Author Omei Posted December 21, 2014 Author Posted December 21, 2014 Too many girls expect results too quick. Chice it a year, or minimum 3 months. tbh im not expecting results at all I very much doubt that a real connection is going to be made through the internet all of my previous relationships have sparked from being active within the same activity and grew naturally through months of friendship
guest569 Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 One thing you guys will never see me do here is whine or complain about guys not responding to me I merely accept that they prob don't find me attractive and move on, everyone should do that. It would make your online dating experience more enjoyable, I would like to add I date in public a lot before ever online im using online as just another outlet. I think a lot of people that get frustrated with online dating purely use online dating. Exactly, a lot of us women have been rejected or ignored too but we get on with it. I'm not going to get upset with these men and expect them to date me despite the fact they're not interested, and take it out on men on loveshack? I've ignored some men and some have ignored me. Get over it.
LookAtThisPOst Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 Exactly, a lot of us women have been rejected or ignored too but we get on with it. I'm not going to get upset with these men and expect them to date me despite the fact they're not interested, and take it out on men on loveshack? I've ignored some men and some have ignored me. Get over it. Why even have a "Dating" forum then??
Hopes Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 beards beards beard beards rarely do I like a man with a beard. Kissing hurts. That hurts. My beard is quite soft, thank you. Some men just look better with beards (like me!) and some women really like them. Plus, I hear it tickles when.... How is the OLD going now in the new year?
Erised Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 I tried online dating recently, too. Step one. Create profile around midnight. I went with OKC. I answered about 1000 questions instead of sleeping. I set up filters for match percentage. As far as I can tell, that was a good move. It filtered out about 35 messages the first day, and a spot check told me nothing in them had anything interesting to offer. They were poorly constructed compliments to my looks, one offer for sex, 'hey you're perfect' from people with whom I have little in common with and judging by their answers to questions, people with whom I would fight. I had about 20 messages that were not filtered within that first day, with about 20 being with an 85% match rating. I responded to every person with an 85% match rating or higher, mainly because each of these made it clear they read my profile and that they have similar interests. I'm not necessarily hung up on looks because my attraction is more to a person's brain. Messages kept coming in, and I felt very overwhelmed, so I let 5 people with whom a solid and entertaining conversation had already formed know the situation and gave them my IM chat and phone number and deactivated my profile. I've met two for coffee, both of which ended up being 3.5 hour nonstop conversations, which is nice because I'm typically shy until I get to know someone. Have had conversations going with one more. Two never messaged me after I deactivated. Perhaps they found it a red flag. It's really irrelevant because I hated feeling like center entree and if I miss out on meeting someone because I don't hang around the dating site past what is needed for enough introductions, than so be it. It was a little better than people approaching in person because I got to know more about them that would have made them poor matches before we started, and likewise for what they know about me, but it's concentrated. That is, I get approached walking around, but not at that rate. I've let those I've met know that I am in favor of getting to know each other slowly and not rushing into anything immediately. They seemed fine with this, which puts them at an advantage over several of those who I have met in person lately. Overall, I thought it was decent. Too overwhelming for me, but then I don't like too much attention or interaction all at once. It might not bother an extrovert.
Country_Girl Posted January 8, 2015 Posted January 8, 2015 This online thing isn't going to great lol I have yet to do a meetup and a lot of people seem to be of east indian decent not that I have anything against that but I don't like tying to understand what they type as someone who is like a nazi for making sense ( me )I don't think id get along. And men with lots of beards beards beard beards rarely do I like a man with a beard. Kissing hurts. Same here... I'm so tired of looking at beard pics. Especially the "frozen" snowboarding beard. I like 3 day old scruff, but cannot stand full on beards, I just don't find it attractive at all.
