Radiootto Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Hi everybody, I was on this forum a couple years ago. Back then I was all heartbroken over an ex. This forum definetly helped me move on, and essentially realize that it wasn't in my best interest to think about my ex. I've been on two dates with this girl I met at my CrossFit gym. We have a good time, but I'm a single guy and she is a single mother. I don't want to come off needy. How often should I text her? And is there anyone who can give me some words of wisdom?
Mangina Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 How does being a single mother affect the situation? I am not being smart I do not have much experience with single mothers.
scubasteve Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Her child will always come first before you. So if she doesn't text has much, you should know your second to her while her child is her first priotity. How do you feel about being in this child's life? 1
Donnie Darko Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Don't ever date a single mom. If you have sex with a single mom, then always wear a condom that you provide. 3
changchewsoon Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 I've dated a single mum previously I'll like to put in my thoughts. First of all, understand that their kids will always come before you, and you must never try to make them choose sides. Secondly, if this relationship is going further, ask yourself whether will you be okay accepting her kids as one of your own even if you decided to have one with her. Remember you too need to be fair to both kids as to her, they are both her kids too. My relationship with her didn't work out due to distance as she accepted a job and moved away to a different country. Not sure about the advice from the poster above me about never dating a single mum and the condom thingy LOL.......The sex was great for me.
Diezel Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Why are you trying to date someone from your gym? That could go all sorts of wrong. So: #1: Look for another gym, this one could go south and quick. #2: Their kid will ALWAYS come before you. No matter what. #3: Your opinion about their kid will most likely NOT matter. No matter how great your relationship is, you'll never be the father. What's most important here is YOU analyzing how you feel about being #2 in someone else's life, for pretty much the rest of the life. There are exceptions to the rule, but they only prove the rule. Any single mom I've dated in the past 5 years made it blatantly clear that I was not their priority, which in turn led me to not make them a priority. But to mix that in with someone you are going to see regularly at the gym? You are inviting a lot of chaos into your life. 1
Gaeta Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 How old is her child? Text her anytime you want, she will let you know when she is busy. Single moms are women just like any other women they like attention from men as much. I am seeing a single dad of 4. His kids are 16-12-6-3 and that does not keep him from texting on daily basis and calling. How many times we see each other is ruled by when his eldest is free to babysit. Ask her out and have fun. 3
todreaminblue Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 (edited) dating a single mum is like datinga woman with a job......that she loves that is hectic time consuming 24 /7...she will never leave that job or expect you to think that she would.......if you can accept her job which is raising a child or children she adores...then go for it.....single mums can get time off from work ....they just have to give notice an organise a replacement...dating a single mum is like dating a woman......with a very ingrained work ethic and a loyalty to her job ...her role in life...........deb..... Edited December 16, 2014 by todreaminblue 2
Gaeta Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Why are you trying to date someone from your gym? That could go all sorts of wrong. Don't we encourage people to go out there and meet outside dating sites! The gym is the perfect place to meet singles. #2: Their kid will ALWAYS come before you. No matter what. How is that a bad thing? I would not date someone that puts me in front of his children. #3: Your opinion about their kid will most likely NOT matter. No matter how great your relationship is, you'll never be the father.. That might be your experience but I happen to have a different one. 3
Author Radiootto Posted December 16, 2014 Author Posted December 16, 2014 Ok, thanks for the replies. Reply to some. Her son is 7, I met her at the gym because that's how it happened. Wasn't planning on meeting anyone there, but things happen and I'm happy for it. The kid is a good kid, and I have accepted to be a second priority, if you can say that, in her life. I actually embrace it, we have a common hobby, same group of friends, and it makes things more exciting to be with someone with a responsibility that isn't partying and doing stupid things all the time. It definetly can make things interesting going forward. Obviously, there is a risk for things to go sour, but eventually you have to make a risk for reward. At least that how I look at it. 1
ascendotum Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Why are you trying to date someone from your gym? That could go all sorts of wrong. #1: Look for another gym, this one could go south and quick. This certainly wouldn't deter me from asking out a woman I found attractive at my local gym. Its a good avenue (maybe not the best for some very focused hardcore gym goers) for meeting members of the opposite sex. If we broke up, I would still go to my gym. If she feels uncomfortable then she can move to another gym or change her training times. For me anyway its very easy to ignore someone at the gym by being focused, using equipment not near them or having earphones on. I doubt an ex is going to make a scene in the middle of the weight room, and most of the guys there would get chuckle and sympathize.
