Johnson1 Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 I don't know why my girlfriend keeps putting facebook and her online world ahead of me. I get into work and logon at 7:30 then wait to see her green chat light come on telling me she's awake and online. She sends me an 'l love you' multimedia text message, but not after she's been awake for a half hour and playing around on facebook and her online world. It's insulting to me. I feel like I'm playing second fiddle to her phone all the time. I told her about it and how I appreciate that she says she loves me, but by waiting it makes me feel like an afterthought. I love her to death. My first act of the day upon awaking would be saying good morning to her, but she doesn't do that. Would that bother you? Thanks.
Gaeta Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 I am not sure I understand your complaint. You are hurt she does not say good morning to you first? Other than that how is she in person? Does she browse the net instead of talking to you when you're together? When I get a good morning from a man I date I don't wonder who else he said good morning to first. Maybe that's because I don't wait for him on social medias. If I were you I would stop logging on FB in the morning to wait for her. She can text you good morning. Does that really matter if she text it at 7h30 or 10 am? About you text her good morning instead of waiting for her?
Author Johnson1 Posted December 16, 2014 Author Posted December 16, 2014 (edited) I am not sure I understand your complaint. You are hurt she does not say good morning to you first? Other than that how is she in person? Does she browse the net instead of talking to you when you're together? When I get a good morning from a man I date I don't wonder who else he said good morning to first. Maybe that's because I don't wait for him on social medias. If I were you I would stop logging on FB in the morning to wait for her. She can text you good morning. Does that really matter if she text it at 7h30 or 10 am? About you text her good morning instead of waiting for her? Yes she does browse facebook and her email while we're together, but not every 5 minutes. She might browse through it every hour or so. She knows 10 trillion people and she's constantly got people texting her. She is faithful. I do know that. She's a good girl who I know loves me. I know it may seem trivial. I will text her first so when she awakes she should see my message and hopefully respond to it first before going on facebook. What if she doesn't? Should I let it bother me then? Edited December 16, 2014 by Vocals5
Holmes85 Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Either you let it slide (like you are right now and it's driving you crazy) or you talk about it to her in a calm manner.
Gaeta Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 I know it may seem trivial. I will text her first so when she awakes she should see my message and hopefully respond to it first before going on facebook. What if she doesn't? Should I let it bother me then? I personally don't understand why it's so important she replies good morning before doing anything else. I get text good morning and I just reply once I get to work. It does not mean I don't think about him. I feel it bothers you because you see FB as a competitor for her attention and you'd like her to at least grant this little bit to you. I think there is more to this FB than you'll letting us know.
toscaroscura Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Sorry but this sort of seems insecure. How long have you been dating? If it's for any length of time, then she's probably really secure in your relationship and confident that if you don't text her the second you awaken, it doesn't mean you don't love her! The same applies to her. I presume that you two are otherwise happy and that she spends time w you and makes you a priority in real life? It's always more attractive when my SO has a life of his own and he doesn't set his watch to my daily movements. Besides, maybe it's just me but I prefer not to actually talk to people right upon awakening. She may just browse to help her wake up/decompress before starting her day. Checking FB is relaxing and it might give her a little boost to see her friends' updates first thing.
Author Johnson1 Posted December 16, 2014 Author Posted December 16, 2014 I personally don't understand why it's so important she replies good morning before doing anything else. I get text good morning and I just reply once I get to work. It does not mean I don't think about him. I feel it bothers you because you see FB as a competitor for her attention and you'd like her to at least grant this little bit to you. I think there is more to this FB than you'll letting us know. Yes, I guess I do look at it as competition for her attention. I seem to be losing the battle. I have spoken with her about it and told her it makes me feel like I'm an afterthought, but she still does it. She says she has a morning ritual that she does. There isn't more to it really. She does know tons of people including guys. I know she's not talking to them and that's not what bothers me. It's just the fact that she doesn't miss me when she wakes up. She told me when we first started going together that I was her first thought when she wakes up and her last thought when she goes to bed, but in reality facebook is her first thought upon awaking. I suppose it's no big deal really. Just something that erks me a little.
Author Johnson1 Posted December 16, 2014 Author Posted December 16, 2014 Sorry but this sort of seems insecure. How long have you been dating? If it's for any length of time, then she's probably really secure in your relationship and confident that if you don't text her the second you awaken, it doesn't mean you don't love her! The same applies to her. I presume that you two are otherwise happy and that she spends time w you and makes you a priority in real life? It's always more attractive when my SO has a life of his own and he doesn't set his watch to my daily movements. Besides, maybe it's just me but I prefer not to actually talk to people right upon awakening. She may just browse to help her wake up/decompress before starting her day. Checking FB is relaxing and it might give her a little boost to see her friends' updates first thing. I suppose. We haven't been going together long (7 weeks) but we do love each other deeply and we are very happy. Even everyone we know sees it. It's like we've known each other for years. Maybe I expect too much I guess. It's not my intention to be overbearing with her. I try not to be.
Gaeta Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 I suppose. We haven't been going together long (7 weeks) but we do love each other deeply and we are very happy. Even everyone we know sees it. It's like we've known each other for years. Maybe I expect too much I guess. It's not my intention to be overbearing with her. I try not to be. 7 weeks and you love each other deeply ok. May I ask how old you both are?
