Ex broke up with me 2 years ago. Talking about getting back together. Timing is bad

[Cam116]

This is going to be a long one, folks. So strap in! I want to preface this by saying I am more or less posting just to get my story out there and vent, but I am certainly open to input about this situation I've found myself in.

 

My ex BF of 5 years (we'll call him K) broke up with me 2 years ago, almost to the day. Long story short: the relationship became stale, we grew apart, and the relationship just died. We were living together, I moved back home, was still fighting my way through school. It was rough. But I pulled through, moved on, started dating, yadda yadda yadda. The ex and I kept in LC. We still very much wanted to remain in one another's life, but we made sure we had a long time of NC before trying for the friendship (and NC was absolutely necessary). So 7 months post breakup, I get a call from him. He tells me he's moving to Florida for a new job offer. He called to tell me so that we could meet up to catch up, and so that we could re-open the lines of communication so that we could stay in touch while he was away. We hung out, had a great night, talked about EVERYTHING, including our horrible dating experiences. At this point, I wasn't completely healed from the BU. But healed enough and learned enough that I was able to handle the situation.

 

So we said our goodbye's, and that was pretty much that. 3 days after he left, I met someone. We had a relationship for about 6 months, before it fizzled. I continued to date around, continued to move forward with my life, and realized that I rarely thought about K. I graduated college, started a new job, and had already moved back out to my own apartment. Life was/is great! I would hear about K from time to time from mutual friends, would hear about girls he had been dating, and none of it bothered me. He actually came back to the area (Philly) this past St. Patty's day, and I went out to the bar with him with a bunch of mutual friends and a girl he had been dating from New York at the time. We hung out like old pals. After he left, I didn't really talk to him much. Just an occasional interaction on Facebook.

 

In July, I started a new job. My first job out of school. On the morning of my first day, I walked into work and grabbed my patient list. Scanned down the list, and saw his grandmother's name. I thought to myself it HAD to be someone else. Sure enough, it was her. She was admitted to my work the day before I started for rehab. We were so happy to see one another! I basically had lived with her for the first few years I was with K, and his family and I still had a great relationship. So K and I started talking more, I saw his family every single day when they would come in and visit his grandmother. I was with her every day for months. She was discharged home the Saturday before Thanksgiving. She died the following Tuesday.

 

I got the text from K. I was devastated, of course. So I went to the funeral, which was a week ago. It was overwhelming. His entire family was there, and they all were so happy to see me, and thanked me for taking care of her. They all told me how much they miss me, how much they want K and I to get back together. I sat in the church next to his mother, who was once basically my mother in law (she accidentally introduced me to someone there as K's girlfriend). I was on the verge of tears all day, not just because of the grandmothers death, but because the whole situation was SO intense for me. I felt like I was where I was supposed to be.

 

So I went to the luncheon afterwards, and was invited back to the house for the after luncheon party. At the house, it was only me and K and his immediate family, but it wasn't awkward. We all interacted as if nothing had happened. It felt like old times. Again, OVERWHELMING. But I kept my cool, and stayed as strong as I could. We decided that we didn't have enough to drink, so a few of us went to the bar up the street. When everyone left the bar, it was only K and I left. We continued to talk and laugh and drink, just enjoying one another's company. So at one point, we ended up outside smoking a cigarette. I mentioned something to him about how difficult today was for me, and how much it surprised me that it was that difficult for me. I ended up telling him that I still loved him, to which he responded that he never stopped loving me, always will, and how he said he is always thinking of me and missing me. We ended up hugging one another in the pouring rain, pouring our hearts out and crying.

 

We went back inside and decided that we needed to have a talk. We talked about everything, didn't hold back. Talked about the relationship, what went wrong, and talked about how our lack of communication was one of the biggest problems. We cleared the air on everything. It felt great. Then he kissed me. The kissing led to more kissing. Yadda yadda yadda, we ended up sleeping together. It was amazing. He held me all night.

 

We woke up the next morning and acknowledged that we had a lot we needed to talk about, but decided that we should wait a few days for the dust to settle and for us to get our heads on straight. We talked tonight, and while the issue of getting back together is not out the window, it's a difficult situation, and we both feel like it's just not the right time. He acknowledged that he's going to be in Florida for another year or two for his job. And while LDR are possible and do-able, we both agreed that it probably wouldn't work with our situation. We both said that we have a spot for one another, and that we were BOTH surprised at how our feelings for each other, which we didn't know we still had, kinda took over. Was it the booze? emotional trauma? Nostalgia? Could have been a mixture of all of those things. But neither one of us regrets that we slept together, and we both acknowledged that we still love each other. But we can't see how trying to start up another relationship right now in these circumstances will work. He said that if he was still living here, he would be more open to the possibility of trying again.

 

Another issue that we acknowledged is this: how has each of us really changed? We both have changed over the last 2 years, but it's near impossible to see what has changed without being able to be around one another more. So do we really want to try a LDR, without getting to know one another more? It's just complicated, so we had this long conversation that didn't have an end game. We didn't really come to any solid conclusions. We both feel there is still something there, but life circumstances are in the way, and it just isn't the right time to see if it can work. So in the meantime, we're going to keep living our lives, and not hold back or "wait" for one another. If it's meant to happen, it will happen. So no, we're not back together.I don't know if we will be. But there is certainly love still there, and something clicked between us last week. I guess that's it. Just needed to vent and figured I'd give an update since it's been a long time since I've been here. If there's anything anyone can learn from this who is going through heartbreak, follow the advice on these boards. Move on. Life DOES get better

[Ieris]

Thanks for sharing. It's nice how you both care and love each other even after so long. If it is meant to be, your paths will cross again x

[nolanola]

For someone who seems fairly young, you seem to really have your head on straight. I think that is fantastic. I read your post and it really spoke to me for some reason. I am struggling with a "timing" situation myself and it really blows. I wish I could be as upbeat and positive about it as you are.

Can I ask a question? Were you always this positive? Or did you have some times where you felt sad and missed him? It seems like you guys didn't talk a whole lot in the time that you were apart - is that right? I know these are kind of personal questions, I'm just wondering...

 

Thanks again for your post - sometimes I need a reminder of how I should be acting.

[Cam116]

Oh no, believe me I've had my share of dark days! But eventually you gotta pick yourself up and just keep going forward. I had a lot going on at the time in my life between school and graduating and switching jobs, it kept me pushing forward. I've had a lot of great experiences in the time we've been apart, and I'm thankful in a way that we broke up because after some hard reflection, I realized the relationship HAD to end. We were stuck. It just wasn't working for a myriad of reasons. But I have since found myself, and have a whole new approach to life. I don't take anything for granted anymore.

 

I've also had some great dating experiences. None lasted, but every single one has taught me somethin that I needed. We talked here and there over the last 2 years, not about anything substantial. But we tay in touch mostly through social media. It's not that we didn't WANT to talk to one another, but we were both dating other people and moving forward. You just have to trust that things will work out in the end, in one way or another. And unfortunately these things are just sometimes out of our control. Like John Lennon said "let it be". Good luck to you! I hope things work out the way you want them to