saz123 Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Hi So my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. I'm writing this post because the weirdest thing happened today. Ever since 8/9 months into the relationship we said how we loved each other. We love each other's company, how much fun we have together. Gonna cut to the chase here but 2 weeks ago he said to me "I love you, I really really do". But tonight I said to him that I loved him and he said I love you too but you know what we've always said, it doesn't mean you love me, you just love having me around. We're not getting married. Erm what? Marriage? Nobody said anything about marriage. He also said how he thinks nobody truely loves a person until they've been with them for 20+ years. This may be true but I really do think girls and guys (sometimes) have a completely different opinion of what love really is. every couple will define love differently too. My boyfriend is scared of commitment... He said to me that he doesn't want me to scare him away. Believe me Im not very affectionate at all and I usually only say I love you when he says it first. I just don't get it. Random cold feet even after 2 years. What's your definition of love?
Gloria25 Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Per my fav podcaster, love is "awe, admiration, and respect". I think many people use ILY cuz of infatuation, emotions, lust, etc. - pretty much nothing to do with "awe, admiration, and respect". Also, to gain "awe, admiration, and respect" for someone takes time. I give it at least two years of dating (not working together, being friends, and/or shacking up). 1
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 (edited) Is this the same guy who dumped you just a month ago, told you to grow up and called you "bub"? Context aside, he has no business telling you what you do or don't feel. It's incredibly condescending and disrespectful. It's also disrespectful to imply that when he says "I love you" he's really just saying "I love having you around". But at least he's told you your relationship isn't going to last, so...bonus points for honesty? Sorry, he sounds like an absolute monster, and it's hard to see past that. To answer your question: I think that most adults take the words pretty seriously. "I love you" means you have a wealth of affection for someone exactly as they are, flaws and all. It's a steady, gentle but deep kind of caring; you want to be with them even when they're throwing up from stomach flu or being annoying at Home Depot. You care for them even when you want to strangle them. You just love them as they are. I hope you find someone who isn't dismissive of your feelings and truly cares for you. Edited December 16, 2014 by chimpanA-2-chimpanZ
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