BC1980 Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 Arnold Schwarzenegger said he doesn't mind losing in a competition, only if he knows he did everyone he possibly could do in the given time frame before it, to win. If he lost, then he has nothing to be angry about because he left no stone un-turned. You know, there is also a lost to be said about knowing when to fold.
Chatmonkey Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 You know, there is also a lost to be said about knowing when to fold. thats actually very true and a good point. There is a book on that interestingly enough! https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/324748.The_Dip The broken heart is stubborn though and before any decision is made to fold there common factor is enough evidence was provided to the person to make that decision. However much evidence it was either repeated attempts at contact with failure, or just the moment they ended it.
BC1980 Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 thats actually very true and a good point. There is a book on that interestingly enough! https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/324748.The_Dip The broken heart is stubborn though and before any decision is made to fold there common factor is enough evidence was provided to the person to make that decision. However much evidence it was either repeated attempts at contact with failure, or just the moment they ended it. It actually took NC for many months for me to accept that it was over. There wasn't some magic moment when I accepted it. It happened gradually. I stayed in contact with my ex for several months, which only reinforced the fact that I was not accepting it was really over. Contact with my ex was my form of denial.
Simon Phoenix Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 care to explain why Because you're sitting there without teeth. Losing all of your teeth (yes I know it's a metaphor) because you are too stubborn to listen to the reasonable advice of other is insane. The quote I feel is much more relevant is "you have to know when to hold them, and you have to know when to fold them." which BC alluded to a few posts above.
Simon Phoenix Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 If you want to fight, you pick the right battle. This is a stupid battle, this is a pointless battle. This is a battle he can not win. People want to "fight" for their love, but they fight for their love like a drunk fights in the alley behind the bar. They are swinging wildly, they have no defenses, and they end up face down on the pavement or in the drunk tank. If you are going to "fight", fight like a general leading an army and fortify your defenses and make sure everything is on point before even thinking of invading. You talk about Arnold Schwarzenegger and sports, but even Arnold had a plan of action and made sure that he was in tip-top shape physically before starting the fight. You don't see sports teams playing a game without a game-plan or strategy, or just adopting a game-plan without considering its likelihood for success. If you're reasoning for contact is just to prove that you aren't "afraid" or "chicken" like Marty McFly in Back to the Future, then you aren't doing this correctly. This isn't a d--k-measuring contest -- this is your emotional well-being. Acknowledging that you aren't prepared for the fight is a heck of a lot braver and prudent than mindlessly stumbling into it in a stubborn haze to prove that you are "macho" or "the man". 1
Chatmonkey Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 The situation isn't that deep to be quite honest. People enjoy making it a lot more complicated than it is because that validates the hours spent ruminating on it. Contacting an ex almost always results in pain, so the conclusion we can draw is: Don't contact your ex. And how in the world would sending a Happy Birthday or Merry Christmas text give anyone closure? After all this time reading posts on LS, this is the first time I've heard someone say that. Of course sending a simple text is indeed a very trivial thing. So why in the world would you do it? True. But i have seen previous posts on here of people who have dared to send that text, and gotten little/no response (so have I) and what that does is it just removes any doubt you may have had. If anything, it's just another piece of evidence that it's over. Sure it caused a bit of pain after, but, for me personally, I think in the long run it helped me recover quicker as that small little act was kind of like the nail in the coffin and a confirmation.
guest569 Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 Noooope. I regret every bit of contact I made with my ex since the breakup. At the times where I reached out.. I felt relieved and glad about it, but now I wish I had just walked out of his house without a single word and never spoken to him again. It's really tough though.. I don't think a simple "Merry Christmas" is really worth opening up the communication. It seems really pointless to me, definitely not 'courteous' or 'the right thing to do' its just Christmas. Regardless of how the breakup went and how you feel, it was a breakup that required 2 months without contact up until now.. so it seems like you still have some feelings there.
David87 Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 Dont do it. Delete the number and be done with it. 1
Ieris Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 Never mind what your intentions are, to your ex it can come across as if you're still sitting there thinking about them/wanting them back. If an ex messaged me "Happy Birthday/Merry Christmas" i would read it like "Hey i'm still here! look at me! i want your attention!". If you say you want to move on then move on, why make yourself look like a fool one more time... 2
Author RedButton Posted December 21, 2014 Author Posted December 21, 2014 (edited) Not sure about Christmas, but this might be good for the birthday. She breakup with you. Why do you think she deserves a Merry Christmas from you??? Did you even read the OP? Dont do it. Delete the number and be done with it. I haven't felt the need to delete the number since I haven't had the urge to contact her for weeks. As I said already, I decided I'm not going to mainly because: Never mind what your intentions are, to your ex it can come across as if you're still sitting there thinking about them/wanting them back. If an ex messaged me "Happy Birthday/Merry Christmas" i would read it like "Hey i'm still here! look at me! i want your attention!". If you say you want to move on then move on, why make yourself look like a fool one more time... Thanks, I was worried it would come off as a ploy to get her back or something, which is really not what I'm after. As I said before, I'll not make contact and we are mature enough to understand why we wouldn't even if we don't have ill-will towards eachother. Edited December 21, 2014 by RedButton
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