Author Omei Posted January 8, 2015 Author Posted January 8, 2015 Same here... I'm so tired of looking at beard pics. Especially the "frozen" snowboarding beard. I like 3 day old scruff, but cannot stand full on beards, I just don't find it attractive at all. I don't mind how they look with them I just dont rashing up my beautiful lips lol Still haven't met anyone for coffee or anything off OLD I get some good conversations and some "hey lets meet up" but not seen any actual efforts to follow through yet.
thecrucible Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 I've been doing online dating for a few years. I've not had any success with it. Most guys I meet and there's no mutual chemistry. My flirting game sucks as well as I'm a little reserved when I first meet a guy (I don't really want to throw myself at him as I'll come as too easy). At the same time, I'm more open-minded to certain guys. I'm also more keen to determine whether they are into the idea of a relationship a lot quicker. I need to be more quick about this. It's such a waste of time. *frustrated* :/ I went on a date last week and if I'm very honest, I didn't feel an attraction based on first impressions and I got more of a friend vibe from our conversation. He gave me a kiss on the cheek when we parted ways. We've tentatively made plans for the weekend. In my last text, I said I'd check train times and agreed to the date. Still haven't heard from him so I've lost enthusiasm...think I might just fade it out... I liked someone else's idea about texting with several guys and just meeting with the guy I like the best (as that might not go anywhere anyway) and then I have other guys I've gotten to know who I can then meet with. I think I will go through phases of hiding my profile so I can keep the focus narrow.
Author Omei Posted January 9, 2015 Author Posted January 9, 2015 (edited) Well I made my first date I talked to this guy for two days for numerous hours, hes good looking, he wants to save animals just like I do, He has three cats just like I do, etc etc you get the idea. He has offered to take me out to lunch.... I said sure I get paid next Fri we could go then, he said sooner and hes willing to pay...so okay.. he wanted to take me to a fancy pants place but I picked a place in the area that has the same type of food for a good sum less so he agreed. I am nervous as hell lol It's on Tuesday so I will update what happens PS there's been no creepy factor yet so thats good, I usually find something bothersome, like that last guy who kept trying to force his fancy idea this guys took my realistic view of something more affordable and agreed so I like that. Edited January 9, 2015 by Omei
Hopes Posted January 9, 2015 Posted January 9, 2015 oh man, if you guys hit it off, crazy cat people... six cats! Romantic litterbox cleaning! Do you really like to date people who are like your mirror in interests? Just out of curiosity? I mean, I like overlap, but that if they are just like me, I think I would get bored. Also, other than being good looking, what else does he offer? (I support girls choosing guys on looks, not bringing up that dialog again) Does he have a good job? Articulate? Did he send a thoughtful first message? No creep factor is great, I know I do not send that vibe. I just don't find girls who want to meet. They will send me back and forth a few messages, some are very detailed, etc. and then when I ask to meet, many go cold, many say they aren't ready yet, but then do not even respond to my next message.
Author Omei Posted January 9, 2015 Author Posted January 9, 2015 (edited) oh man, if you guys hit it off, crazy cat people... six cats! Romantic litterbox cleaning! Do you really like to date people who are like your mirror in interests? Just out of curiosity? I mean, I like overlap, but that if they are just like me, I think I would get bored. Also, other than being good looking, what else does he offer? (I support girls choosing guys on looks, not bringing up that dialog again) Does he have a good job? Articulate? Did he send a thoughtful first message? No creep factor is great, I know I do not send that vibe. I just don't find girls who want to meet. They will send me back and forth a few messages, some are very detailed, etc. and then when I ask to meet, many go cold, many say they aren't ready yet, but then do not even respond to my next message. He's got a job, and is going to veterinary school hes a cook in a resteraunt but honestly I wouldnt of cared what type of job he had because I support myself. I contacted him first I dont see myself getting bored with someone who has the same interests thats the point of connecting. We both have a love for our pets and the idea of making a difference with animals as a career thats how we hit it off in fact im a little envious because hes already in veterinary school and im not even close to that point yet I just have a dream hes making it reality. He's good looking from what I can tell his pictures were from a distant somewhat And he loves children and spoke of his neice and nephew often as hes close to them and doesn't have an issue that I have a daughter. So we will see how it gos Not getting excited or ahead of myself ill decide if I like him after the date but so far its good That msg thing back and forth with the cold factor after you ask to meet I find there are a lot of people that respond simply out of kindness out but have no interest. Edited January 9, 2015 by Omei
