Author TheStylist Posted December 26, 2014 Author Posted December 26, 2014 I've been trying to do No Contact several times but I always failed after 3- 4 days of NC. Everytime we talked, it gets worst! Why is it SOOOOO hard to fight the urge for contact after 3-4 days! He texted me twice on the 24th of Dec (2 days after I did the NC). At 2pm, he texted "How are you now, pretty?" And Second at around 8:47pm saying, "Merry Christmas, pretty" and I didn't answer any of these. And now I'm on my 4th day of NC, and I can hardly breathe from fighting myself not to call him! I am falling apart. I wanted to cry so much, I just punched my pillow! I know I have to get over this 3-4 day phase! I feel like I'll be fine after 2 weeks, I don't know. I am so lost, I can hardly function! Anyone can relate? Please, help!
Dontfindme Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 You want to maintain NC? Think of it like this: every time you message/respond back to him he gets a little ego boost, and you lose a little bit of respect in his eyes. Don't let him win. Block. Block. Block everything.
Author TheStylist Posted December 26, 2014 Author Posted December 26, 2014 You want to maintain NC? Think of it like this: every time you message/respond back to him he gets a little ego boost, and you lose a little bit of respect in his eyes. Don't let him win. Block. Block. Block everything. That makes a lot of sense... Thank you for the input. I feel like throwing my phone out the window or turning it off for few months. I feel such a pathetic loser checking my phone like every single time for his text or miscalls! But I do understand when you say that everytime I text back, he will get a little ego boost because that's how I exactly felt when he texted me those. The more I got texts from him, the more I wanted to ignore him. NC, afterall, is a bit of mind game with a perk or healthy benefits. If you are mentally/emotionally strong enough, you win and at the same time, you are healed! Sighhh! I hate feeling like this! I just want to feel normal and loved. The pain is indescribable.
Dontfindme Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 That makes a lot of sense... Thank you for the input. I feel like throwing my phone out the window or turning it off for few months. I feel such a pathetic loser checking my phone like every single time for his text or miscalls! But I do understand when you say that everytime I text back, he will get a little ego boost because that's how I exactly felt when he texted me those. The more I got texts from him, the more I wanted to ignore him. NC, afterall, is a bit of mind game with a perk or healthy benefits. If you are mentally/emotionally strong enough, you win and at the same time, you are healed! Sighhh! I hate feeling like this! I just want to feel normal and loved. The pain is indescribable. You won't feel like this forever, and the pain will start to dissipate. Your situation is an example of why blocking works - I know that it is hard to do, but you won't be stressing over whether your phone vibrated every 2 seconds. You should know by now that he's not going to be telling you anything that will heal you. You have to heal yourself. Block him. It's liberating! Try it out.
Trimmer Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 I've just read your other thread, from mid-December, and I think that asking about "how to do NC" is an incomplete question, unless you have a more specific goal in place. NC is not an end in itself, it is a tool. It was very unclear, from your previous thread, whether you are intending to end this relationship, and whether you have communicated that to your boyfriend (ex?) Or whether you are using NC to "clear your mind" so you can come back again for another round of relationship shenanigans. So what is it? Have you chosen to break up permanently, or is your "NC" some kind of relationship strategy here?
coolheadal Posted December 26, 2014 Posted December 26, 2014 Sounds like you won't let go and even with NC in place your over riding what it was meant to curb in the first place when it came to Ex! We're all been there like you well I have with the current on is on her way as my Ex. Once the lies and cheating starts I will not put up with it. If they can't be honest with you in the first place why would you want them to hang around in your life. Why put yourself through all this pain and suffering. I am lot stronger than I was with my Ex Wife and now with Ex GF on way out of my life for good. I am actually driving her to the Bus Depot in a few hours. So a little advice to you is to open up your mind and heart and say in the mirror is this person I am looking at really going to let an Ex control you me? Can I be strong enough to put them in a box called NC! Remember Ex is what they are and always will be. Ex is why your are not with them. Ex will try to control you if you let them. Ex is a fake relationship! Ex will never be what you wanted or give you H.O.P.E! It will never be the same with an Ex! Ex is not your friend or lover! Ex is just trouble!
