DanTheMan1987 Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 Hi everyone, I'm Dan. Ok so this is my first time posting on one of these forums. I'll keep it brief because there is so much I can say. Would probably be better for people to ask me questions that they need to know in order to help out? Any help would be greatly appreciated! Here goes nothing... I've known this girl for almost two years and I liked her straight away, but was in a long term relationship at the time (7ish years). That relationship ended not long after I met this girl. This girl is 21 by the way, I am 27. I have never been able to tell whether I have a chance with her or not. We see each other all the time and I'm not sure if I'm in the 'friendzone' for lack of a better way to put it. I'll start with the latest meeting and I guess we can go from there.. We perform music together, which is how we met (story for another time). The other night I got a message at 8.30ish asking if I wanted to come around and practice. It's not uncommon for us to practice, and we have some gigs coming up to learn new material for. So I went to her house (she lives with friends) and when I got there she was doing a puzzle on her bed.. Which is where we always practice. We never actually practiced (we always stuff around and often don't really practice much). There quite a few sexual innuendos thrown around and we were even sort of play fighting at one stage.. I was too chicken to make a move (as usual).. I can never tell whether we are just really good friends and she's really comfortable around me or whether there is something there.. How can I tell if she is interested or not? I'm happy to answer any questions about all stuff in the past. There's a lot of relevant things (buying valentines day flowers, chats with her mum, etc) that I'm sure are important for you to help, but there's too much to write straight out. So ask away!! Please...
Diezel Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 Ask her out. Just ask her out for a drink or two, or even coffee.
Author DanTheMan1987 Posted December 17, 2014 Author Posted December 17, 2014 Thanks for the reply Diezel! What I'm worried about is if I ask her out, and she's not interested then will it become awkward between us.. Because we already spend a lot of time together, is it weird to ask her out for drinks when I will see her on the weekend for a gig?
Diezel Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 It'll only be awkward if you make it awkward. Are you that emotionally invested in her?
Author DanTheMan1987 Posted December 17, 2014 Author Posted December 17, 2014 I am pretty emotionally invested yes. Truth be told I get quite depressed about it at times. I guess she is very much my ideal partner (at least at this stage in my life it seems that way).
Diezel Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 You need to tone it down a bit. You're idealizing and putting her on a pedestal. In that case, it's going to be awkward. Because you aren't approaching it from a part of your life close to "neutral". You're already going 120 mph. I also realized she is 21. She's at a very different stage of her life than you are. So tread carefully, because you seem to already (yourself) set yourself up for some eventual disappointment. But at some point you need to make a move. I'd rather deal with rejection than regret and then the eventual phone call where she tells you about the new guy in her life... and it isn't you.
Author DanTheMan1987 Posted January 7, 2015 Author Posted January 7, 2015 Thanks for your help Diezel..So I just thought I'd update on this one and see if you/anyone can help... I ended up sending her a message asking her if she has time to catch up before christmas (I sent the message two days before xmas). She said: "I don't think so :/ I'm supposed to meet up with this guy tomorrow and look at a house on tuesday". I asked if it was a date and she said "yeah I guess?".. I was shattered as you can imagine, but joking around just said 'nah don't go'. She then said "haha shutup he's really nice"... So basically I think it's game over.. Just wanted to see if any of you could chime in here and give me your opinion.. I keep going back to the night she asked me to come around and practice (that I explained in my original post), and keep wondering if she was giving me a chance to make a move (maybe she was in the mood, and was hoping for me to pick up on that :/).. Perhaps I missed my final chance and she's given up now. If anyone could help that would be awesome.. As I said earlier if there are ANY questions you ave that might help you to help me, then please ask! Thanks all.
Danda Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 I don't think it's necessarily game over. I mean it could be, but.. She invited you to hang out with her, at her house, on her bed. "Practice" turned out to be an excuse because you guys didn't practice. She made sex jokes and play fought with you. DUDE. I think some guys would contemplate shaving 5 years of their life for green lights to always be that strong. So let's translate this: "I don't think so :/ I'm supposed to meet up with this guy tomorrow and look at a house on tuesday". I could probably squeeze you in but I really need this opportunity to tell you that I will be spending time with another guy tomorrow. Even though we're close friends I'm gonna keep this super vague. "yeah I guess?" No not technically but if you think it's a date that will work to my advantage. I do have some pride, I'm not gonna rape you on my bed. But maybe if you get a little jealous you will stop being a chicken ****. "haha shutup he's really nice" Phew you didn't question it or ask for details. But I don't want you to think you don't have a chance anymore. What is about the lamest compliment ever, yet still a positive thing.. "nice".. yes that'll work. He's very nice. 1
Noproblem Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 So you left your girlfriend whom you been with for 7 years just because you saw another girl that moved you... and she will mostly be your rebound girl anyway
Danda Posted January 7, 2015 Posted January 7, 2015 So you left your girlfriend whom you been with for 7 years just because you saw another girl that moved you... and she will mostly be your rebound girl anyway I think his LTR ended about two years ago? Ended shortly after he met this girl, and he has known this girl for two years, so that was my assumption. I think two years is a fair enough time to not be necessarily rebounding.
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