Cobaltius Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 (Okay I posted this under a different forum by accident but I thought this category would be better oops...) I have been in a relationship for about 6 months with the greatest girl I've met out of my dates and relationships I've had in the past. Let me describe who she is and what I find great about her: Well, I've always had issues on finding a good person for me to be with after my very first relationship which happened to be my first love about almost 2 years ago. My first one totally ruined me and hopes of finding someone better and greater (I always had doubts about relationships and how I wouldn't find anyone better or a person whom I would feel the genuine love and passion as well. I started going on dates with a lot of people, hoping to find someone I would fall in love and be with, who can support me, understand me, care about me, keep me motivated and whom I could grow with. Of course I never felt anything towards them like a connection or any excitement ect. (I wasn't choosing people who weren't good for me to begin with I just never could feel great in a relationship and actually have a connection no matter who I dated) Until 6 months ago I stopped looking for love and just waited. Suddenly I met this girl who is my current love right now. Our personalities easily matched and I just loved the way she is, actually caring towards me, trusts me with all her heart, shows curiosity in my interests, always glad to hear how my day was and always cares about my interest when I tell her and show her my interests and ect. Chemistry? Oh my god, I've never felt like this in my entire life, she is so beautiful in everyday, and I just love the way she looks at me and every time I glare at those eyes of hers I feel an instant connection. First girl I can comfortable kiss without feeling insecure a bit (I'm a very insecure person), first girl who actually shows affection towards me being the first to show it, and who actually enjoys my kisses and affection. I have not been this connected to someone in my entire life, everything she tells me about her and in general I take to my heart and care deeply about, and she just feel apart of me now. We both laugh together and have so much fun (her humor and behavior jives with mine and seems perfect for me), Its nearly impossible to be bored with this person, she will light your world up. We have a lot in common in our personalities, such as both lazy, loud as hell, random, crazy, odd. I can really be my true self with this person my true true self in which most people would leave me because. I really just cant believe shes in my life, shes so beautiful, treats me well, trusts me, so fun to be around, isn't sensitive about everything I do, the funniest girl I've ever met, sexual (not in a whorey way) Humor is male like, ect. There's a lot more to add but its so much. The relationship This is by far the best relationship I've ever had, there is absolutely no stress or resentfulness in it, we've never really argued at all, she fully trusts me and cares about me (helped me through some issues). She makes me want to be a better person and really wants me to succeed in my goals ect. Our communication is great, if we have disagreements we do not argue over them and understand our own beliefs without criticism and judgment. I could talk to this person about anything even the most weirdest stuff without both of us feeling insecure or disgusted. I can literally pick my nose in front of her and she will just laugh and call me disgusting (I'm alittle weird). There is pretty much nothing missing or wrong with my relationship, I'd tell you more but I get a little lazy when It comes to writing a thread about it. Well, I so see a future with this person and even envision us having a family ect. The Issue This issue has nothing to do with her, its all me... I have been getting weird feelings and I don't know why... There like nagging feelings and I can't tell what they are telling me, there is no message at all, they're just feelings and they are persistent, odd thing is IVE NEVER FELT THESE EVER IN MY LIFE, NEVER FELT THESE WITH THE OTHER PEOPLE I WAS DATING. I've been suffering with this for a few months and I don't know where they came from, and I just don't know what they're telling me. I have been over analyzing them and overthinking, catastophizng and everything and its caused me so much pain, and the thing is she's done nothing to cause these feelings, sure she has some flaws, but we are all flawed and I'm willing to except her for who she is because I love her so much. The these odd feelings make me not want to talk to her and avoid her and when I force myself to talk to her it doesnt feel right it feels weird, and sometimes unpleasant. I've been obsessing over if my relationship is wrong or something and its really been bringing me down.. There's literally nothing wrong with my relationship and I really do for the first time ever in my life see a future with this person and see us with a strong relationship and ect. But why these feelings? I'm not hiding anything or denying anything at all or hiding anything from myself... I know shes not hiding anything, or lying or cheating or ect. on what I've read about gut feelings... I am an extremely paranoid and anxious person when It comes with fining out whats wrong... I don't even know if these feelings are saying somethings wrong... After I found out that these could be gut feelings and stuff, and that they are here to protect us and ect. I've started nitpicking and obsessing over her flaws which start to make me feel fear of "she's not right for me" (I didn't started to nitpick after reading articles that say "your subconscious has picked up something about the person") I can't let go of this person because she means so much to me and has really done a lot for me, and has so many qualities I've been looking for in a girl (Almost all of them). I don't want to leave her because it will make me feel worse and suffer from more doubts and even regret from letting something good for me go. I am a pessimistic person and always look at the bad (self-esteem issues). But I really really love her and I just can't lose her because as I said I've grown to her so much and she's really the best thing that's happened to me and the first person I feel %100 sharing my true self with. Oh yes and I love how she accepts me for who I am I really do, I appreciate her for doing so because not a lot of people accept me for who I am. Have I done anything for her? Yes, I've supported her through her depression, and boy she is the strongest girl I've ever met and typing this makes me want to cry because she is just truly a brave, strong and powerful girl who has suffered a lot in the past couple of years after her mom cheated on her father leading her moms side of the family to talk down and abuse her emotionally and verbally especially when she use to be very close to them and a family committed person. Her friend and I have been there for her and really support her. She's been recovering quite well and I'm just very proud of her after she's been through so much pain and trauma. Please I need help I don't want to lose the best thing that has happened to me because I really really do see a future with this person. Oh yes these odd feelings do make me fear the relationship and things so maybe it isn't a gut feeling? If its saying that she isn't the right person for me I don't get it... I've never felt like this with anyone else so what the hell especially when she has everything I want and need plus the connection, chemistry and goals we have oh yes and I don't believe in soul mates or the one... This relationship is worth saving. Please help Thanks!
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