Online dating journal, a womans journey

[ascendotum]

To me that totally defeats the purpose of looking for a relationship if I was to just sleep with a guy simply because he was mega hot (and this guy was) why bother looking for something meaningful at all if im just gonna place myself in the **** me and leave category

 

What AK wrote is correct for many men and women on OLD. If the right person responded to them/contacted them they'd pull out all the stops to make a good impression.

 

It does not defeat the purpose of looking for a relationship. You can still do both concurrently. Its multi dating except you happen to be sleeping with one. What will happen for a lot of women I'm sure who are not finding their ideal guy on OLD, is that they will take a little time out to boost their spirits and a have fling with one the hotter guys on the site. It wont necessarily be a P an D type thing but a fling/fwb situation. They go in with eyes open or at least open to taking a chance. I expect many guys are a bit smoother when transitioning things to 'not looking for anything too serious at the moment' than the couple of guys you mentioned on here. Players I know plus a few guys on here have had hookups with women only looking for a long term relationship.

[BluEyeL]

Most guys do think this way. Most women will go along with it too, especially if the guy is better looking than she is. This is why there are so many women complaining about men "using" them for sex.

I've never had any man "use me" for sex, but I used one or two. Yeah, the ones that get used got to be hot.

[Omei]

Sorry but ill never see sleeping with someone while dating as the thing to do guess im old school.

 

Im all down with Fwb and casual sex and all that but not while im looking for a serious connection with someone.

 

Kinda gross I wouldnt be with a guy if I found out he was sleeping with another girl while trying to court me into a relationship.

Edited January 13, 2015 by Omei

[Andy_K]

To me that totally defeats the purpose of looking for a relationship if I was to just sleep with a guy simply because he was mega hot (and this guy was) why bother looking for something meaningful at all if im just gonna place myself in the **** me and leave category

 

I was as surprised as anyone can be to discover that girls did this, but sure enough on more than one occasion I found myself propositioned for sex by someone who emphasised on their profile they were absolutely not looking for a fling or weren't that kind of person. Whilst lying in bed they would even tell me about the dates they had lately and guys they'd rebuffed for trying it on too soon.

 

I'm not going to try to put a number on what percentage will do this, but they're definitely out there and there are more of them than you would expect.

[BluEyeL]

Both men and women do this, and what's good for the gander is good for the goose too. The reason is that they think it's going to take time,maybe years, to find a serious relationship but they don't want to go with no sex for so long.

[shet]

I'd agree with Andy, most of the promiscuous (or certainly promiscuous behaving) women I've known have been exactly the ones repeatedly insisting they're shy, quiet good girls, even while you're in bed. "I don't normally do this". Yeah right. They'll also be the ones that get outraged when you reject their advances.

[Omei]

I'd agree with Andy, most of the promiscuous (or certainly promiscuous behaving) women I've known have been exactly the ones repeatedly insisting they're shy, quiet good girls, even while you're in bed. "I don't normally do this". Yeah right. They'll also be the ones that get outraged when you reject their advances.

 

I don't think ive ever been outraged when someones rejected my advances as a woman, maybe disappointed but by the end of the day im okay.

 

So my last date was last Friday the one that didn't work out? we said our goodbyes and since then I have been talking to a new 25 year old man who messaged me first on okc we got into talking and it lasted 4 hours, over the past week I have been chatting with him constantly and him back, he says he likes talking to me so much that a few times he's stayed up passed 11 pm to speak to me even tho his job starts at 5am! so he must get up at like four am, he has two jobs, and ive kind not spoken much to others since or been on the site I just don't want to juggle people.

 

Anyway he speaks to me though the day as well, last night I asked him what he was looking for because we had such a great time talking I forgot to even check, hes looking for serious long term like me and has very realistic way of going about it he said the things he would like to find in a partner and doesn't want exclusivity until hes sure that she is right to give it a honest attempt at something, He was very clear and doesn't want to rush but is very excited to meet me and so we made a date for tonight, Sat and I actually got butterflies a little our talking is great not to mention he looks like he could be related to Charlie Hunnam from Son's of Anarchy and that a little bit makes me feel out of my league as I know he could get someone way more attractive than I but im going to ignore that he took interest and he planned where to go on the date (never had a guy do that plan it) so hopefully in person our conversations are as interesting as they have been though text.