Author Johnson1 Posted December 16, 2014 Author Posted December 16, 2014 (edited) 7 weeks and you love each other deeply ok. May I ask how old you both are? Oh God, here we go. I'll put it to you this way hun, we're both old enough and have the experience to know what's real and what isn't. I don't care how short of a time it's been. Just like any relationship that's been going on for years there's just some clarifications to straighten out. People who think such a short time is an infatuation haven't seen us together. People who have, know it isn't, just seeing the way we are with each other. People in our inner circle of 200 friends (40+ in age) keep asking us when we're getting married. Edited December 16, 2014 by Vocals5
GemmaUK Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 My ex was 43 and he had the same problem with me. I would log into a site, grab a coffee, just browse - all while I was waking up and before I was ready to communicate with anyone. He would text me at around 5.30am or would text me the moment I logged into the site we were both on. I wasn't awake enough to think of any replies to anything much at that point. There was no competition element in it for me - none at all. My only competition element was once I replied I was meant to text right back - which often made me late for work - not great when I have a mortgage to pay. This was one of quite a lot of issues he had with me though and he turned out to be insecure, needy, controlling and emotionally abusive.
Gaeta Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Oh God, here we go. I'll put it to you this way hun, we're both old enough and have the experience to know what's real and what isn't. I don't care how short of a time it's been. Just like any relationship that's been going on for years there's just some clarifications to straighten out. People who think such a short time is an infatuation haven't seen us together. People who have, know it isn't, just seeing the way we are with each other. People in our inner circle of 200 friends (40+ in age) keep asking us when we're getting married. I am not going to touch this because that would re-direct your thread on a different subject, what is love, and it's not your question. If she is THAT madly in love with you then why does she leave your good mornings unattended? Especially after only 7 weeks dating. So early she should grab that phone to reply to your message then go on FB and post about how you are the light of her life. Also most love stories start with infatuation why are you SO against being infatuated. As if it were a bad word. Every man I 'loved' it started with infatuation. 1
losangelena Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 I suppose. We haven't been going together long (7 weeks) but we do love each other deeply and we are very happy. Even everyone we know sees it. It's like we've known each other for years. Maybe I expect too much I guess. It's not my intention to be overbearing with her. I try not to be. I'm not sure you expect "too much," necessarily, but this does, in the grand scheme of things, feel a bit petty, especially since you say you both love each other so much. Other things and other people will vie for the attention of our loved ones all the time. I've learned to expect that if my BF is at his place playing video games, his response rate and quality are going to be low. I could be upset, or I could figure that it's just a thing he's doing and it's not a reflection of his feelings for me. In fact, I wouldn't want him dropping everything just so he can text me right away. I want him to have a life. That doesn't mean I'm second fiddle. I think part of the problem is that you're sitting there waiting for her message. You see that she's online, but not messaging you, so it's becoming a bigger deal than maybe it is in reality. Let her have her ritual. Be glad she has a large social network of friends. It's not like she's ignoring you for days. You're the first thing on her mind—believe her when she says this—and feel okay with the fact that that won't equate to you being the first person she texts.
losangelena Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Oh God, here we go. I'll put it to you this way hun, we're both old enough and have the experience to know what's real and what isn't. No need to get defensive or condescending. Gaeta's questions were legit. We don't know your situation. To my mind, a 20 year old asking this is very different than a 40 year old asking this. One smacks of inexperience. The other of control issues. 2
Standard-Fare Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Oh God, here we go. I'll put it to you this way hun, we're both old enough and have the experience to know what's real and what isn't. I don't care how short of a time it's been. Just like any relationship that's been going on for years there's just some clarifications to straighten out. People who think such a short time is an infatuation haven't seen us together. People who have, know it isn't, just seeing the way we are with each other. People in our inner circle of 200 friends (40+ in age) keep asking us when we're getting married. OK, well if you're in your 40s, why are you behaving like a teenager about social media and texting? You should have the maturity to recognize this stuff as the meaningless BS it is. Yes, you are being insecure and needy in not only paying so much attention to this, but also making unreasonable demands of your GF. Can you just find a way to let it drop? 1
Gaeta Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 I just fell off my chair. OP is coming out of a 27 year marriage.
GemmaUK Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 I'm not sure you expect "too much," necessarily, but this does, in the grand scheme of things, feel a bit petty, especially since you say you both love each other so much. Other things and other people will vie for the attention of our loved ones all the time. I've learned to expect that if my BF is at his place playing video games, his response rate and quality are going to be low. I could be upset, or I could figure that it's just a thing he's doing and it's not a reflection of his feelings for me. In fact, I wouldn't want him dropping everything just so he can text me right away. I want him to have a life. That doesn't mean I'm second fiddle. I think part of the problem is that you're sitting there waiting for her message. You see that she's online, but not messaging you, so it's becoming a bigger deal than maybe it is in reality. Let her have her ritual. Be glad she has a large social network of friends. It's not like she's ignoring you for days. You're the first thing on her mind—believe her when she says this—and feel okay with the fact that that won't equate to you being the first person she texts. You just added to how I felt above. I was actually at the point of falling for my now ex when he began all of this and issues with my behaviour. I never did fall for the guy properly, he stopped that happening by his issues. Late December I tried to end things for the first time. I got into so much trouble over Christmas...for things you guys would not even believe. Anyway, not wishing to thread-jack. OP, lighten up. Respect her space and her morning ritual. It does not mean she isn't into you. It just means she has a harmless morning ritual - that is all. Don't be competitive about it. It's a dumb thing to get competitive over if you are indeed in your 40's..as I am.
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