towardthefuture Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 So my ex broke up with me, totally out of the blue. I read some about it, I'm pretty much getting over it and getting on with my life. Haven't talked to her in a while. But I'm left with this lingering question: did she cheat on me and then leave to shack up with some other dude? I read about 'overlappers' and the nature of our breakout totally seems like that kind of a situation. She's codependent, said 'I haven't been happy for a while', went NC and got cold SUPER fast, and some other stuff happened in our relationship that made me suspicious (but I might have just been paranoid). My gut is telling me that's what happened. There's no sure thing. Should I try to find out by asking one of her friends or......... something? I could ask her but she would NEVER admit to it, just deny, and I don't trust her. The reason I want to know is I know it will affect how I feel. If she broke up and the reasons were face value and she's taking some time, I'll feel one way. If she cheated on me and dumped me to 'trade up', I'll feel a different way. I don't want to be wondering, "Was she a good girl and I messed it up?" or "Was she a huge scumbag and treated me like trash?"
Light Breeze Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Something slightly similar happened to me. Frankly, I'm at the point where I don't care anymore. She left and 2 weeks after is with another man, period. I don't care anymore if she was seeing him while we were together. But, its different for everybody. If it gives you peace of mind then go ahead. Otherwise, I think it will only hurt you more, whatever you discover. 2
Author towardthefuture Posted December 16, 2014 Author Posted December 16, 2014 Something slightly similar happened to me. Frankly, I'm at the point where I don't care anymore. She left and 2 weeks after is with another man, period. I don't care anymore if she was seeing him while we were together. But, its different for everybody. If it gives you peace of mind then go ahead. Otherwise, I think it will only hurt you more, whatever you discover. How did you find out she's with someone? I blocked the social media, went no contact, and we don't have 'mutual friends', just 'her friends' and 'my friends', and if I asked directly she (most likely) wouldn't answer at all, or if she did she'd just deny it.
coolheadal Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Both of you need to move on and forget them. They have broken and betrayed whatever trust you had for them! Just working up so much emotion for people really don't care about you and what you had meant to them. Yes, it going to be hard but you both here will be stronger and move on! Really there are better people out there that would appreciate you both! 2
Light Breeze Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 How did you find out she's with someone? I blocked the social media, went no contact, and we don't have 'mutual friends', just 'her friends' and 'my friends', and if I asked directly she (most likely) wouldn't answer at all, or if she did she'd just deny it. Because she told me she got reconnected with this past colleague and it was "fate". I was in shock because she only left me 2 weeks prior and it was a 7 year serious relationship (not the on and off kind). I didn't believe how fast she moved on. I was confused and found LS and asked for advice. Got my eyes opened. You'd be surprise how common my story is in here. Most of them found out their partners were cheating. So, to answer your question I don't really know if she cheated but I don't care anymore. She left and is with another. My advice to you is just leave it alone. In time you just get tired of caring anymore. Like me I just want to heal and move on. 1
EgoJoe Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 (edited) Cheaters rarely trade up and if so not for long. My ex traded down to someone without self respect.If you spot suspicious behavior dump them on the spot in the future. The speed at which they move on is the best proof. Edited December 16, 2014 by EgoJoe 3
Ieris Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Trust your guy feeling, there's no smoke without fire. You don't need hard proof or hear her say it (she'll probably lie to your face anyway) so just accept it and move on. Never mind if she is trading up or down. You need to trade up! Don't waste another second on her x 1
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