Edited January 17, 2015 by Omei

[Omei]

Well the date went so great the place he took me to was really romantic and then we spent the entire weekend going to places together and cuddling

 

I still have butterflies

 

He wants to see me again next weekend

 

Met on okc don't really have anything else to say cept I hope for the best right now we seem to really dig each other

Edited January 19, 2015 by Omei

[WonderKid]

Its the shy women you gotta watch out for lol that's what I learned O.o

[GemmaUK]

Glad you had a good date!

 

 

Just one thing to say about men who try the jump in the sack thing - they try it because they often get a result from it.

Many women will and do so you can't blame them for trying.

I have known a fair few women on OLD and outside of it who think having sex will bond the guy to them somehow.

 

 

My own view is that I don't want to be with a man who behaves that way or thinks it is OK with me from the get go or once I have told him I am not interested (which is usually when they ask for sex..as a consolation prize or something?).

[Omei]

As of right now I have my profiles disabled on okc and pof

 

I do not feel like juggling other men while being this interested

 

He was very sweet he didn't go into sex or nothing but said he thinks about me during his day.

 

I know I didn't have to disable my accounts because we're not exclusive he seems very serious about a date again, (we went to many places over the weekend so it was really a series of dates) and for the amount we talk I wouldn't feel okay making other dates when I know I wouldn't be as interested as I am now so im going to see how this gos first before continuing with online dating.

 

If I went on another date right now with someone else it would feel like chore

 

 

But I am keeping my head clear that there's still possibility in a week or so he may find I am not what he wants so im not letting myself go fast wish me good luck ;p

Edited January 19, 2015 by Omei

[Omei]

The texting over the last two days has become so much less, he works two jobs and has little free time during weekdays so I am just accepting this factor that he has little time to respond he always responds eventually.

 

Last night I asked if we were still on for tomorrow he said yes but like five hours after I asked.

 

I dont really want to analyze anything on texts as im not a huge texter myself but everyone else I come across has always blown up my phone perhaps hes not a big texter big as well.

 

I guess im a tad worried hes losing interest since our time spent together was filled with much conversation and not so much now. His replies are thought out and meaningful tho.

 

Maybe im getting a little paranoid because I actually like this guy?

 

I'll come back and write an update if we meet up this weekend.

Edited January 23, 2015 by Omei

[Diezel]

There are horrible texters, like myself.

 

I've been the guy who can text back after 1 minute but also after 5 hours. When I'm at work, I'm working and the phone can be a distraction. Maybe he is the same way.

 

I wouldn't be paranoid. There were times before texting and the romantic world got along just fine.

[SawtoothMars]

Men don't date woman they find unattractive, actually in my experience not only will they not date woman they don't find hot they take it to the next level and often scoff or make fun about what they find unattractive with their friends.

We could go back and forth on this matter all day the fact is BOTH men and woman find looks important as they should if they want a intimate partner anyone who can't see this clearly is somewhat in a sense of denial unable to accept they may not be attractive to every person.

 

This truth must also be balanced with the fact that men find 70-80% of the female population attractive, while women are only physically attracted to 10-20% of men. Also men find a wider variety of face shapes and body types attractive. Never met a female chubby chaser.... and I likely never will.

[Omei]

There are horrible texters, like myself.

 

I've been the guy who can text back after 1 minute but also after 5 hours. When I'm at work, I'm working and the phone can be a distraction. Maybe he is the same way.

 

I wouldn't be paranoid. There were times before texting and the romantic world got along just fine.

 

I agree I am being paranoid but after that five hour reply last night and not hearing from him all day today im going to start preparing myself for the thought of him flaking out tomorrow just so im not caught in surprise.

[Otter2569]

Iv'e had great luck on POF and met my current GF on there (8+ months and counting). I was warned not to try Match and the other pay sites from several prior users (good friends and ex GF). They said results were terrible and that most are on POF also so you are getting many of the same people.

 

During a dry spell I joined a pay site and it completely sucked. I met only one person after a few months and then cancelled my subscription - early.

