Diezel Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 Anyone who expects me to start giving false hopes to a guy I don't find attractive is a total retard. I think you should use this as your PoF tagline. 5
JuneJulySeptember Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 I have done this. I have given chances to men that were lets say in a different category than me in terms of looks. It never worked. The man is well aware he's aiming above his league and he's filled with insecurities. These men kept telling things like 'you must get a lot of attention', 'you did not answer my call were you out on a date', keep asking what's my type of man, etc etc. Unpleasant. Very unpleasant. Beauty is relative. What I find attractive may be below average for another woman. We should go after what we find attractive, period. My daughter loves tall skinny long hair type of man, I would not touch one with a 6' pole. None of my friends would go for the type of man I go for even if I find my type of men dead gorgeous. I understand. I do. Just sucks for those guys who can't attract anybody they are attracted to or even worse can't attract anybody. What else is left to say? It's one of those things about the world that just is what it is.
Author Omei Posted December 17, 2014 Author Posted December 17, 2014 You know what also gets me the msg thing I think about talking to people in a realistic way if I get "hey" from someone I find attractive im not going to go uhhhh ewwww noooo skip! he didn't come up with a long thoughtful msg so hes no good overall. Really? You have no idea who you're talking too you don't know if it was hard for them to even muster up the "hey" or maybe he doesn't even know what to say at all or maybe he doesn't care about mustering up a long thoughtful msg to someone on the internet that may or may not respond which I myself prob wouldn't care about doing. Its nice when people write out long thought msgs but is it really necessary? That "hey" turned into a three hour conversation you know whats funny about that after the first initial 20 mins I finally went to his profile and one of the first things said was "im terrible at talking about myself" and he really was. Today I just got a msg from a guy I remember talking too when I tried online dating for 3 days months ago he commented on a picture I drew I put up a picture of my art that I also put up last time he said the very same thing as last time I don't think he remembers me but I remember him just talked about sex I didn't respond. And many picture less profiles to which I also didn't respond. Would it be weird to somehow put into my profile that any sex talk prior to getting to know each other is a huge turn off for me? I love sex I do but when a guy brings it up on 1,2,3 date I get really annoyed, just because I feel like they may be looking for that and if they are not then I just feel like they don't know how to talk to a woman I don't know sex talk before even dating Creeps Me Out 1
GemmaUK Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 I'll explain. You aren't expected to date guys you don't find attractive, but you are expected to not ignore guys who are 'attractive enough to date' but not stunning in favour of 'hot' guys who are less interested and put in less effort, and then when those go nowhere, turn round and complain about the quality of men online as most women do. That is what I do. I don't take those who look stunning/hot seriously - but they're very rare anyway and are either clearly a scammer or send an unpleasant first mail. You get 15-20 messages a day. How many of those are attractive enough to date? Around one every 3-6 months. Most who contact me on OLD are 15-20 years older than me so in their 60's. IRL I attract men in their early 30's. How many of those who are attractive enough to date get dropped or ignored because you feel you have much better options available, even though you might well have dated them if you weren't talking to anyone else? I don't drop or ignore unless the conversation turns odd. nasty or crude. This is a generalisation, but guys tend to have a fixed standard of what they find attractive, regardless of whether they're online or offline, and regardless of what's available. Women tend to adjust their standards according to what's available. Since online has a huge number of undateable hot guys who send lots of messages around, women's standards (for looks) can often get artificially inflated far beyond what they would normally be. Essentially, guys get upset because girls who they would be able to chat with and date offline will ignore them online. I haven't yet met anyone from OLD who was hot/stunning but if a guy seems OK he doesn't need to be perfect, no one is perfect after all. 1
Author Omei Posted December 17, 2014 Author Posted December 17, 2014 (edited) One thing you guys will never see me do here is whine or complain about guys not responding to me I merely accept that they prob don't find me attractive and move on, everyone should do that. It would make your online dating experience more enjoyable, I would like to add I date in public a lot before ever online im using online as just another outlet. I think a lot of people that get frustrated with online dating purely use online dating. Edited December 17, 2014 by Omei 3