Author Omei Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) So we meet sooner, on Friday dinner was great but I didn't feel anything in person it was all nice till we meet then it all just kind of dwindled away for me. Hope perhaps you were right too much in common like a mirror image I wasn't tickled or interested in anything that was said it was like getting to know myself. Next guy.... A few other guys have asked me on dates I went out with another over this weekend for coffee, I was so attracted we exchanged a very long kiss at the end It was great right up until he pulled off and said "btw im not looking for a relationship or anything serious wanna go to your house?" So his entire profile was a total lie....even prior to meeting I asked if he was looking for a relationship a serious one he said yes so he totally lied, I responded with "Please don't contact me again" and he stood there speechless for like two whole mins and asked "are you sure?" I walked away wtf did he think would happen. And another guy ive been talking to on there for about a 5 days he asked to meet this afternoon I said sure but are you looking for a relationship he says yes but follows up with "Do you have any sex toys?" I may just delete my profiles I don't show any boobage and my profiles are mega clear on what im looking for but it seems men will flat out lie and fake their entire profiles right up till they meet you then try to seduce you (PS before anyone asks I did let go of my FWB to look for something real before I tried these dates) Edited January 12, 2015 by Omei
Hopes Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 I like to have overlap because we can share those things. I like them to have other interest because I like to learn about new things and discover things about them that I wouldn't already know. It interest me then. Also, abstract away specifics. I like a girl who is passionate, it can be about music, animals, etc, just as long as she is passionate. It doesn't have to be passionate about what I am passionate about. I really think the problem with OLD is that it is so unnatural. I hate it, I have a profile but haven't messaged any girls in months. I do much much better in person and you don't waste your time with all of these dates because you know before hand if you had a spark. You get sparks and then you go on a date. Not go on a date hoping for sparks like OLD. I know everyone has a story, but to this day, I know absolutely 0 people who found someone from OKC. I exude confidence even though I am chubby, great body language, make girls laugh and feel comfortable. None of this comes through on OLD. I have 0 problems asking girls out in person but a lot of men are afraid of this. I think in this day, it is okay for a girl to drop some obvious hints that she wants a date to try and get some of these more shy guys to ask in person. If you feel a spark, usually it is both ways. I wouldn't waste so much time with OLD. You miss out on real life situations. My 2 cents after a year of a profile and only meeting whack jobs who fall in love in one date, boring, or have a drinking problem.
BluEyeL Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 Indeed, dating online is not the natural way, in the sense that you have to meet a stranger and hope for sparks to come later, while in person you connect first over time, get the sparks and then you decide. However, it is a tool that can be used in addition to real life, and although is draining, frustrating and anxiety-inducing, if you develop your skills well, you can have success. I had similar, negative experiences, in the first 6 months of doing OLD. However, after gaining experience I learned how to recognize good guys even before I went out with them. I went out with less people but they were all good quality. Nobody asked for sex or made any inapropriate comments. It's to be expected that you're looking for a match to you and that's got to take some time. You can't be a match with everyone, you have to be patient. On the other hand, what I did was write down the characteristics of the man I was looking for and that helped me recognize him behind his shyness and the awkwardness of the first few dates. Yes, there wasn't a "spark" right when we met, that is not realistic to expect and it can just blind you to the real person in front of you. I was looking for character traits, not an instant spark. Almost 7 months later, I am very very much in love, and I am so happy and grateful I didn't give up online dating when I was frustrated and at my wit's end. I just hated OLD, but in the end, it was the way I met him. 1
Author Omei Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) I have a few friends that have met their significant other on OLD I have no issues asking men out ill walk right up to a guy and ask im using old as another outlet. I wouldnt say I was expecting sparks to fly, I wasn't looking for "sparks" its not the movies here. Im one of those people that are crazy logical and likes to point out logic to others expecting a sweep off my feet romance upon first meet isnt logical (prob what my friends find as my annoyance flaw) It takes me weeks to feel a deep connection. I learned some things about him I knew I couldn't live with forever in a future partner I want my next partner to try and be the one I marry so im not going to settle if I know something isnt going to work long term. One thing i'll say tho is he took my polite goodbye like a champ the guy was very respectful. One of the biggest reasons while he was good looking I learned upon meeting him that his teeth were entirely rotted to black and falling out he never mentioned this and I never thought of something like that being a reason why he didn't smile in his photos I feel bad because it must of took courage for him to go out but I was instantly no longer attracted from the very moment we met because of this I have no idea why they were like that, so that among a few other things but that was major for me im huge on dental care. What I seriously wasn't expecting on OLD was for men to have entirely filled out profiles about how they want deep meaningful relationships only to tell you in person that its a lie and they want a hook up. I have no clue what they expect from doing this because any woman who's going to stick to her moral isn't going to go "OH okay yeah sure we can hook up" when their not looking for that at all maybe it works sometimes but for them its really just a massive waste of time being so dishonest and more often then getting the hook up their gonna be told to go away. Edited January 12, 2015 by Omei
