Ever have a man THINK you're "together"?

[LookAtThisPOst]

This usually happens at Meetup events, but I often see men that come with women to these events, only to start using terms of endearment with them like "Want me to get you a drink, hon?"

 

Some to the point where they start getting close and putting their hand on the small of their back when talking to others in a group mingle.

 

I had a female friend deal with this constantly and perhaps men ask women to events but not say, at least not directly, "Hey, do you want to be my date to this event?" If the word "date" isn't used, then the woman MAY think you're just going out as friends, and this is where it can get touchy to downright dangerous.

 

Not downtalking women, but it's funny how SOME women don't pick up on what a man's intentions when it comes to joining him for certain things.

 

This one guy had a huge thing for this woman at an outdoor Meetup. He had a 5th wheel pull behind trailer that was taking to a weekend camp out. She carpooled with him and even used his camper as a place to sleep. They shared sleeping quarters...so what was he suppose to think?

 

That evening some guy was attempting to get her to sit on his lap in a group photo and the man that brought this woman to the event got jealous, though he didn't go into a rage, he calmly said "I'd appreciate it if you didn't sit on another man's lap while we're together."

 

She never did sit on his lap for other reasons as she didn't feel comfortable doing it either way, but the guy started to get somewhat possessive in a sense that they were "together".

This raised an eyebrow with her, but she muddled forth. When they both went to sleep, they slept separately in the same quarters...the other patrons of the campsite where having a bit of fun with them by pushing up on the side of the camper yelling, "If this camper is a rockin', don't come a knockin!!"

At the end of the weekend, they packed their stuff up and headed back. He wanted to take a side trip with her to the beach and she agreed and that's when he asked her to be his girlfriend.

 

She refused...and told him, "I only think of you as a friend." ...well....let's just say it was an awkward drive home.

 

When she had told me this story, I was like 'Um..what did you expect?" I didn't surprise me that he thought of this person as a serious prospective girlfriend.

 

Anyhow, have you heard of situations like this happening with other people? WIth yourself even? As a man, have you been the said man who thought "Hey, I have a shot with this woman!"

[GemmaUK]

Absolutely! I've never been to a meet up group but this kind of thing happens to me a lot.

Mostly though it's something I have attended on my own and once there I'll end up having men latch on to me. I think I bring out some kind of protective side.

Some guys have been tough to shake off and I've ended up leaving an event as it just ruined the experience for me.

 

 

The most similar incident to that which you have described though was meeting a guy as a friend for lunch. I was really seriously clear that it was only just as friends.

We had mutual friends and were members of a small forum, he lived localish and had suggested several times to meet up.

We had lunch and he started getting funny as two guys twice the size of him had apparently glanced at me in the café, he then went on to say he would punch their lights out if they looked my way again.

 

 

I made an excuse and left shortly after.

 

 

Later when I got home he had made an announcement on the forum that we were an item and said we had kissed. It was all totally untrue. Thankfully, our mutual friends didn't believe a word.

 

 

Then he sent me texts saying he wanted the 'relationship' to move to the next level...

He never did listen when I said that I was totally not interested and would not meet him again.

He was delusional.

 

 

If a guy asks a woman to attend something then he really should be clear in what context he means. It's actually quite manipulative not opening up and saying the intention is that it's a date.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Should the word "Date" even be used in a sentence? I have a male friend of mine that believes in being purposely vague in saying something like, "I figured we'd get together and have fun at the concert coming up this Sat. night, how about that?"

 

Even though he's 50, he believes in "keeping it light" and "keeping it fun" by not even bringing up the "D" word...at least initially.

 

He tends to over use the word "fun" when asking a woman out (Not in a sexual way, but just in a general way of having a "fun" experience together at a certain event). I think he's known his female friends to express to be turned off by a man moving to fast by asking them out and to rather transition into that by doing what he does.

 

 

Absolutely! I've never been to a meet up group but this kind of thing happens to me a lot.

Mostly though it's something I have attended on my own and once there I'll end up having men latch on to me. I think I bring out some kind of protective side.

Some guys have been tough to shake off and I've ended up leaving an event as it just ruined the experience for me.

 

 

The most similar incident to that which you have described though was meeting a guy as a friend for lunch. I was really seriously clear that it was only just as friends.

