singme2sleep Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 I've been seeing my boyfriend for 3 months now. A couple nights ago he took me to meet some of his friends and have dinner. I was nervous and worried about them liking me but for awhile it went well. Then we brought out the wine and played a drinking game called 'Kings'...anyone heard of it? Well basically throughout the course of the game there's a Never Have I Ever part and I learned something about him that I didn't know and I kind of harped on it for awhile. I was a bit drunk and did tell him that when I'm drunk I tend to say stupid stuff etc. I know it's not necessarily an excuse but I don't think people should be held 100% accountable for their intoxicated words. Anyway, when we left his friends he tells me he is upset over the way I acted. Yesterday I wanted him to call me so we could talk and he never did. Then this morning I texted him and tried to apologize, told him I wasn't perfect but he didn't have to ignore me. He answered back "I know. So am I. I just need time to sort things out." And that's all he said. So being a girl I'm naturally freaked out and thinking that he's going to break up with me. I'm asking for opinions... What should I do? Help!
Gaeta Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 What did you say or do at that get together? Sorry but if you know you get out of control when drunk then don't get drunk ! no? 3
Redhead14 Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 I've been seeing my boyfriend for 3 months now. A couple nights ago he took me to meet some of his friends and have dinner. I was nervous and worried about them liking me but for awhile it went well. Then we brought out the wine and played a drinking game called 'Kings'...anyone heard of it? Well basically throughout the course of the game there's a Never Have I Ever part and I learned something about him that I didn't know and I kind of harped on it for awhile. I was a bit drunk and did tell him that when I'm drunk I tend to say stupid stuff etc. I know it's not necessarily an excuse but I don't think people should be held 100% accountable for their intoxicated words. Anyway, when we left his friends he tells me he is upset over the way I acted. Yesterday I wanted him to call me so we could talk and he never did. Then this morning I texted him and tried to apologize, told him I wasn't perfect but he didn't have to ignore me. He answered back "I know. So am I. I just need time to sort things out." And that's all he said. So being a girl I'm naturally freaked out and thinking that he's going to break up with me. I'm asking for opinions... What should I do? Help! You need to respect his wishes to have some space. You've apologized and the ball is in his court. If he doesn't come back to you soon, it says one of two things: 1) He doesn't get over things quickly or deal well with them or 2) He wasn't invested in you enough to be able to overlook these kinds of things or at least address them directly with you. Either way, it just means it wasn't really mean't to be. In the meantime, don't contact him unless or until he contacts you again. If he does, you respond in a balanced way. Don't be whiny or overly apologetic either. You've aleady apologized. You listen to what he has to say and do not entertain this conversation through text. You have an in person meeting or a phone call at the very least. This will be a test of how the future would look between the two of you for addressing issues that arise in the relationship. In the meantime, you go out with your friends and keep focused on your own life. 3
Author singme2sleep Posted December 16, 2014 Author Posted December 16, 2014 What did you say or do at that get together? Sorry but if you know you get out of control when drunk then don't get drunk ! no? Basically he revealed he's had a threesome in the past. It just kind of shocked me. I made comments asking who with and just periodically brought it up. I wasn't crazy drunk, but it was a drinking game and looking back now I could have handled things differently. I won't push him to talk but I hate not knowing if he's going to walk away.
Redhead14 Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Basically he revealed he's had a threesome in the past. It just kind of shocked me. I made comments asking who with and just periodically brought it up. I wasn't crazy drunk, but it was a drinking game and looking back now I could have handled things differently. I won't push him to talk but I hate not knowing if he's going to walk away. It's only been 3 months. You shouldn't be so invested as to not be prepared for him to walk away or you. Don't be afraid of him walking away, view it as a learning experience and possibly dodging a bullet for going further into a relationship that would not have ultimately worked out anyway. Yes, it sucks not knowing if he will, just keep yourself busy with other things you enjoy. We all do this to ourselves sometimes, but as we get more experienced, it does get easier. It's good to dump your fears and worries here at least. This is a good place to vent and get them out in a way that doesn't spill over into your "real" world
GemmaUK Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Is what he said about his past an issue that you are likely to bring up again?