Hopes Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 I have a few friends that have met their significant other on OLD I have no issues asking men out ill walk right up to a guy and ask im using old as another outlet. I wouldnt say I was expecting sparks to fly, I wasn't looking for "sparks" its not the movies here. Im one of those people that are crazy logical and likes to point out logic to others expecting a sweep off my feet romance upon first meet isnt logical (prob what my friends find as my annoyance flaw) It takes me weeks to feel a deep connection. I learned some things about him I knew I couldn't live with forever in a future partner I want my next partner to try and be the one I marry so im not going to settle if I know something isnt going to work long term. One thing i'll say tho is he took my polite goodbye like a champ the guy was very respectful. One of the biggest reasons while he was good looking I learned upon meeting him that his teeth were entirely rotted to black and falling out he never mentioned this and I never thought of something like that being a reason why he didn't smile in his photos I feel bad because it must of took courage for him to go out but I was instantly no longer attracted from the very moment we met because of this I have no idea why they were like that, so that among a few other things but that was major for me im huge on dental care. What I seriously wasn't expecting on OLD was for men to have entirely filled out profiles about how they want deep meaningful relationships only to tell you in person that its a lie and they want a hook up. I have no clue what they expect from doing this because any woman who's going to stick to her moral isn't going to go "OH okay yeah sure we can hook up" when their not looking for that at all maybe it works sometimes but for them its really just a massive waste of time being so dishonest and more often then getting the hook up their gonna be told to go away. Probably because women write things like "I will only respond to messages that are longer than 'hey'", "Message me if you are nice and have a good sense of humor", "Message me if you are looking for a serious relationship" while what they mean is "message me if you're cute" and "we can be fwb if you're cute enough". The problem is that girls are also not honest in their profile. And likewise neither are men. It creates a very cynical dating experience for me and for others. 1
Author Omei Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) Probably because women write things like "I will only respond to messages that are longer than 'hey'", "Message me if you are nice and have a good sense of humor", "Message me if you are looking for a serious relationship" while what they mean is "message me if you're cute" and "we can be fwb if you're cute enough". The problem is that girls are also not honest in their profile. And likewise neither are men. It creates a very cynical dating experience for me and for others. I don't have any of those types of things written. Well I have "If you're looking for a serious relationship" but anyone who reads that as something else is kind of an idiot lol Im experiencing men with fully filled out profiles that took over an hour, are mega clear like mine in what they want they will even say "yes im looking for a serious relationship" while chatting but upon meeting come clean about it being a lie and suggest a hook up its happened twice. I have even stated before meeting there will be no encounter involved as im looking for something serious yet they continued with the lie all the way up till meeting then they have seriously said "Im actually not looking for a serious relationship" and i'll say "well you told me you were" And that's what im saying is shocking how far some of these guys are willing to try and fool a woman into sex. Total deception! I guess this is common on OLD? I really did figure the people who were looking for simple meet ups and hookups would state that I mean I have seen various profiles that say they are looking for something casual and I just politely decline but to make up an entire false profile and chase after woman looking for life partners makes zero sense and I don't understand it. Edited January 12, 2015 by Omei