nofeelings22 Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 Welcome to the world of online dating. The ladies will respond to the best looking pics and ignore the rest. Unless you have success on there right away, OLD should be avoided. Well I tend to want to have sex soon as I feel cared about, don't confuse that with me caring deeply for them, that could be on date 4 or who knows maybe a month later its hard to say I don't have like a deadline. All I know is that if I man so much as even talks about sex prior to hanging out a few times I get hugely annoyed and turned off, a guy may be different from the rest but if he bring up sex too soon I tend to write them off as just like the rest. No, this is normal. 99% of all women feel the same about the timing of sex. Amazing thread! Thanks for posting it. It is rare to see this from the female point of view, as I realized last week in Miami when one of the girls I was sharing my hotel room with (frirend), started video snap chatting with a doctor she met in ny. I'm In right there, able to see this dude laying in bed, flirting as hard as he could with her. He's acting all cute, etc... I have never in my life witnessed this and was all smiles the whole time. Trying not to laugh out loud and blow it for her. It was utterly fascinating, just like this thread. Do you mind if I steal your idea and share my experience doing the same? I'm going to Urban outfitters and H&M for some new clothes, maybe a new pair of Prada loafers, some jeans. Will take some new pictures and chronical my experience. I've tried these sites, but never found a physically attractive woman to write to. I love this thread and can't wait to contribute one of my own. Great idea! 2
Author Omei Posted December 17, 2014 Author Posted December 17, 2014 Do you mind if I steal your idea and share my experience doing the same? Go for it (ten characters)
Author Omei Posted December 17, 2014 Author Posted December 17, 2014 Today I messaged a guy who I don't know if I find him attractive or not hes not ugly but what he did have was this amazing picture of him in a tight shirt a speedo and wearing knee pads and boots with the caption "Don't like this one either?? Good..don't care" And I thought it was hilarious enough to want to talk to him. And this is the first guy ive send a msg outward too since starting so maybe he will respond eh?
Author Omei Posted December 17, 2014 Author Posted December 17, 2014 (edited) omg lol vanished! Edited December 17, 2014 by Omei
Author Omei Posted December 17, 2014 Author Posted December 17, 2014 Interesting Looool How did you do that
EveAFlame Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 He just quoted you then edited the text within the quote.
Author Omei Posted December 17, 2014 Author Posted December 17, 2014 He just quoted you then edited the text within the quote. But I never said that lol that's why I wanna know how he got the quote
EveAFlame Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 But I never said that lol that's why I wanna know how he got the quote He hit quote then changed your words within the brackets. Then it appears that it is what you said. Watch. I enjoy dressing up as Cinderella and stealing shopping carts. 3
mysteryscape Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 That is what I do. I don't take those who look stunning/hot seriously - but they're very rare anyway and are either clearly a scammer or send an unpleasant first mail. Around one every 3-6 months. Most who contact me on OLD are 15-20 years older than me so in their 60's. IRL I attract men in their early 30's. What does "hot/stunner" mean to you? I actually don't find "hot" women all that attractive. I certainly find gradations of visual attractiveness and a few, very few women are actually beautiful. I don't know if this makes them better prospects in the long run or even the medium run. You really only find one every 3-6 months who is physically attractive enough to date? Or do you mean other attributes as well. Personally, I can go online and find plenty of women who are physically attractive enough in oh, an hour. When I was in college, about 1 in 3 girls was attractive enough for me. Beyond that, it was what counts that counted -- their real, personal qualities.
FitChick Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 I was on pof 3 years, met close to 150 men over those 3 years, and I am still single. I have heard it all, and seen it all, I even was kidnapped for an hour and taken on a ride to nowhere. You need to get your own reality show.
Author Omei Posted December 17, 2014 Author Posted December 17, 2014 (edited) I went to the doc's today and found out I have pneumonia from x-ray it sucks The guy with the funny picture did talk to me we had short little conversation about humor it was nice but then no replies again after a time. I am learning that a lot of people talk to you out of kindness and not particularly out of interest, I am not sure if I should do that too I feel like it would offer false hopes or something. I don't get false hopes when someone talks to me and when they stop it doesn't bother me either but im not sure if all people think like that. I am not particularly pleased with my pictures I put some more up kind of expressing how artistic I can be but a lot of my pictures are self taken I don't feel like they hold any adventure as other peoples where some person is standing on a bad ass mountain or something lol my life is pretty home like as a single mom. I also have been trying to come up with that catch line that shows up with your picture all I have right now is "Trying to think of something witty stand by" because I have no idea what to put yet Edited December 17, 2014 by Omei
somedude81 Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 I really appreciate the honesty here. One thing all guys should realize is that what you say in your initial message really doesn't matter. If a woman doesn't think that you are attractive, it doesn't matter how thoughtful or witty your first message was. She won't respond. 1
Author Omei Posted December 17, 2014 Author Posted December 17, 2014 I really appreciate the honesty here. One thing all guys should realize is that what you say in your initial message really doesn't matter. If a woman doesn't think that you are attractive, it doesn't matter how thoughtful or witty your first message was. She won't respond. Prob not, that prob go's for men as well, but that doesn't mean there are not other ways to draw in woman the person I last talked to I couldn't get a clear view of his face at all but I still msg'd him because he made me laugh. Woman LOVE men who make them laugh I decided to sign up for OKcupid too since POF seems to rotate the same 40 or so profiles maybe that is because I am listed for a serious long term relationship? I am slowly adding things to my interests as they come to me to widen the range.
