Darren2013 Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 I'm personally much more comfortable doing short dates in the early stages. The only exception would be if I am traveling out of state to meet someone. Like my original plan with Kentucky woman was to meet at Starbucks for 30 minutes and if I was getting the vibe that she was enjoying herself then I would take her to dinner for 1 hour that same day. Afterwards that would be the end of the date. Part ways and then I would go back to my motel room and stay there for the rest of the day and then drive back home early the next morning. But for first dates I used to do locally it would just be a 30 minute date at a coffee shop. Bottom line is we don't know for sure if there's any genuine connection there until after the first date. Before I go on that date the only information I have at my disposal is that presumably we both are curious enough to meet up and check each other out and see what happens. If there's no connection then the worst that can happen is we both wasted 1/2 an hour of our lives for nothing and I spent 12 bucks on coffee and pastries. Because it is such a small segment of my time and money I feel good taking that risk. If there is a connection and it is very strong then we can always explore that more on a 2nd date. Besides I feel it is best to end the date while things are on a high note. Right when she is laughing at my jokes that's the time to end it. I don't want to drag it out and risk overstaying my welcome. I'm not just like that with dating. Even with friends or family I make it a point to keep time together short. Like if I am invited to someone's home I make sure I leave long before there's any risk of overstaying. That's just good manners. Even if they enjoy my company it doesn't matter. If the first date goes well then the 2nd date will last about 1 hour. 4-5 hours for the first dates is too long in my opinion. It feels weird spending that much time with a stranger.
1980alence Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 That's good advice, I've been on several first dates that lasted too long. Even if we're way into talking about things - cover too much ground and there might not be enough to talk about on the second date!
Author Darren2013 Posted December 18, 2014 Author Posted December 18, 2014 The idea for me is to leave the other person hungry for more. If they enjoy my company and we end the date on a high note then good. They will be thinking about our interaction and all the more reason to look forward and get excited about the next time. If her only complaint to all her girlfriends about me is that I cut our dates too short then I must be doing something right as this means she enjoys my company. If she doesn't enjoy my company then it goes without saying that it is also a good reason to cut the date short because I certainly don't want to make her life miserable by annoying her. 2
Mrin Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 I used to adhere to this school of thought - sorta. But when I feel a really good connection I toss it out the window. Case in point - current GF/love of my life: first date 6 hours. Second date 13 hours. Third date 9 hours. Working out pretty great so far! I think it all depends. 1
evanescentworld Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 1st date - 10 years, this October. Still not done..... 1
sillyanswer Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 I totally disagree with the topic. Sure, it can be good to keep the first date short or to have the option to cut it short (or the option to extend it and then don't take that option) if things don't go well, but if things are going well then the first and subsequent dates can be long. It's just completely wrong to say that people have "gotta keep the first few dates short regardless", but if it's working for you then stick with it. 1
Gloria25 Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 I used to adhere to this school of thought - sorta. But when I feel a really good connection I toss it out the window. Case in point - current GF/love of my life: first date 6 hours. Second date 13 hours. Third date 9 hours. Working out pretty great so far! I think it all depends. I agree to a point.... IMO, 30 min is too short. But an "all nighter" is also too long. One time I met a guy and we really clicked. I spent ALL NIGHT talking on the phone with him. When I look back on it, I was attracted to him, but "something" killed the flame. I blame the all night talking. I mean, when we had our first date, it was nice, but since we talked all nite, there was nothing left to "discover".
Mrin Posted December 19, 2014 Posted December 19, 2014 I agree to a point.... IMO, 30 min is too short. But an "all nighter" is also too long. One time I met a guy and we really clicked. I spent ALL NIGHT talking on the phone with him. When I look back on it, I was attracted to him, but "something" killed the flame. I blame the all night talking. I mean, when we had our first date, it was nice, but since we talked all nite, there was nothing left to "discover". I hear ya. I think it really depends on the amount of click. To be honest - I felt great connection with my GF on the first date. We basically thirsted on each other intellectually. But it wasn't until I kissed her on the second date that an unbelievable energetic connection and chemistry combustion took place. After that - yeah. Smitten.
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