Hopes Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 I don't have any of those types of things written. Well I have "If you're looking for a serious relationship" but anyone who reads that as something else is kind of an idiot lol Im experiencing men with fully filled out profiles that took over an hour, are mega clear like mine in what they want they will even say "yes im looking for a serious relationship" while chatting but upon meeting come clean about it being a lie and suggest a hook up its happened twice. I have even stated before meeting there will be no encounter involved as im looking for something serious yet they continued with the lie all the way up till meeting then they have seriously said "Im actually not looking for a serious relationship" and i'll say "well you told me you were" And that's what im saying is shocking how far some of these guys are willing to try and fool a woman into sex. Total deception! I guess this is common on OLD? I really did figure the people who were looking for simple meet ups and hookups would state that I mean I have seen various profiles that say they are looking for something casual and I just politely decline but to make up an entire false profile and chase after woman looking for life partners makes zero sense and I don't understand it. It is also possible that while they are looking for a relationship, they don't see that potential in you. So it could be them being more honest than you expect: Honest in what they are looking for as well as being honest in the potential they see with you. As a man, we pretty much put girls into three catagories. Women I will not have sex with, women I will have sex with, and women I will date. It is unfortunate, but true. While I am looking for a relationship, I am not opposed to banging a girl I have no interest in a long term commitment with. We have needs. 4
Andy_K Posted January 12, 2015 Posted January 12, 2015 It is also possible that while they are looking for a relationship, they don't see that potential in you. So it could be them being more honest than you expect: Honest in what they are looking for as well as being honest in the potential they see with you. As a man, we pretty much put girls into three catagories. Women I will not have sex with, women I will have sex with, and women I will date. It is unfortunate, but true. While I am looking for a relationship, I am not opposed to banging a girl I have no interest in a long term commitment with. We have needs. Very true. And as was also mentioned above, the opposite is true for women. In other words: If a guy says he's looking for a relationship but only wants sex with you, that doesn't mean his profile is false. It just means you didn't make the mark for 'serious dating' and this particular guy (as is the case with most guys) is perfectly willing to just have sex until he finds that someone special. If a girl says she's looking for a relationship, there's a good chance she will still sleep with a guy if she thinks he's hot enough. It doesn't mean her profile was false, just that she will break the rules for the right guy. Perhaps it means he falls into her 'super-hot' category instead of her 'dateable' one. 2
Author Omei Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) I guess if thats how men think? Then they suck not all men are that way im sure. I do not think that way at all if im looking for a relationship im not having sex with other men, period. So for men to assume im going to have sex with them when im looking for a relationship to me is a total joke. I wouldnt care how hot the guy was if im looking for a relationship im quite serious about it and wont be sleeping around while I date, my morals tell me thats inappropriate. Maybe thats why the guy stared at me for litterly two mins in silence he actually thought id throw away what I was looking for to have random sex. I wouldnt wanna date anyone who was sleeping around till they decided I was right for them. Edited January 12, 2015 by Omei
Author Omei Posted January 12, 2015 Author Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) If a girl says she's looking for a relationship, there's a good chance she will still sleep with a guy if she thinks he's hot enough. It doesn't mean her profile was false, just that she will break the rules for the right guy. Perhaps it means he falls into her 'super-hot' category instead of her 'dateable' one. To me that totally defeats the purpose of looking for a relationship if I was to just sleep with a guy simply because he was mega hot (and this guy was) why bother looking for something meaningful at all if im just gonna place myself in the **** me and leave category All of my past relationships were built I never had to worry if they were having sex with someone right up until we decided to give it a shot if they were looking they were serious about it. If this is how online men act they will sleep with woman right up till the moment they decide to be with someone I dont know if online dating is for me as I dont see men who do that interested in any serious commitment into finding someone. I like to think most people who want to enter in serious relationships do it with clean slates. Edited January 12, 2015 by Omei 1
thecrucible Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 If this is how online men act they will sleep with woman right up till the moment they decide to be with someone I dont know if online dating is for me as I dont see men who do that interested in any serious commitment into finding someone. I totally share your frustrations. At least you were able to filter them out quickly. I sometimes wonder the same thing - whether I'm really cut out for online dating. I either meet guys who claim they want a relationship but then try to get me into bed, or they simply want female company, or they 'hum' and 'haw' about whether they like me and keep me as a texting buddy. I don't necessarily see it as like they have to be 100% sure they are in it for the long term to sleep with me, but I have to feel that they feel there's potential and progress it, rather than trying to sidestep the getting-to-know-you stage or treating the sex as 'getting to know you' haha. I hope you get some success soon. I like reading your stories. At least you can draw a line under those guys. What online dating sites do you use?