elaine567 Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 Woman LOVE men who make them laugh This ^^^^^
losangelena Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 I really appreciate the honesty here. One thing all guys should realize is that what you say in your initial message really doesn't matter. If a woman doesn't think that you are attractive, it doesn't matter how thoughtful or witty your first message was. She won't respond. I would not say this is true across the board, actually. A guy's initial message does carry quite a bit of weight (for me, anyway). In fact, an interesting/funny/well-written message can override a lack of initial attraction. After all, photos can be misleading; sometimes they're old or inaccurate. Conversely, if a guy I do find attractive leads simply with "hey," or "what's up?," I tend to tread lightly, because to me that signifies a lack of effort or a guy looking for an easy lay. My current bf, who I met on OKC, sent a thoughtful initial message (he picked up on something in my profile), which I found more compelling than his photos. In person, he's better looking than his photos suggested. Anyway. "Attractive" in this situation means "attractive to me," not "he's a 10."
losangelena Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 I decided to sign up for OKcupid too since POF seems to rotate the same 40 or so profiles maybe that is because I am listed for a serious long term relationship? I am slowly adding things to my interests as they come to me to widen the range. Oh yes. I tinkered with my profile til the bitter end. It was interesting to see the variety of responses to the changes I made—different primary photo, longer or shorter text, greater or fewer details, etc. It takes a while to figure out how to best present yourself, how to strike a balance between ernest and engaging. 1
somedude81 Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 Prob not, that prob go's for men as well, Of course. But on average men send a hell of a lot more messages to women then vice versa. Men are far less likely to get a reply from a woman as well. but that doesn't mean there are not other ways to draw in woman the person I last talked to I couldn't get a clear view of his face at all but I still msg'd him because he made me laugh. Woman LOVE men who make them laugh That's surprising. His message to you was so funny that you didn't care if you couldn't see his face. Did you have any idea if he was good looking from what you could see?
Author Omei Posted December 17, 2014 Author Posted December 17, 2014 (edited) Of course. But on average men send a hell of a lot more messages to women then vice versa. Men are far less likely to get a reply from a woman as well. That's surprising. His message to you was so funny that you didn't care if you couldn't see his face. Did you have any idea if he was good looking from what you could see? No he didn't msg me at all I msg'd him because of the funny photo But our convo ended after a few exchanges so I assume he didn't find me attractive or interesting. And his face was okay I couldn't make out all the details but he seemed okay looking all his photo's were from a distance. I notice a lot of men either put close ups that are very fuzzy (as if they don't realize) Or pictures from very far. But there are plenty of profiles with quality pictures only some men do those Edited December 17, 2014 by Omei
Thegreatestthing Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 Yes it's completely true,I'm always suprised by the guys I reply to,I had this one guy who wouldn't stop emailing me he was really handsome (well alot of women I imagine would have thought so) but he just wasn't my type. I remember going crazy for this one guy on OLD I think many women would have rated him a 5 or something,to me he was just out of this world something about his gaze or face,just Arggh I still think of his face. I have done this. I have given chances to men that were lets say in a different category than me in terms of looks. It never worked. The man is well aware he's aiming above his league and he's filled with insecurities. These men kept telling things like 'you must get a lot of attention', 'you did not answer my call were you out on a date', keep asking what's my type of man, etc etc. Unpleasant. Very unpleasant. Beauty is relative. What I find attractive may be below average for another woman. We should go after what we find attractive, period. My daughter loves tall skinny long hair type of man, I would not touch one with a 6' pole. None of my friends would go for the type of man I go for even if I find my type of men dead gorgeous.
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