Hopes Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 I was thinking of giving a girl that I have a crush on a poem and I don't know if it is a stupid idea or not. I have known her for maybe 6 months, and we she is a busy bee but we have had dinner together a few times and a few drinks. I see her a handful of times in a month. The thing is, I am abroad and will am set to return to the US in a few months but I am trying to find a job here. Anyway, this is the poem, is it a stupid idea to give it to her? First time I saw you, I just knew, It would drive me crazy if I didn't meet you. I schemed, I thought, then my plain lain, I asked you for a Kippe, and you said Kannst du drehen? Lips so soft and a smile with a glow, The time I spend with you, I wish a little more slow. Only thing warmer is the kindness of your heart, I dream, in your life that I could be a part. A voice like a siren and gorgeous hair so long, no matter where I am, my soul can hear your song. Such sweetness in your cheeks and a beauty in your face, I'm not exaggerating that you make my heart race. There is a light in your eyes that shines so bright, a brilliant star, radiating through the night. A gentleness in your touch, sending tingles down my spine, I can't stop my wish that I could make you mine. It's rare to find a woman, inside with such a strength exciting to find one that matches mine at length. All of this is true, I swear to you, little lass, so quick and easy, you turned my iron into glass. I told you once before, and I heard what you had to say, couldn't help but ignore, I couldn't let it lay. I had to exclaim it once again, see, you've touched me to my very core I wish to be someone special, someone you'd visit on the other shore.
genuinelyloverly7 Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Poems are great! As a poet, I thank you for keeping romance alive! It sounds like this poem is deep and full of your real feelings. Ask yourself this: would you say these things to her at this point in your relationship? How do you think she would react? How old is she? Is she the artistic type that would appreciate your efforts, beyond strict ability? (as an aside, a poetic tip is that not every line needs to rhyme. Look up Adrienne Rich, and Nikky Finney. These are two of my favorites poets.) Your being abroad and her busy schedule sound like you have a potential challenge to deal with. Good luck. 1
Author Hopes Posted December 16, 2014 Author Posted December 16, 2014 Thanks for your response, and I am sorry thought I wrote it with format. I know that it doesn't have to always rhyme, but I think it sounds decent and there are rhyming poems. Does the rhyming make it seem cheesy? Like I have no idea what I am doing? (Because I don't. First poem I ever wrote) I wrote it because she seemed to be into poetry and literature. (makes me more nervous as she knows what good poetry is) I think it may be a bit heavy for our current relationship, but I feel a sense of urgency with me moving back, that I want to see if there is a connection there worth fighting to stay. I wrote it, have tucked it with a christmas card and I am meeting her tonight. I am trying to judge if I should pull the trigger on this or not. I am nervous to put my feelings out there and this may make her feel overwhelmed or something. She is 26, and I just turned 30.
most_distant_galaxy Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 That's nice, but I think it's better to keep it for later. But since you like to write, you could send her really short fun little poems (that are not romantic though) as a way to say hello, how are you, and everyday things like that. Then she will feel important but not pressured.
Author Hopes Posted December 16, 2014 Author Posted December 16, 2014 That's nice, but I think it's better to keep it for later. But since you like to write, you could send her really short fun little poems (that are not romantic though) as a way to say hello, how are you, and everyday things like that. Then she will feel important but not pressured. I am starting to think it is a bit much. Maybe I will write a toned down version.
Frank2thepoint Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 The poem is nice and romantic. But too long. Here's a succinct one I recommend sending her: "I like you. Will you go out with me?" Fin. 1
Gaeta Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Depends what kind of lady she is. A long poem like this from a man I only had a couple of dinners with would have me run in the other direction but that's me. I have a friend who feeds on that mushy stuff and can't get enough.
Author Hopes Posted December 17, 2014 Author Posted December 17, 2014 After thinking about it, and talking to two friends, I decided not to give her this poem -_- I think it is too much for our current situation and don't want to epically crash this thing. Actually, very interestingly and akin to what M_D_Galaxy wrote, one of my friends suggest I write her a few funny poems and more friendly ones first. If she likes them, and things get a bit more romantic, then I can send her this one. Although she said there were some parts she quite liked, which makes me feel cool. First poem I ever wrote and I found it hard to just share with with my close friend who knows the two of us. So I think I will rob my first paragraph and add some more friendly things to say that I am glad I have met her and that I value our relationship without being romantic about it. Then maybe I write a few funny ones or ones about things that we both have interest in. I really didn't mean for it to come out romantic, but I wrote a bunch of it drinking beer on a train and well, when I get a little drunk these feelings just came out onto the paper. Thanks everyone for the responses
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