BluEyeL Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 In my OLD days I noticed that the way I wrote my profile made a pretty big difference. The profile I wrote beginning of 2013 was pretty generic too, my pictures always decent. But I attracted relatively crappy men and I did attract men who wanted sex or wanted to catfish me, garden variety of losers. Once I changed the text, in Fall of 2013, I started to attract ONLY men who did not come out and ask for sex. I don't know why. A friend was asking me "where do you find all these guys who don't want to jump you at the first few dates?". I really don't know. Also in between Jan and Oct of 2013, my confidence increased tremenuously. I don't think anyone dared to behave inappropriately due to the way I was carrying myself. I.e. like I was hot sh*t. In Jan of 2013 I looked scared and unsure of myself and that's when I got the crappier guys. So try tweaking your profile some, see if it makes any difference. Don't say "looking for a relationship". Say something about the type of man you're looking for and the type of relationship you're looking for, in a more "literary way" (hoping to find a partner in crime to share every joy that comes in our lives...something cheesy like that lol). That implies you want a relationship. Don't say: I don't date x type or y type . don't contact me if... Don't say that stuff. Just talk about how you are and how is your dream man and your relationship. They'll figure it out. And it's ok to repel some of them. And oh, no, OKC didn't work for me, just got the sex looking guys there. I only used it for 3 days.
Author Omei Posted January 13, 2015 Author Posted January 13, 2015 (edited) As of right now I cant think of how to improve it, it might come to me later ive already described much about my dreams, wants, desires in a man my profile is quite long more than most ive noticed its about four paragraphs. For now im using okc and pof because they're free I do not ever plan to upgrade. I spent three hours talking to a man that responded today our conversation was very long and in depth very intellectual he is a operator for the air force eventually I got sick of typing and said id talk to him tomorrow lol he expressed fear in that im a single mom but would like to continue talking and see how it gos I said sure Edited January 13, 2015 by Omei
BluEyeL Posted January 13, 2015 Posted January 13, 2015 As of right now I cant think of how to improve it, it might come to me later ive already described much about my dreams, wants, desires in a man my profile is quite long more than most ive noticed its about four paragraphs. For now im using okc and pof because they're free I do not ever plan to upgrade. I spent three hours talking to a man that responded today our conversation was very long and in depth very intellectual he is a operator for the air force eventually I got sick of typing and said id talk to him tomorrow lol he expressed fear in that im a single mom but would like to continue talking and see how it gos I said sure Also, patience is very important, and letting go quickly of duds. The figure I heard from more than one person was about meeting 30 men before they found a serious boyfriend, and anywhere between 1 and 3 years. I also met about 30 men myself before I met my boyfriend. What I used to say was: every no brings me closer to the yes. Statistically, if you keep at it, it's absolutely bound to happen. But the way you approach it can make it take longer, generally if you don't let go of bad prospects soon enough and/or stop looking too early.
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