ava10 Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 Let me start by saying that I had an extremely rough time with my ex-boyfriend. After reading my old posts, you could say I was prudish, but I would like to think I've changed. I had no trust for him after he lied about watching porn for a couple months. This ultimately led to our demise. Now, almost a year later, I have begun dating a new guy. He has been pining after me for about the past year, as we lived on the same hall in college last year. He is the sweetest thing I could ever imagine; he would do anything for me. We began dating almost a month ago, in November. Now, it is Christmas break. So, we will be apart for a month. My crazy jealous self has returned, as strong as it was during my last relationship. He has given me ZERO reason to not trust him. But, I have the worst insecurities that I cannot shake. I find myself extremely fat and ugly, and I see no reason why he would care about me. Because of this, I compare myself to all of his girl friends and past exes/hook-ups. I feel that any girl he talks to that is more attractive than me (which is most), he will hook up with and leave me. I have this awful fear that he is going to cheat on me. It is 2 days into Christmas break and I am driving myself insane. For example, I know he is drinking but I don't know who with. He could be doing God knows what with God knows who. I can actually feel myself going crazy and I cannot handle a relationship if I continue to be like this. I don't want to **** up something that has been so amazing for me. Please help me. I don't know how to not worry.
Toodaloo Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 Oh dear... Try yoga? Sounds a bit obsessive to me and I am not sure that this new relationship is going to last if you carry on... Perhaps it may be an idea to start thinking about seeking professional help on this one?
DivorcedDad123 Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 Your problem is control. You have no control over what he does and you're automatically assuming the worst case scenario. A month into the relationship and you don't really have a history to judge him with. A man that treats you like you say he does, is not going to jeopardize your relationship. Give him a little trust,but realize that you can't control the outcome. If he screws it up, there are more guys out there that won't. Relax and enjoy the relationship. Enjoy your time off for the holidays. Time apart may bring you both to find that you miss each other. Use this time to do some things you've been wanting to do. Do them by yourself or with friends. When you accept that you have no control over others,life is much easier. You just roll with the punches,pick yourself up, and keep going. Life is for living. I'd imagine that you two will still be in contact while you're apart,correct? 1
d0nnivain Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 Therapy. You need to address your self esteem issues. If you can't afford or don't want therapy read as many self help books as you can get your hands on about improving your self esteem. You need to figure out how to like yourself. The rest will fall into place. 3
acapelo_dp Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 I would suggest therapy as well, or counselling. Someone you can talk to about this, so that you don't take it out on your boyfriend. You have to remember he is with you for a reason and that if someone leaves, they are going to leave regardless if you are controlling there every move or not. So don't worry about it! Enjoy the relationship. As for feeling "fat and ugly" that's terrible! I bet you are beautiful. Why don't you start working out and get a gym membership? It would distract you and release endorphins to increase your self esteem and happiness. 1
Kadie Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 You shouldnt worry since he hasnt given you a reason to. Dont punish him for something you think he would do which he hasnt done. You need to keep yourself active during the break instead of sitting around worrying about what he is doing. Idle time contributes to worrying. Keep yourself active. Go out with friends and such. The issue is within not with him, try working on your self esteem and things would change. Remember you are beautiful!
Satu Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 Therapy. You need to address your self esteem issues. If you can't afford or don't want therapy read as many self help books as you can get your hands on about improving your self esteem. You need to figure out how to like yourself. The rest will fall into place. 100% good advice.
Recommended Posts