martaldn Posted December 19, 2014 Posted December 19, 2014 U could use the festivity period to send him a message wishing him a good xmas? this could relink the 2 of you and you can get the chance to talk to him again and maybe plan another date in the new year? I would do this as the last attempt and then if he doesnt reply or he seems uninterested I would leave it and move on.
Author DancinBallerina Posted December 19, 2014 Author Posted December 19, 2014 U could use the festivity period to send him a message wishing him a good xmas? this could relink the 2 of you and you can get the chance to talk to him again and maybe plan another date in the new year? I would do this as the last attempt and then if he doesnt reply or he seems uninterested I would leave it and move on. Ahh good idea! Well he's going on holiday . . .Christmas day, so I guess I could take that opportunity and say Merry Christmas, but also safe flight! 1
Redhead14 Posted December 19, 2014 Posted December 19, 2014 Hi all, New to the site, so go easy on me but I have a burning situation which I need answering. So I found myself on PoF, been on/off it for a few years, as quite frankly the majority of men on there are a bunch of douche bags (apologies if that offends anyone). Anyway just as I was to get rid of my account, a nice guy messaged commenting on my picture and etc. We exchanged messages for a day before I decided to bite the bullet and give him my mobile number so we could chat on Whatsapp (which I find a lot easier). He quickly took up that offer and messaged me right away. The messaging continued continuously for a week; him sending me morning texts which I found very endearing and quite sweet giving me the impression he was very keen. We would text during the working day right up until it was time to go to bed. Later that week we agreed to a date, which was fine, he was happy to meet and so was I. We met, had a good evening, although we were both quite nervous. As we departed, he gave me a hug and then planted snogs on me which I was not expecting but simply went with it. We said our goodbyes and then went our separate ways. I hadn't even got home and he texted saying he enjoyed the night and wanted to see me again, to which I agreed. I didn't continue texting back and forth that night because I was tired and didn't want to be a nuisance. So I left it at that. Because I don't like to ignore or be rude, I returned the message but left it until Saturday night to respond, to which he did not reply which was fair enough as we all have lives to live. He didn't reply back until the following day after lunch. He made very little talk and I got the hint he just wanted time to himself, which is fair enough. The following day, well morning before I went to work he messaged, apologising for being quiet and then proceeded with hope I have a good day and etc, which again the conversation continued throughout the day but on and off. That week we tried to see each other several times (not making plans as such but inviting each other round), however either I was busy or he was busy. I'm not the type of girl to push or hassle so kinda left it at that. Although we've spent most of the whole 'thing' talking via Whatsapp message, I figured we were getting on ok, taking things slowly, not rushing. Monday (just gone) he was messaging ok as usual through the day, more so the evening. However his messages got shorter and more blunt, to which I got the hint he wanted to be left alone (he said he was really tired) which I said ''I'll leave you to it'', but he then proceeded to continuing to message with ''I need a cuddle'' and etc. The final message I sent, merely as a tongue in cheek response in relation to the hug, was ''One day''. Since then I have heard nothing since! Now what baffles me is this - the constant messaging for 2weeks solid, telling me he's looking for a relationship, isn't into playing games, very honest and up front, and now he's given me the silent treatment! I'm sat here thinking what have I done? I haven't messaged as I don't chase men and I don't want to appear like I am being needy/clingy. But at the same time kinda want to know what I've done wrong, if it was me putting my 'foot' in it and ruining something? :( So any anyone decipher what exactly is going on here? Have a feeling he's done a runner or through his constant messaging, has killed what spark there was . . (although he would initiate the messaging, I didn't always respond back quickly . .I would wait a while). Thoughts ladies and gents? . . What could you have done wrong? This guy didn't want to chit chat, he wanted you to come there and "cuddle". Since you didn't bite, he was annoyed or just didn't want to bother anymore. And if you're worried about the messaging and the way you handled it in your efforts not to be clingy or needy, remember it's about balance. If you really like a guy and he messages you and you can, you respond right away. Don't leave him guessing. Think about what you do when someone doesn't respond right away . . . you start thinking they aren't interested, or ignoring you, etc. He messages, you respond in kind and in a balanced way. If you couldn't respond right away, you explain that you were happy to see his message but were unable to answer because of . . . (unless it's really none of his business). Responding in a balanced way is not being clingy. Clingy would be texting or messaging him, not getting the response when you want it and then sending a bunch more messages. 1
Author DancinBallerina Posted December 20, 2014 Author Posted December 20, 2014 What could you have done wrong? This guy didn't want to chit chat, he wanted you to come there and "cuddle". Since you didn't bite, he was annoyed or just didn't want to bother anymore. And if you're worried about the messaging and the way you handled it in your efforts not to be clingy or needy, remember it's about balance. If you really like a guy and he messages you and you can, you respond right away. Don't leave him guessing. Think about what you do when someone doesn't respond right away . . . you start thinking they aren't interested, or ignoring you, etc. He messages, you respond in kind and in a balanced way. If you couldn't respond right away, you explain that you were happy to see his message but were unable to answer because of . . . (unless it's really none of his business). Responding in a balanced way is not being clingy. Clingy would be texting or messaging him, not getting the response when you want it and then sending a bunch more messages. Prior to his ''I need a cuddle text'', he said he was dead tired, to which I responded with ''I'll leave you to it'', and then he dropped the ''I need a cuddle''. I took that as he genuinely was tired, and not an invitation to come round ?? So I am busy at work, he messages and I have to respond straight away?? I have a life, and I cannot spend my time texting a bloke!! Yes, I have taken a while on some occasions to respond but he always gets a reply. He also takes a while to respond to me as well, so it's not all him replying back straight away and etc!!
Author DancinBallerina Posted December 21, 2014 Author Posted December 21, 2014 (edited) UPDATE: I've still not heard bugger all - which is absolutely fine. But what I have noticed is he is accepting a lot of fb requests from various girls which isn't a problem. But it's now making me realise I think he's on some sort of an ego boost, or is simply stringing lots of girls along from PoF! This has definitely taught me a lesson - don't believe every word that is ejected from a man's mouth, as 9 times outta 10, it'll be cock & bull!!! Onwards and upwards - merry Xmas all. Edited December 21, 2014 by DancinBallerina
Author DancinBallerina Posted December 26, 2014 Author Posted December 26, 2014 U could use the festivity period to send him a message wishing him a good xmas? this could relink the 2 of you and you can get the chance to talk to him again and maybe plan another date in the new year? I would do this as the last attempt and then if he doesn't reply or he seems uninterested I would leave it and move on. . . I took on board your advice and sent him a message . . he responded . . apologised for not being in touch, as he was in the process of getting ready for holiday and etc. He said when he is back, hopefully in the NY we can catch up . . . sent a response more or less putting the ball in his court. I've done my bit now so will wait and see what happens, although I am not holding my breath. Lets see what 2015 will bring . . .(I hope it is no more man misery, 10+years I've endured it, need a break and I deserve a nice chap) . . .
Recommended Posts