CoolBurn Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 (edited) Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 months. He's 23, I'm 20. Recently I told my family about us two as a couple and although they haven't officially met, they showed a lot of interest in him. They are happy for me and like him very much. About two weeks ago my boyfriend started acting distant on texts. He never really took too long to respond and was always eager to talk to me. He works in journalism and is busy at all hours of the day, his job demands a lot of human interaction and he's almost always working with someone on something. We discussed the weirdness and he said that he believes we need to stop texting as much because it frustrates him, especially when we have arguments over texts. I do agree with him on this, but it hurts my feelings that he would want to take that attention away from me, when it took the two of us in the first place to establish that form and frequency of communication. What also adds to my concern is that I ended a previous relationship on basically the same pretexts (at the time I thought I was helping the relationship, but later on I observed I was unconsciously emotionally distancing myself the whole time). Could this be the case? Besides the less frequent communication, nothing's changed. We still see each other approx. 3 times a week, he's still as affectionate and attentive when we're together as he was before, but this confuses me. Is it him trying to regain control of his feelings and our relationship? Is he losing feelings? Is he getting scared from the seriousness of the relationship? What is happening? Edited December 18, 2014 by CoolBurn
Redhead14 Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 months. He's 23, I'm 20. Recently I told my family about us two as a couple and although they haven't officially met, they showed a lot of interest in him. They are happy for me and like him very much. About two weeks ago my boyfriend started acting distant on texts. He never really took too long to respond and was always eager to talk to me. He works in journalism and is busy at all hours of the day, his job demands a lot of human interaction and he's almost always working with someone on something. We discussed the weirdness and he said that he believes we need to stop texting as much because it frustrates him, especially when we have arguments over texts. I do agree with him on this, but it hurts my feelings that he would want to take that attention away from me, when it took the two of us in the first place to establish that form and frequency of communication. What also adds to my concern is that I ended a previous relationship on basically the same pretexts (at the time I thought I was helping the relationship, but later on I observed I was unconsciously emotionally distancing myself the whole time). Could this be the case? Besides the less frequent communication, nothing's changed. We still see each other approx. 3 times a week, he's still as affectionate and attentive when we're together as he was before, but this confuses me. Is it him trying to regain control of his feelings and our relationship? Is he losing feelings? Is he getting scared from the seriousness of the relationship? What is happening? There isn't a way for us to tell you what's happening for sure. What I would do, first, is cut down on the texting. One text, here and there, wait for a response, and even if he doesn't respond, don't send another text. Wait for him to contact you. Secondly, have you two actually discussed whether or not you are a couple? Until you've had that discussion, you shouldn't be telling anyone that you are. If you haven't had that discussion and you are behaving as though you are a couple, that puts pressure on it too. It's usually better to meet the parents before you've declared yourselves as a couple in an informal setting. A guy often observes his family's reaction to a new girl and respects their opinions. If that goes, well, the relationship will go to another level or help that. In addition, if he is pulling away, don't try to pull him back and don't add additional distance between you. You stay where you "are", make more plans for yourself that don't include him. Let him have the space he needs to figure out what he's feeling. Don't bring up the distance again, it will put pressure on him and you. If you have had the relationship discussion and you are a couple, he may be trying to get his mind around that and just needs a little time to "get used to it". Let him come to you more for a bit. Kinda like in the beginning of the relationship. When he contacts you, you respond in kind and according to the level of interaction. In other words, don't be more emotional than he is. If he's not being overly cuddly or what have you, don't up your response and gush over him, for example. Balance is key.
deathandtaxes Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 We discussed the weirdness and he said that he believes we need to stop texting as much because it frustrates him, especially when we have arguments over texts. He's kindly asking you not to text so much. LISTEN to him. And why on god's green earth would you argue over text? I do agree with him on this, but it hurts my feelings that he would want to take that attention away from me, when it took the two of us in the first place to establish that form and frequency of communication. Now you're just being needy. He said he's busy. You already see each other three times a week. And now you need to text all the time? He's being very forthright with you and you should be grateful that he's being that way. There's nothing really wrong except he sees you as being needy by texting all the time when you already see each other. Save it for the in person talking. It's so much better in text and maybe he wants to miss you a little bit between seeing you.
JK79 Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 [quote=He works in journalism and is busy at all hours of the day, his job demands a lot of human interaction and he's almost always working with someone on something. We discussed the weirdness and he said that he believes we need to stop texting as much because it frustrates him, especially when we have arguments over texts. I do agree with him on this, but it hurts my feelings that he would want to take that attention away from me, when it took the two of us in the first place to establish that form and frequency of communication. Besides the less frequent communication, nothing's changed. We still see each other approx. 3 times a week, he's still as affectionate and attentive when we're together as he was before Is it him trying to regain control of his feelings and our relationship? Is he losing feelings? Is he getting scared from the seriousness of the relationship? What is happening? I'm afraid I have to be honest - are you at work while you are texting him at his work? Are you bored when you text him? Quick summary. He is busy at work. Texting frustrates him as he is busy. You've spoken about it. You actually agree it needs to stop. You don't like it though. Besides this he is just as affectionate as before and everything great. It is only with the advent of text and mobile phones (very recent past) that for some reason some people expect to be in contact with their partners 24/7. Yes - it is extremely nice to be ... when possible ... but when at work ... work has to be the priority as that is what we are paid to do. People still had brilliant relationships when phoning a partner at work was frowned on and many, in the forces or such, would have to exist on snail mail for contact with partners. By your own admission everything else is fine. I think this about you ... not him.
acapelo_dp Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 Like other posters said, you need to listen to him and cut down on the texting. I've been with my boyfriend a year and a half, we see each other 2-3 times a week and we texted twice in the past three days. We are both busy with work etc, so there's no need to be texting all day. I know he cares, and you should know your boyfriend cares also. You see each other three times a week and that is healthy for a relationship at 5 months. Don't stress about the texting part.
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