We had mutual friends and were members of a small forum, he lived localish and had suggested several times to meet up.

We had lunch and he started getting funny as two guys twice the size of him had apparently glanced at me in the café, he then went on to say he would punch their lights out if they looked my way again.

 

 

I made an excuse and left shortly after.

 

 

Later when I got home he had made an announcement on the forum that we were an item and said we had kissed. It was all totally untrue. Thankfully, our mutual friends didn't believe a word.

 

 

Then he sent me texts saying he wanted the 'relationship' to move to the next level...

He never did listen when I said that I was totally not interested and would not meet him again.

He was delusional.

 

 

If a guy asks a woman to attend something then he really should be clear in what context he means. It's actually quite manipulative not opening up and saying the intention is that it's a date.

[shet]

Not quite "thinking being together" but vis a vis dates that aren't dates, a relevant topic to me, though I'm a guy.

 

I've run the gamut on the issue from being on what I intended to be friendly outings apparently being thought dates by the lady, to being on what felt like dates but later turn out not to have been.

 

I'm a believer in not using the word date. The asking and invite is the message. You're single, I'm single, and I want to spend time in your exclusive company at a special event. I'm not asking you to get a 20 minute lunch at work, I'm asking you to the theatre or a fancy dinner, or the zoo or waterskiing. I have friends, I'd be asking them if I wanted to do these things with them, but you know funny thing, I don't, because they're clearly date activities. It's always women I already know. We've already done lunches and walks around town, enough of it to know I want to see more of you and think you might me. This is an escalation. Are you that ****ing lonely that you'll overlook the abundantly obvious message that a teenage girl would understand because I might be being friendly? Do you need another friend that much? We're already friends. I've seen your dog, met your other friends, broken bread with you, probably even got drunk with you. Just turn me down if you aren't interested. Using the word date, to say, "date me plz", is... gauche. Crass. As is, IMO, requiring it to be used before you get the point.

 

Many women get this. Some don't. A friend of mine dated a woman 14 times, round each others houses, cooking together, feet on each others laps Netflixing, playing with each others hair, and when he made a definitive move it caused a big argument and she fled. I myself have dated a woman 5 times only to be told, arbitrarily, that the 6th time was "looking like a date" and she wasn't interested in that (it was no different than other times).

 

Then on the other hand I've had women try to get into my house and bed after meeting for goddamn coffee after work. Once when I was younger I went to help a friend take her mind off a bad patch and when I went to leave after a fun, distracting day, wanted me to stay and make out and seemed very upset when I explained that wasn't the idea. I helped another girl move house once who got upset when I didn't shag her in the ****ing bed I'd just built for her. My point of view here is, the former examples were dates, obviously dates, and the women apparently missed the point; these latter examples (after work coffee, helping move house) are clearly not dates, and the women missed the point in the other direction.

 

What it seems to come down to is the individual. Some women get the picture. Others are clueless. Others still are teases with nothing better to do and a mildly sociopathic approach to life; and others again, and this is a personal theory of mine, seem to have this conviction (from youth or stubbornness) that men and women can be friends regardless of single status, personality, loneliness, horniness, what you actually do together, or basically any actual pragmatic real world factors and context, provided you keep your hands off each other. Which is so flamingly wrong, and goes up in their face over and over with strings of very soured "friendships", and yet they will not just learn to keep men they aren't interested in at arms length. Don't go round his house or invite him to yours, alone. Don't say yes when he asks you to La Boheme, alone. Don't stay out with him after work for drinks to 1am, and have him walk you home, and offer him coffee. Even if he asks. Especially if he asks. Don't spend entire Saturdays pub crawling together when he thought you were getting one lunchtime pint. Just don't ****ing do these things. If he's a friend meet him in friendly contexts, in groups, for pizza, for hikes or bike rides. Learn to live in an adult world where everyone is an adult with desires and interests and emotions. We can not just all be BFF's like we're in the playground. Yes it's sad, in a way, but it's real life.

[SomeDude16]

I'm pretty old school when it comes to this. When I want to go on a date I use the word "date". When I want to "hang out" I day hang out. This is where I always see people failing, they fail to communicate effectivley. If your the one offering the invitation you must make your intentions clear. Failure to do so makes things complicated and is rude.