Author TheStylist Posted December 28, 2014 Author Posted December 28, 2014 I've just read your other thread, from mid-December, and I think that asking about "how to do NC" is an incomplete question, unless you have a more specific goal in place. NC is not an end in itself, it is a tool. It was very unclear, from your previous thread, whether you are intending to end this relationship, and whether you have communicated that to your boyfriend (ex?) Or whether you are using NC to "clear your mind" so you can come back again for another round of relationship shenanigans. So what is it? Have you chosen to break up permanently, or is your "NC" some kind of relationship strategy here? No, this time I have chosen to break up with him permanently. I caught him lying last week, again. And instead of explaining, he went ballistic and I had enough of all these drama. He always does that everytime I caught him lying, always wanting to break up instead of talking about it. I was like "What is this? Why can't you be honest with me?" And he goes "Who cares?! Just leave! Stop asking questions! Get lost! I don't want you anymore! I'm done with you?!" I am so tired of crying and taking all his shhhh! And after few hours he was very apologetic! He is driving me insane!
Author TheStylist Posted December 28, 2014 Author Posted December 28, 2014 Anyway, today is my 6th day of NC. I woke up a bit lost. Yesterday, at around 5:30pm, while I was getting ready for gym, he texted me twice saying, "Pretty, how are you now?" and "I miss you so much". Good thing though I was too focus with going to the gym that I just didn't think much of his texts. But when I got back and getting ready for sleep, I couldn't sleep. I was restless and couldn't stop checking my phone again til dawn. Though I am feeling a little okay compared to the 3rd and 4th day of NC, I am still struggling. I do wish everything will be okay. Part of me still wants him but 90% of me wants to get amnesia and forget his existence and our past. We started really good and almost perfect. I wondered what went wrong. Why the sudden shift?! What have I done wrong? I hardly know him now. Whatever it was, I just want to move on and not look back. I can't wait to the day where I'll be totally detached from him and all the memories... The "indifference" state... So help me , God. 1
Trimmer Posted December 28, 2014 Posted December 28, 2014 No, this time I have chosen to break up with him permanently. OK, then take no prisoners. I'll take you at your word that this is really your intention, and if that's the case, then you need to not just "not contact" him in a passive way, but you need to actively block him. Take action to cut off contact. Figure out how, on your cell phone service, you can put his number on a "block" list (I know you can do it on Verizon - through my account login on their website - and I expect that each service has a way you can do this.) I also know how to block incoming Emails, either by filtering them at my Email client on my local machine, or setting up a filter at my EMail server (at the account level, with your provider, whether you are @gmail.com, or @yahoo.com, or whoever...) Just passively sitting back and planning "not to respond" leaves you in this position where you are potentially being hit by texts, emails, calls, whatever, and you are in the position of having to be strong not to respond. Instead, take action, and do the blocking. This will do two things: (a) it will minimize the problem of you knowing about whether he is trying to contact you, and (b) by taking positive action, you are convincing yourself that this is truly something you want to move forward on. Oh, and if you are "friends" or whatever on social media, both unfriend and block, wherever possible. I caught him lying last week, again. And instead of explaining, he went ballistic and I had enough of all these drama. He always does that everytime I caught him lying, always wanting to break up instead of talking about it. I was like "What is this? Why can't you be honest with me?" And he goes "Who cares?! Just leave! Stop asking questions! Get lost! I don't want you anymore! I'm done with you?!" I am so tired of crying and taking all his shhhh! And after few hours he was very apologetic! He is driving me insane! Another suggestion: start talking about him in the past tense. "He always did that..." and "He used to drive me insane..." If you are really serious about this, and I hope you are, then these issues are no longer present-tense issues. Anyway, today is my 6th day of NC. I woke up a bit lost. Yesterday, at around 5:30pm, while I was getting ready for gym, he texted me twice saying, "Pretty, how are you now?" and "I miss you so much". Good thing though I was too focus with going to the gym that I just didn't think much of his texts. But when I got back and getting ready for sleep, I couldn't sleep. I was restless and couldn't stop checking my phone again til dawn. NO excuse for not blocking. You don't even need to know whether he is sending anything, and you certainly don't need to be actively checking your phone. BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK Incidentally, blocking and defriending and all of that has NOTHING to do with sending him a message. There will be no sending of messages of any kind, either directly or indirectly. The purpose of blocking is so that you don't get hit with these contact attempts, and you can sleep, knowing that "checking your phone" is irrelevant, because there won't be anything there. Block, defriend, actively cut off contact. Do it. Now.
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