Danda Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 To be fair, that's not the sort of thing you break out to your SO while they are drunk and in front of other people. I mean how would he have reacted, sitting there drunk in front of his friends, if you had been like, "Yeah I once was with two guys at once, one in my ***** and one in my mouth!" Do either you or him really believe he would have reacted in a totally chill manner and moved right along in the conversation? Lol yeah I don't think so. So you are not 100% at fault here. It was mature of you to apologize, but you don't need to grovel anymore beyond this point. 8
Gaeta Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Basically he revealed he's had a threesome in the past. It just kind of shocked me. I made comments asking who with and just periodically brought it up. I wasn't crazy drunk, but it was a drinking game and looking back now I could have handled things differently. I won't push him to talk but I hate not knowing if he's going to walk away. Well I don't blame you at all then. He's the one in the wrong here. You don't say these types of things to a girlfriend in front of a crowd! I wonder why it's not you upset at him instead! 2
Silent_Shadow Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 In vino veritas - "in wine there is truth." He obviously doesn't respect you enough to not "accidentally" embarrass you in front of friends. If he confided this in private with you and not made a spectacle about it then yeah, the past would be the past. Yet he flat out kind of sort of in a subtle way insulted you in front of friends if you both are looking for something serious here. I agree with the above poster that if you blurted out doing the same thing with two guys in the past, he would of thrown a tantrum and possibly flipped the table. Haha, gender equality?--Far from it. Why don't YOU tell HIM you need to sort things out as well and seriously reevaluate whether or not this person actually considers your feelings or not, drunk or not... People who use intoxication as an excuse for their heartless behavior aren't really worthwhile relationship material either, and 3 months is no serious commitment, so possibly you dodged a bullet here? Yeah there are lines when trying to be open minded and understanding, yet it's a two way street and he's failed to comprehend your feelings on the matter, which is rather odd. People used to have more social tact back in the day, what the hell is wrong with people nowadays they're so selfish and inconsiderate? A time and place for everything and actions speak louder than words, he doesn't respect you and clearly flaunted that in front of everyone. 2
Author singme2sleep Posted December 16, 2014 Author Posted December 16, 2014 It's only been 3 months. You shouldn't be so invested as to not be prepared for him to walk away or you. Don't be afraid of him walking away, view it as a learning experience and possibly dodging a bullet for going further into a relationship that would not have ultimately worked out anyway. Yes, it sucks not knowing if he will, just keep yourself busy with other things you enjoy. We all do this to ourselves sometimes, but as we get more experienced, it does get easier. It's good to dump your fears and worries here at least. This is a good place to vent and get them out in a way that doesn't spill over into your "real" world I wish I wasn't as invested already as I am, it's like I have no control over my heart. But I'm in this now, I care a lot and that's prob why I'm so upset he'll end it.
Author singme2sleep Posted December 16, 2014 Author Posted December 16, 2014 Well I don't blame you at all then. He's the one in the wrong here. You don't say these types of things to a girlfriend in front of a crowd! I wonder why it's not you upset at him instead! Exactly! Thank you! My sober reaction would have been one of shock too, but I wouldn't have brought it up again in front of everyone.
Author singme2sleep Posted December 16, 2014 Author Posted December 16, 2014 To be fair, that's not the sort of thing you break out to your SO while they are drunk and in front of other people. I mean how would he have reacted, sitting there drunk in front of his friends, if you had been like, "Yeah I once was with two guys at once, one in my ***** and one in my mouth!" Do either you or him really believe he would have reacted in a totally chill manner and moved right along in the conversation? Lol yeah I don't think so. So you are not 100% at fault here. It was mature of you to apologize, but you don't need to grovel anymore beyond this point. Totally. I wish he could see it from my perspective! Stuff like this doesn't get revealed at a dinner party...I needed time to process it.
Redhead14 Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 He was obviously more upset about all this than she was. It would serve no purpose to fuel the situation by going down the road of how it made her feel. She expressed some things at the time. Not only that, what difference does it make what he did before she met him (yes, this could raise a concern regarding disease what have you, but it's moot, they are having sex anyway). She didn't think it was a big deal really even tho she pushed it at the time, she got over it, she's worried about him walking. If it were a bigger deal to her, she'd be the one saying she's going to walk. He mentioned it at the time and was probably embarrassed to do it and not expecting that I'm sure. She harped on it and embarrassed him further. His other friends didn't do that to him apparently. If she likes him and is truly sorry for doing what she did, she can wait for him to accept the apology. Otherwise, don't fuel it. 1
Author singme2sleep Posted December 16, 2014 Author Posted December 16, 2014 She didn't think it was a big deal really even tho she pushed it at the time, she got over it, she's worried about him walking. If it were a bigger deal to her, she'd be the one saying she's going to walk. You're right. If he had told me about it sober and when we were alone, my reaction would have been different. I never intended to embarrass him, I went there hoping his friends would like me.