 

You just have to be patient and screen accordingly. There are a lot of good people on POF but just like in real life, you need to use good judgement and occasionally take a chance.

[Omei]

Iv'e had great luck on POF and met my current GF on there (8+ months and counting). I was warned not to try Match and the other pay sites from several prior users (good friends and ex GF). They said results were terrible and that most are on POF also so you are getting many of the same people.

 

During a dry spell I joined a pay site and it completely sucked. I met only one person after a few months and then cancelled my subscription - early.

 

You just have to be patient and screen accordingly. There are a lot of good people on POF but just like in real life, you need to use good judgement and occasionally take a chance.

 

Im currently no longer on any dating sites atm.

[thecrucible]

I don't know if I'm really cut out for online dating. I feel really rude about it. :/ I feel busy in my daily life and I find it hard to reply to messages and texts in a timely manner. It just feels so forced.

 

 

Oh gosh I am such a flake at this. I'm going on a date on Sunday but I took almost two days to reply to his last text. I'm sort of thinking the date will be fun 'cause it'll give me a day out of the house though; plus he was all right to talk to. So I'll see what happens on Sunday

[thecrucible]

I agree I am being paranoid but after that five hour reply last night and not hearing from him all day today im going to start preparing myself for the thought of him flaking out tomorrow just so im not caught in surprise.

 

 

I hope you hear good news *fingers crossed*

 

 

If not, at least you've put your best foot forward.

[Omei]

I don't know if I'm really cut out for online dating. I feel really rude about it. :/ I feel busy in my daily life and I find it hard to reply to messages and texts in a timely manner. It just feels so forced.

 

 

Oh gosh I am such a flake at this. I'm going on a date on Sunday but I took almost two days to reply to his last text. I'm sort of thinking the date will be fun 'cause it'll give me a day out of the house though; plus he was all right to talk to. So I'll see what happens on Sunday

 

I think after two days by now hes feeling you're no longer interested, as I am with mine since he doesn't seem into talking as he once was, if replying to him feels forced maybe you truly are not interested?

 

Your reason to go out with him is to get out of the house lol

[thecrucible]

I think after two days by now hes feeling you're no longer interested, as I am with mine since he doesn't seem into talking as he once was, if replying to him feels forced maybe you truly are not interested?

 

Your reason to go out with him is to get out of the house lol

 

 

It's not quite like that. I did enjoy his company - I just couldn't work out whether we are more friends or something else. Conversation was a bit stilted but I didn't know if that was first date nerves. Because he's only a stranger to me still, it's hard for me to consider things. I want to give it more time but I don't want to waste his time either. That's why find it hard - I'm usually figuring it out slower than the guy is.

[Omei]

It's not quite like that. I did enjoy his company - I just couldn't work out whether we are more friends or something else. Conversation was a bit stilted but I didn't know if that was first date nerves. Because he's only a stranger to me still, it's hard for me to consider things. I want to give it more time but I don't want to waste his time either. That's why find it hard - I'm usually figuring it out slower than the guy is.

 

I found the dates I went on if I felt like that I wasn't interested and found myself trying to come up with reasons why I should go onward.....but the guy im trying to talk to now I felt very interested like there was no question and I didnt need to think of reasons to go onward.

 

But idk how much longer its gonna last he finally did a short quick response today but nothing more again I think hes losing interest in me

 

Im not spam texting or nothing he just doesn't seem interested in learning more about each other like the conversations when we first met its disappointing I plan to leave it alone now if he sticks to his date tomorrow great if not oh well it doesn't seem to be going in that direction.

Edited January 24, 2015 by Omei

[Andy_K]

I was warned not to try Match and the other pay sites from several prior users (good friends and ex GF). They said results were terrible and that most are on POF also so you are getting many of the same people.

 

It is true the same people are on the free sites too, but that sort of misses the point of paid sites. The idea is that you get quality over quantity - if you get a reply back on match, you know she's likely paying for a subscription and therefore serious about making an effort and finding someone, not just messing around like 90% of pof. Likewise by virtue of you being on match, she automatically knows you're serious too - which might well give you the edge over all the guys writing to her on pof.