Gloria25 Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Look, IMO, dating people with kids gets complicated cuz the kids bond with you. IMO, if you're not gonna be in it for the long haul (marrying the mother), then I say the kids should never meet you. You should only see the parent on weekends for hamburgers like when the kids are with the other parent and/or grandparents. Not fair to put the kids through additional drama/losses. They already lost one parent. I also consider it a red flag of people with kids who just introduce their kids to each an every person they're dating - waaay before anything serious is even established. I watch certain people. Right now I'm watching one chick. Some guy comes there and spends the night, eh, maybe sticks around for breakfast and maybe lunch. Her kids see that. What is that teaching your kids? That relationships are some guy coming over for nooky and leaving in the morning? Are you telling your kids that's what you are worth? While we all have "needs", I believe you don't do things in front of your kids. Shoot, my mom lives with me and I get embarrassed to bring over a guy - IN MY OWN HOUSE. Why? in part cuz I don't wanna let my mum see me or get the idea that I'm "gettin it on" with some dude.
Omei Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Radiootto A good indication of dating a great single mom is when she gradually lets you become apart of their lives at your own pace and hers without trying to force you into a role, it should come naturally. It is true you will always come 2nd but if she likes you she will def find ways to make time for you. Single moms love attention just as any other woman as another poster said text away! One thing I should say tho is you never have a right to make comment on her parenting or how she does things with her child until you are living together and actually provide for the child in some form you don't got the right, just always be friendly when the child is around.
Omei Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 (edited) Look, IMO, dating people with kids gets complicated cuz the kids bond with you. IMO, if you're not gonna be in it for the long haul (marrying the mother), then I say the kids should never meet you. You should only see the parent on weekends for hamburgers like when the kids are with the other parent and/or grandparents. This is super unrealistic as a single mother I know any man I date isn't going to know if hes in it for the long haul for quite a while maybe years and it's perfectly okay to introduce children as "Friends" when you feel its getting serious you never actually need to be romantical around them or even tell them you're a couple until its time. Waiting to meet kids until you marry can be a total disaster, she will need to view your interactions with her child before making a choice to be together in marriage its a very key part in knowing if you will be a fit in their lives and its the same for you too you will need to find out if getting along with her children is something you can do or even want. Not fair to put the kids through additional drama/losses. They already lost one parent. Kids are extremely resilient and he said the kid was 7 mines also seven. A seven year old is already very clear who is and who not is the father/parent they don't have expectations from your partner that can only occur if the parent places them in a role then tells their child to expect that roll from them, parents that do that are unfair to their children any drama or feel of loss would be the parents fault. When my 5 year relationship ended my kid wasn't effected at all because I did it properly she understood the breakup she didn't even cry or ask for him after knowing this, she accepted the breakup when we explained we would no longer be together she knew she wasn't losing her dad because he was never given the roll of dad, kids are smarter then you think you don't get the same reaction as you would a divorce they mourn the loss of their provider/parent kids are very aware who isn't their parent. I also consider it a red flag of people with kids who just introduce their kids to each an every person they're dating - waaay before anything serious is even established. I would totally agree with this as it would make me believe that they are just trying to find someone to provide for them or fill a roll which can be so confusing. I watch certain people. Right now I'm watching one chick. Some guy comes there and spends the night, eh, maybe sticks around for breakfast and maybe lunch. Her kids see that. What is that teaching your kids? That relationships are some guy coming over for nooky and leaving in the morning? Are you telling your kids that's what you are worth? While we all have "needs", I believe you don't do things in front of your kids. Shoot, my mom lives with me and I get embarrassed to bring over a guy - IN MY OWN HOUSE. Why? in part cuz I don't wanna let my mum see me or get the idea that I'm "gettin it on" with some dude. This is a good example I only let my partners sleep over when the kids are away, they're really smart and will figure it all out really quickly if you stay over when they are there. Don't do this until you are both ready to tell the child you are partners and are very serious about staying together. Edited December 17, 2014 by Omei 2
Blakely Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 Just treat her like you would any other woman. def don't label her or make her feel as though you view her differently bc she has a child. Does she share custody with sons dad?
Author Radiootto Posted December 17, 2014 Author Posted December 17, 2014 Thanks for some good input. Much appreciated. The father left her, and is not in the equation at all. She has no idea where he is at. I have trouble right now with texting her. How often do I text. Sometimes she takes a very long time to reply, and sometimes not at all. I decided to take a couple days off from texting just to give her some space. I figure she could always reach out to me. Bad move? Seems like these 48hrs are going on forever.
