sgbtra Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 My partner of 4 months (officially), though we've been dating for about 9 months has phoned me up saying "oh guess what I've got a new job!" Well, naturally I'm happy for him, but what bothers me is I had absolutely no idea about this whole thing. I said to him how proud I was with him getting it - and he seems really really happy. I asked him where it was and he told me, and he is like "oh, you haven't got a good memory have you - I can't believe you forget, I applied two days ago". Well the truth is, he never ever told me at all. I had a look through my messages on that evening, and the night he applied for it he told me he was "journalling" all night. I feel hurt and upset first that I don't feel I was important enough to be told what he was doing, but second for being made feel like an idiot for not remembering. This is something he clearly DID NOT tell me. As a couple isn't it kind of expected you share this info with your partner? I want to bring this up with him and explain to him that he never actually told me, but the thing is he is so over the moon about this job I feel i'm just going to be seen as a jealous killjoy. Am I making a big deal out of nothing? I feel unimportant that he didn't share it with me. How should I bring it up to him?
Els Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 I'm confused, he phoned you to tell you he got the job, didn't he? So you're actually mad he didn't tell you he was applying for this job in particular? That sounds a bit like an overreaction, especially as you've only been together for 4 months. Surely you don't expect him to inform you of his every application, especially as at the time he was messaging you chances are he could actually have been journalling. I'd let this one go if it's an isolated incident.
Author sgbtra Posted December 17, 2014 Author Posted December 17, 2014 Sorry to clarify... He phoned me today and was like "remember how I told you i was sending my resume out earlier in the week"...the truth is he NEVER told me that. Thats why I was bewildered. We never had such a conversation. THEN he is trying to make me look like I'm forgetful. What a load of BS! Seriously. Am I pent up about nothing?
bathtub-row Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 (edited) It sounds odd to me. If this is a one-time thing and he has never done this before, then I would just mention to him that you don't recall him telling you anything except that he was journaling. Even if he doesn't elaborate, you made your point. If he does something like this again, or if he's usually sonewhat secretive with you, or denies reality, you may want to consider walking away from the relationship. To clarify, though, if he has mentioned to you that he was considering looking for a new job, then I don't think it's significant that he didn't mention applying. He may have applied at several places. It's the whole thing about changing jobs without mentioning it to you. If this job changes things about your relationship - like he will be further away or whatever, that's a different issue. You guys have been together long enough for him to share something like this. What's your relationship like with him, overall? Edited December 17, 2014 by bathtub-row
GemmaUK Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 It could be that 'journalling' might have been a predictive text typo. Maybe it was meant to say 'job hunting'. I'd ask him if that was it. Otherwise as BTR said, has he done this before? This kind of thing where someone makes out they have told you something but actually haven't can be a sign of controlling/abusive behaviour. 1
Author sgbtra Posted December 17, 2014 Author Posted December 17, 2014 Look, he is a little secretive and thats probably where my insecurity is really stemming from. Like 2 weeks ago he's like "oh, I've put my apartment on the market"...i'm like "I didn't even KNOW you had an apartment!" Other times I will call him and he doesnt answer but sends me a text saying he is "out with friends" I guess at the heart of this, I feel like I'm not really being a part of his life, yes he is telling me stuff....but I feel like that I always find out after the event or fact. Am I not important enough to find out beforehand? I'll admit, I have trust issues. Please tell me if I'm overreacting in this instance regarding his new job. I thought I was important enough to tell that he was applying for a new job.
Els Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 Look, he is a little secretive and thats probably where my insecurity is really stemming from. Like 2 weeks ago he's like "oh, I've put my apartment on the market"...i'm like "I didn't even KNOW you had an apartment!" Other times I will call him and he doesnt answer but sends me a text saying he is "out with friends" I guess at the heart of this, I feel like I'm not really being a part of his life, yes he is telling me stuff....but I feel like that I always find out after the event or fact. Am I not important enough to find out beforehand? I'll admit, I have trust issues. Please tell me if I'm overreacting in this instance regarding his new job. I thought I was important enough to tell that he was applying for a new job. Okay, I think there's a bigger issue at hand here - you feel like he isn't including you in his life and telling you things in general. That's a valid concern, and IMO you should focus on the big issue and communicate that to him, rather than making it just about the job application.
Diezel Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 I'd be upset if he hadn't told me he got a job at all. This isn't "Oh I told you I was going to hang out with the guys and you forgot." "Oh, we talked about me going to a strip club last week, remember?" It's a job. A new job that he just got. Can you just be happy for him? And in the meantime, file this information away in case it happens again.
Recommended Posts