feel guilty for not going to events they invite us to.

 

 

I told him he shouldn't feel bad & need to stop letting them control him but he seems to feel obligated.

His excuse for not going to my families parties is that one of my sisters makes him uncomfortable....& I am like well your whole family makes me want to move 3 states away!!

 

Well, then I'm with CALOVELY on this one then...

[Emerald_11]

We made it through the holidays! I just want to say it wasn't as bad as it has been in the past. I really do enjoy visiting with people. A few relatives came from out of town. It was nice.....spent a lot of money, ate too much....blah blah blah Glad it is over.

My husband did come over to my parents house with me & the kids!! So I was glad about that. Since he doesn't always go with us...I think he felt bad because I was disappointed when he just a few weeks ago decided to not go to my grandma's 92nd birthday party with me.

We both have to at least try to be a part of our family including each others families and it is hard sometimes. We do have a rather large extended family in the area where we live. I do love my family but it gets a little overwhelming sometimes.

 

 

I have a secret plan to find a good job that will warrant a move not too far just sort of far away. (I still want to be able to visit sometimes)..after I graduate college in a few months. I crave adventure and think it would be good for my kids also. I have been checking job listings locally and in surrounding areas. My husband travels all around for work anyways I think when the time comes I will be able to convince him.