Marieclaire Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 (edited) Please help me. Two months ago I had a fling with a work colleague. It was short-lived (a week) but intense. We talked a lot before it all started and I thought he cared about me. Before I knew it, we spent a week having near constant, passionate sex, unlike anything I have ever experienced before. In hindsight, the alarm bells were there. He wasn't interested in dating me. He didn't want to be seen out in public with me (blamed it on the risk of other colleagues bumping into us), and all our 'dates' were in his bedroom. When I suggested we did something else, such as dinner or drinks, he always had an excuse. I once cooked him a romantic candle-lit dinner at mine however. In the morning, he'd pretty much chuck me out before his housemates had a chance to see me, and would never offer me breakfast, as he tucked into his. He could also be quite rude to me at times, making jokes about how I have no friends, and a few jokey comments about my appearance (my skin). Yet for some reason, I kept going back for more. I guess I was blind to his real reasons for wanting to see me. I'd also just come out of a 4 year relationship which he was there through the demise of...not sure if that has any impact. I soon asked him 'was it just about the sex?' to which he told me it wasn't, he enjoys my company but wasn't sure how serious things were. I told him i'm not one for casual sex and don't just have sex for the sake of it... Conveniently though, after that conversation, he soon started to fob me off with excuses for not wanting to see me, and just attempted to disappear from my life without any explanation. I sent him a message, which he ignored. When we got drunk at the christmas party he finally explained his reasoning to me, in that he doesn't want a relationship at the moment, nor does he want casual sex. He wasn't apologetic or anything. In the end, he ended up just walking away from me. I guess I just feel so used and ditched by him and I can't get over it. I feel I have grown such an attachment to him after such a short period, not helped by the fact I work next to him every day. In work, he is very flirty with me, but still very mean (he calls me a whore as a joke). I am struggling because in my heart I believe he is a great catch - hes very attractive, and I thought we connected on an emotional level too. I am convinced he is a nice person. I can't seem to see his bad traits, or at least I can see them, but not believe them. Please help me. What should I do in this situation? Edited December 17, 2014 by Marieclaire
PegNosePete Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 I am convinced he is a nice person. I can't seem to see his bad traits, or at least I can see them, but not believe them. Huh? Almost everything else you wrote int his post, is his bad traits. In fact you didn't write anything positive about him at all, except he is attractive (do you judge people based on looks?). I suggest you read back through your own words. You've answered your own question. 1
Author Marieclaire Posted December 17, 2014 Author Posted December 17, 2014 Huh? Almost everything else you wrote int his post, is his bad traits. In fact you didn't write anything positive about him at all, except he is attractive (do you judge people based on looks?). I suggest you read back through your own words. You've answered your own question. I understand where you are coming from. However I feel we have connected on an emotional level....and he can be nice to me, though he was generally much nicer before we slept together. It's very weird, now sometimes he can be nice, other times horrible. When I was having a bad day once for example he asked me how I was and bought me a chocolate bar. He is very attractive, sure. Maybe the most attractive man I have ever been with in that way. I don't judge people on looks AT ALL, I just thought this guy had both looks and personality.
PegNosePete Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 I'm not sure what to tell you. I mean, you've given loads of reasons that he's no good. I can't really tell you anything that you haven't already written yourself above. Not much point me repeating what you've already written? You know he's bad news so you just need to let him go and move on.
LostInLosingLove Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 However I feel we have connected on an emotional level.... You mean on the level of where he makes you feel used and like crap about yourself? Or the level where he makes you so confused about things that you're torturing yourself wondering what to make of the whole situation? I honestly feel sorry for a lot of people who fall into this trap of "connecting on an emotional level" with someone(I'm not immune). People can/will say whatever they need in order to build a connection for/with us to feel comfortable. and he can be nice to me, though he was generally much nicer before we slept together. It's very weird, now sometimes he can be nice, other times horrible. It's not weird. He's playing with you as if you're sport, like catching a fish. You're already hooked. Let line out, reel in, let line out, reel in, repeat. He's being unpredictable to keep you wondering. Take PegNosePete's advice and re read everything you wrote. The answers are all there if you're willing to be honest to yourself.
Recommended Posts