Ganz7 Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 (edited) I'm trying to recover from a breakup and it's interesting how many 'life' accounts I'm getting to hear from my friends and their experiences. I thought I'd share one particular account I heard at the weekend. My friend has had to rebuild his life three times. Two of these coming off the back of two breakups. One of these break ups was particularly bad. He had fallen in love with a young woman and for 8 years they traveled around the world enjoying life etc. My friend had some children from a previous marriage but was separated (I think). This young lady he met was living abroad whilst his children were based elsewhere (I wasn't paying too much attention to this bit). My friend said something about the turmoil he was facing. He was deep in love with this young lady but at the same time did not want to lose touch with his kids. He was stuck between a rock and hard place. Anyway, to cut a long story short it was the young gf that changed her mind and left him after 8 years. He was very frank in our conversation and said he was devasted! I've known this guy for a few years and was surprised he revealed the depth of pain and depression he went through. Apparently the emotional pain of the breakup hit him so hard he could not cope by himself and sought professional help who he saw for an hour every week. After a number of weeks his psychiatrist told him that he could no longer help him as he had exhausted all possible avenues and that there was no point spending anymore money as it wouldn't do anything to ease the pain. My friend said at that point something seem to snap him out of the depression. He stood up, back straight, brushed himself down and said to the psychiatrist: thank you very much. I promise you will never see me again" and left. What he did after was the interesting bit. He said he 'killed himself' for the next solid month by knocking down a house he had and began rebuilding it. He said he got up everyday at 6am and worked until when he got home he was so exhausted he never had time on his own dwelling on the past and would fall asleep. He said after a relatively short time of this regime (one month) he no longer thought of his ex. He said that killing himself in this way had "..saved my life"!!! This account really lifted my spirits to know there was a solution only I had to be disciplined enough to do it and a house to rebuild(!?). The best bit was yet to come.. What he said to me in the following sequence gob smacked me! I retorted: but I keep bumping into my ex or my friends and family bump into her..its keeps reminding me.. I mentioned that I had sourced another apartment but that it too near where I know my ex is living. He replied.. the only way you really know whether you have got over her is to see her, and even welcome her to live next to you!!!!! That eventually you will replace those old memories with new ones. As to the problem of music reminding me of my ex and the places we used to go to he said.. listen to those songs enough times and you will make new memories that will replace the old ones. The new memories will be better and fresher. If you frequented some cafes go to them everyday so that they too will be replaced with new memories. Doing it this way she will eventually become part of a distant memory you will no longer even want to reminisce about much in the way we never really dwell on old memories for too long. The thought of moving into the same block as my ex really excited me as I really liked the flat. In addition I would see her a few times but then after a while I would be too busy with my life to care about her own life. And too think there were all those songs I thought could never listen to again. I first have to 'kill myself' with work in order to forget her. Hope this helps someone. Ganz Edited December 16, 2014 by Ganz7 1
jphcbpa Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 (edited) I like this...took me nearly a year to go to the coffee shop she ended the rel in. I went recently (happened to be at a restaurant nearby) walked in with the intention of reclaiming that space. I ordered, walked out and put the beverage in my car and walked back in to use the restroom before hitting the road. It felt very empowering to have a mental shift and refresh my image of that establishment. Places are just places and things are just things. Oddly enough I just connected with a woman who I have strong alignment with who has the same name as my ex. It was a huge sign post in my recovery to not shy away from someone who shares a name. There are lots of women named that and it is just a name, not the person/spirit. Edited December 16, 2014 by jphcbpa 3
Author Ganz7 Posted December 28, 2014 Author Posted December 28, 2014 (edited) Glad you liked this Jphcbpa. Up until my friend told me his story the kind of advice I had been getting was: time is a healer.. hit the gym.. meet new people.. forget about ur ex.. Whilst they were trying to be helpful the advice didn't really convince me. Doing what you did to reclaim the places back you used to share is exactly what I am doing - I have to otherwise I'd have to move to another city!! Everything we did: flying, driving, eating, cinema, chilling... all these things bring memories but I cannot cease to do these things for the rest of my life. You dating someone with the same name is a great example. What should we do..? Not date anymore brunettes (in my case) with the same name or from the same country... Reclaim the things you used to enjoy. I know from recent reports about my ex is that she is frequenting the places we used to go to! She doesn't seem to have any problems doing this and even telling my friends who frequent the same place that we split (she walked out... ). If they see you at the gym then great.. get in their FACES! So they can see that you've moved on. DO IT everyone! You'll take ownership. Like us you will feel liberated!!!! Edited December 28, 2014 by Ganz7 1
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