Validity Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 Hey So I'm (M19) dorming at college and I met a girl (F18). We've talked a little here and there over the course of the semester, and we eventually started talking more serious recently. I had her over my room during finals week and she slept over where we had sex a couple of times. The time spent with her was enjoyed, she shared many similar interests and values and I definitely have a attraction towards her and she expressed the same. She already left for winter break so we won't see each other until next month. We agreed we would talk over the break, and I would take her on a date once spring semester began. I'm just thinking to myself if this is even worth it. We had sex the first time we hung out, but I can't really judge her because I've done the same... She also broke up with her ex boyfriend of 1.5 yrs in October (2014) because he was too controlling and I just feel that's a little recent. I'm aware she also had a thing with another guy shortly after her break up ( maybe like 4 weeks afterwards) but left him because he stated he was verbally abusive. I'm just concerned that she still has feelings for her previous partners and that could interfere with a possible relationship. I do not want to be a rebound, and she does has photos of her ex on her instagram but some people don't care to remove old photos so I don't know how to feel about that... I have heard rumors that she was messing with another guy or guys before she broke up with her ex. This cause some concern for me, but today I heard a rumor that I hooked up with some girl on another floor...that I never did so what is the basis for rumors? I feel this is something I should ask her personally in a non-accusing way. What my issue is that, I don't know if she is ideal to even pursue feelings for. She does live far, and was in a long distance relationship with her bf before she dumped him. She states her two previous things were ended by her because the guys were controlling/abusive. I just don't want to get myself hurt or cheated on, something I'm still cautious about since my previous relationship ending in August where my gf cheated on me .... Perhaps I should just talk to her and see where things go and feel it out for myself? Any advice? A part of me tells me she's a sweet girl worth checking out, or perhaps she just "wants" a relationship and "chose" me to get over her previous relationship? Thank you for reading.
Bellaisa Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 First, if you have any concerns about her, like you said - you should ask her straight up and don't take what you hear as truth. Most of the time it isn't even close to the truth. Sounds like you are just scared of what will come. You have to let go of what you 'think' could happen, because in reality you have no idea what is going to happen. It could be a great relationship. It could be a relationship where you learn more about yourself and what you want in a woman. (Every bad or 'not great' relationship teaches you something.) You don't know. If you think she's a girl worth checking out, then just go into it without expectations. Allow it to unfold without over-thinking about things. Leave her baggage and your baggage in the past and move forward with a clean slate. And, express any concerns you have direct to her instead of stewing over them, because that's when your imagination goes wild. If you are unhappy with her or can't get over certain things, then leave the relationship alone and move forward without her. If you try to pursue a relationship with her while questioning, imagining, and worrying, you are not going to have any fun. Your choice.
d0nnivain Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 Why do you have to do anything at this point? Go home for break & talk to her when the next semester rolls around.
Assada Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 Youre already losing before anything happened. Its likeI stay home from school, and I say to myself, "Well there maybe a test at school, so I dont wanna go, but my friends may be having fun there, so maybe I wanna show up.I heard that they were showing movies at school, so maybe I should go, awwww, but I'm too tired to go to school." hahaha its so childish. Fact is, you dont know her yet. How about you get to know her before you jump in a relationship with her
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