Author singme2sleep Posted December 16, 2014 Author Posted December 16, 2014 Well he texted me and said he appreciates me giving him his time to sort things out. But I just feel like I need to brace myself for the worst. Do you guys think a breakup is coming??
oldshirt Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 I know it's not necessarily an excuse but I don't think people should be held 100% accountable for their intoxicated words. First off, regardless of how this situation ends up, you need to get this ridiculous notion completely out of your head. You are completely 100% accountable for what you say and do whether you are drunk or stone cold sober. Go out and drive drunk and run over and kill an 8 year old girl and tell me how much being drunk will get you excused and get your case dismissed. You still haven't told us exactly what you said to him or how you said it, but depending on how bad it was, he would be completely justified in dumping you if it was bad enough. 1
oldshirt Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Well he texted me and said he appreciates me giving him his time to sort things out. But I just feel like I need to brace myself for the worst. Do you guys think a breakup is coming?? That would depend on what you said and how you said it.
Danda Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Well he texted me and said he appreciates me giving him his time to sort things out. But I just feel like I need to brace myself for the worst. Do you guys think a breakup is coming?? I think that if he breaks up with you over this that you won't really be losing much. You both ****ed up a bit. He revealed his sexual history to you while you were drunk in front of his friends. That was just clumsy as hell at best. You did some drunk harping and embarrassed him. That was clumsy at best, too. But in the grand scheme of things this shouldn't be a huge deal. It's a little incident that caused some tiffed feelings on both sides, during a drinking game. If a relationship can't survive something like that, then it was a pretty weak bond in the first place. And since you went first in the apology/empathy department, if he seriously can't get over something this small even with you willing to shoulder the entire blame, then good riddance. Of course the end of any relationship tends to hurt quite a bit, so I understand if you'd still feel broken up about it. But just keep it in perspective here. 2
Danda Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 That would depend on what you said and how you said it. She just said she asked him who he did it with and kept bringing it up, but now that you mention this I'm kind of curious, too. Did he really get ticked just because you asked him who the threesome involved and kept asking in a drunk broken-record manner, or was there more to it?
oldshirt Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 She just said she asked him who he did it with and kept bringing it up, but now that you mention this I'm kind of curious, too. Did he really get ticked just because you asked him who the threesome involved and kept asking in a drunk broken-record manner, or was there more to it? Yeah, the devil is in the details. If all she really did was ask who it was a few times, that would be one thing. But if she was saying stuff like - -"Threesome?! You are lucky to ever get one girl like me, do you really think we are going to believe you had a threesome? They must've both been a couple of drunk, fat cows!" Or -" you can't even get me off when it's just the two of us. How did you ever think you were going to take care of two chicks with that tiny dck and of yours even if you could get it up?" If she was saying stuff like that, it's a whole other story. 1
spiderowl Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 I wish I wasn't as invested already as I am, it's like I have no control over my heart. But I'm in this now, I care a lot and that's prob why I'm so upset he'll end it. I would never wait for a guy to decide whether he wanted to stay with me or not. I did this once and I now know it's a sign he is breaking away. Your guy might not - I'm no expert - but I do know I wouldn't sit and wait for him. In fact, if it was me (which it isn't), I would be telling him it's over now. I wouldn't wait to be the one dumped. Sorry
lil hoodlum Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 You're right. If he had told me about it sober and when we were alone, my reaction would have been different. I never intended to embarrass him, I went there hoping his friends would like me. If he was so cocerned about being embarrassed over having a three-some before, then maybe he should not have admitted that in front of everyone at a get together. I think most peoples reaction to someone revealing the had participated in a threesome would be kinda shocked. I mean come on, having three-somes isn't exactly the norm for most people. And he isn't just some acqaintence or co-worker, he is your boyfriend.
Leigh 87 Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 He's just not that into you. Admitting he had a threesome and a girl freaking out in front of his friends wouldn't be a deal breaker if a guy was falling in love and really investing emotions into a woman. Unless you are a crazy drunk I see no reason why a man would end things with a woman. Trust me on this one.... if a guy is really liking you and where your dating is heading, they don't break up over silly little issues such as this one. You obviously showed a side to him he didn't like - you may have acted a little drunk and annoying; he could have realised that hey, he doesn't like you enough to tolerate it. My friend who is with a man who is nuts about her could be totally wasted and he would simply tuck her into bed and continue the relationship like usual. I have dated men who didn't like ME enough to overlook slightly aloof or odd behaviour - and then I have met men who have overlooked way worse behaviour than you exhibited - because they were INTO me. Yes it sounds like he wants space, a break or a break up. 99.9 % of the time, if a man wants to :sort things out: it means he isn't into you enough to overlook issues that arise in life.
Rydo Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 Sounds to me like he has never had a threesome and just wanted to act like he had, you decided to ask follow up questions he wasn't prepared for and he got embarrassed. All my friends know about any overly interesting things I've done in that department so I wouldn't be embarrassed if it came up again.
BC1980 Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 I wish I wasn't as invested already as I am, it's like I have no control over my heart. But I'm in this now, I care a lot and that's prob why I'm so upset he'll end it. Welcome to the human race:-) 1
Recommended Posts