Diezel Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 The father left her, and is not in the equation at all. She has no idea where he is at. Be VERY careful with this specific piece of information. How well do you know her? Because for all intents and purposes, this is what SHE is telling you. I've learned in the past to keep a watchful eye for stuff like this. You never know the reasons WHY he left her and she probably won't tell you the truth. Not exonerating the guy from fault, but after years of dating, I started realizing there would be a trend with SOME single moms and "He left me." It became clear with a few why he did. 1
Gaeta Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 Seven is a wonderful age. That little boy is fully independent, goes to school, but still lives in his little world of imagination. This lady has time to exchange on text or call. It's not like she's breastfeeding a 3 month old. When we have kids we have rush-times, mornings when we get ready to leave and right after work when we get home with the kids and it's dinner-homework-bath-bed time for the little one. By 8 pm he should be in bed and she has time to herself. I don't see the need to wait 48 hours to text. It's not like that child just landed on her lap and she is trying to manage. She's been a mom for 7 years, she is organized and she got everything under control. 3
Omei Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 Thanks for some good input. Much appreciated. The father left her, and is not in the equation at all. She has no idea where he is at. I have trouble right now with texting her. How often do I text. Sometimes she takes a very long time to reply, and sometimes not at all. I decided to take a couple days off from texting just to give her some space. I figure she could always reach out to me. Bad move? Seems like these 48hrs are going on forever. I don't think you need to take a couple days off from texting her that might give the idea you are no longer interested. Keep texting as normal respond again when she responds if shes not a quick responder you just to to accept that and be patient, some people don't look at their phones every two mins and thank god they still exist lol
Omei Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 (edited) Be VERY careful with this specific piece of information. How well do you know her? Because for all intents and purposes, this is what SHE is telling you. I've learned in the past to keep a watchful eye for stuff like this. You never know the reasons WHY he left her and she probably won't tell you the truth. Not exonerating the guy from fault, but after years of dating, I started realizing there would be a trend with SOME single moms and "He left me." It became clear with a few why he did. It doesn't matter why he left her that's not the issue he left his child completely and totally any parent who can walk away from their child is of the lesser desired, even if the girl is a little crazy or emotional whatever is wrong with her doesn't matter who's to say there is even anything wrong with her in my experience in any breakup both sides usually think its the others fault but she is the one that stepped up to the plate she is the one who cared she is the one who deserves a partner. Anyone that can just walk away from their children if they cant even love their own flesh and blood they can't love anyone else imo now the guy that left her is prob the one who lies he prob doesn't tell woman about the child because who would want to date a man that ditches his child? It is likely he is the one that needs to lie. I have no contact with my ex anymore but when I did I knew he liked to tell woman I kept the child from him stole her, when in reality he didn't so much as even call about her. It was stay with me or I leave you both. Edited December 17, 2014 by Omei
Diezel Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 It doesn't matter why he left her that's not the issue he left his child completely and totally any parent who can walk away from their child is of the lesser desired, even if the girl is a little crazy or emotional whatever is wrong with her doesn't matter who's to say there is even anything wrong with her in my experience in any breakup both sides usually think its the others fault but she is the one that stepped up to the plate she is the one who cared she is the one who deserves a partner. Anyone that can just walk away from their children if they cant even love their own flesh and blood they can't love anyone else imo now the guy that left her is prob the one who lies he prob doesn't tell woman about the child because who would want to date a man that ditches his child? It is likely he is the one that needs to lie. One question: How do you know he really left his child completely?
Blakely Posted December 18, 2014 Posted December 18, 2014 80% of time, you shouldn't text to have long drawn out conversations. just text her little things like 'hope you're having a great day (;' 'Good morning' Or things that don't really require an answer. lots of time people don't have the time to dedicate to texts that are going to go on and on... Maybe try calling her in the evenings, like after her son's in bed, just to chit chat and catch up with each other.
Author Radiootto Posted December 19, 2014 Author Posted December 19, 2014 Yea, thanks for all the input again. Things actually ended today. I asked her out and told her I was free the following days of the week. She never responded until this morning saying that she isn't ready to date. I have dated quite a few women since I've been single these last couple years. It wasn't my first rodeo hearing it through text. She pretty much said she has been overwhelmed lately being a single mom takes up all her time. And she said that she doesn't think she has enough time for dating right now.
Gaeta Posted December 19, 2014 Posted December 19, 2014 Yea, thanks for all the input again. Things actually ended today. I asked her out and told her I was free the following days of the week. She never responded until this morning saying that she isn't ready to date. I have dated quite a few women since I've been single these last couple years. It wasn't my first rodeo hearing it through text. She pretty much said she has been overwhelmed lately being a single mom takes up all her time. And she said that she doesn't think she has enough time for dating right now. I am very sorry. You know being a single mom is an excuse right, she was just not feeling you as much as you felt her. She is still mourning another man or in a few weeks you'll see her holding hands with a new guy. What ever it is, it sucks, sorry.
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