 

Basically, whilst there are far fewer potential matches on Match, your chances of a reply becoming a date are far higher, and more importantly the ratio of dates to time invested will likely be much better too.

[thecrucible]

I found the dates I went on if I felt like that I wasn't interested and found myself trying to come up with reasons why I should go onward.....but the guy im trying to talk to now I felt very interested like there was no question and I didnt need to think of reasons to go onward.

 

 

I'm idealistic enough to think that things don't always start off in a straight forward way...but I'll definitely take your advice. After Sunday, if I'm still on the fence (i.e. have not kissed him) then I'll call it 'cause I don't see the point in dragging things on for no reason. I dated a guy last year, although we stopped seeing each after three dates. But I definitely had more of a desire to kiss him than the current guy. With all my exes, we have kissed on the first or second date.

 

But idk how much longer its gonna last he finally did a short quick response today but nothing more again I think hes losing interest in me

 

 

Aw that's a shame. Have you heard anything since? Whatever you do, don't overcompensate (you don't sound like you would do that though). I made this mistake with a guy when I sensed his distance. I took the wrong advice from a friend who suggested I send him a heavily flirtatious text and whilst we kept talking for a bit, it just killed it after a while.

 

 

Whatever advice you get here, go with your instinct because I have always found that to be true. Whenever I've deviated from that, things have gone wrong.

 

 

Im not spam texting or nothing he just doesn't seem interested in learning more about each other like the conversations when we first met its disappointing I plan to leave it alone now if he sticks to his date tomorrow great if not oh well it doesn't seem to be going in that direction.

 

 

Yeah if it was me, it might make me a bit anxious if the guy asked fewer 'getting to know you' questions but maybe it just means now that he's more familiar with you, he'd ask you more in person. I think it's more about what time you spend in person and how eager they seem to facilitate that time together.

 

 

Well I look forward to hearing what happens and will have fingers crossed for you. Whatever happens, you'll be okay. It sounds like you've got your head screwed on more than I do lol

[Omei]

I'm idealistic enough to think that things don't always start off in a straight forward way...but I'll definitely take your advice. After Sunday, if I'm still on the fence (i.e. have not kissed him) then I'll call it 'cause I don't see the point in dragging things on for no reason. I dated a guy last year, although we stopped seeing each after three dates. But I definitely had more of a desire to kiss him than the current guy. With all my exes, we have kissed on the first or second date.

 

 

 

 

Aw that's a shame. Have you heard anything since? Whatever you do, don't overcompensate (you don't sound like you would do that though). I made this mistake with a guy when I sensed his distance. I took the wrong advice from a friend who suggested I send him a heavily flirtatious text and whilst we kept talking for a bit, it just killed it after a while.

 

 

Whatever advice you get here, go with your instinct because I have always found that to be true. Whenever I've deviated from that, things have gone wrong.

 

 

 

 

 

Yeah if it was me, it might make me a bit anxious if the guy asked fewer 'getting to know you' questions but maybe it just means now that he's more familiar with you, he'd ask you more in person. I think it's more about what time you spend in person and how eager they seem to facilitate that time together.

 

 

Well I look forward to hearing what happens and will have fingers crossed for you. Whatever happens, you'll be okay. It sounds like you've got your head screwed on more than I do lol

 

 

thecrucible thanks for following my posts, a second date for you isn't a bad idea but I agree if you have no desire to kiss him by 3rd date its prob cuz nothing is there. Let me know how it gos!

 

 

I did hear back it's been a long time since ive liked a guy that ive spent time with and hoped that it kept on going I mean ive been on dates but never been blown away as I was last weekend I guess its turning me into that silly worrisome overly hopeful girl.....ew lol good thing I don't let on.

 

I haven't done a flirting text yet, I don't want to scare him away

 

I left things as they were and didn't recontact or bother him and kinda went the method of will be will be and I only heard from him once yesterday, and the day before there was no short conversation between us so I really was preparing for the reality that he is slowly going to go out of contact by the end of last night I accepted it, but as soon as it hit 7 am this morning I was awoken by a text of him saying hes sorry he's been very busy and tired and that he's coming to get me right after work.

 

So that's good!

Edited January 24, 2015 by Omei