unsafe Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 I have been dating a lawyer for about 4 months now. I work with him. I am his secretary. The first month and a half was great but then he started to push me away. He appologized and said he has a hart time showing his feelings. And he was comfortable with telling me how he really felt about me. I gave him another chance. and for the past three months things were great. He has a little temper but just a little anger thing not physical. We talked about it and he stopped. But he told me way before we dated that he was an emotional retard. When he asked me out he told me that he thinks we would be great together becauseI am so emotional I would bring it out in him. Well the past month hasn't been so great. He is just pretty much just there. Not to much feeling or anything going on. And the moment I feel like we are growing closer something stops it and we start right back at the begining like right now. The past weekend I was upset because we had plans he texted me that he had a friends party to go to but didn't even invite me until I said so we aren't doing dinner Friday night? Then he was like well let me see what we are doing and then you can maybe come along. I was like hell No! thanks but no thanks. you know! When I told him I was upset he didn't get it. He was like what...but my friends b-day is more important Now I am not upset he wanted to change plans and go celebrate but why couldn't I come? he knew he has plans with me first. his friend isn't that good of a friend and it was so last minute. His birthday was Friday and my guy was telling me this late Thursday afternoon. Anyway since this I tired to let it go and move on from it. I let him know I didn't appriciate it. I didn't go to the party. And so I felt I made my point. But he has been so cold. No emotion. Barely talking to me. Not really being sweet or nice or friendly. Just like blah! Is this normal are most men just not emotional? he warned me but he also told me that he wanted me to bring it out in him because that is why he is divorced. He was married for about 18 months. She left I am not sure why exactly but I know that emotional stuff was a big part. So when I bring up that things seem not so good he tells me I anaylize things to much. And everything is fine. But if I don't feel fine then its not right? I need help advice from someone who is like this or has delt with his type iof situtation. Shoudl I get out now. Or give it time. I know I don't want ot change him. But he was the one that wanted to change. So I hate to jump up and leave him if he really wants to try but everytime I try he shuts me down? If you can help let me know please. Thanks you so much.
missopinionated Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 might be normal for this person or, more likely, he isn't that in to you. More important question: why are you hanging around this guy? The relationship doesn't sound that wonderful, he's not that in to you, so why are you sticking it out? Besides, you work with this guy. This will FOR SURE end up with someone leaving theri job and guess what? It won't be him, because he's the lawyer and you're the secretary. I'd be getting out of this right quick!
life loser Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 some men are as emotional as a brick wall, but understand that men are brought up to be expected to go to war and kill another human being just because their president told them to, so don't be too hard on men being emotionally challenged. however, if he is not opening up with you, find seomone else who will - you have a right to having your emotional needs met... good luck
missopinionated Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 Y'know, that's a huge stereotype. Very few men are specifically brought up to go to war and kill people. I'm taking it you're a bit angry at a specific man or a couple of men at the moment, but it is not rational to apply your stereotype to "all" men. I have a whole slew of excellent male friends and a wonderful male spouse. None of them is being incited to war by anyone. The problem with men and women, where it comes to relationships, is that we all have taken less than we deserve. It isn't that men are brick walls, but that they, like most humans, won't display a ton of emotion for someone they're not interested in. This is not to say such a man won't sleep with someone they're not interested in. Most men are up for a romp wether or not they like you. But only a time or two. After that, they become all distant or they quit calling. The deal is to be a smart woman and not stick around waiting for a guy to suddenly be interested. It isn't their fault if you hang around waiting by the phone! Oh, and waiting around for someone else to fill your emotional needs is just dumb. Fill your own needs. Much more fulfilling!
gwennebe Posted March 23, 2005 Posted March 23, 2005 Read "Why Men Love Bitches" It will give you all of the answers. It is so true and it works. I have my ex "FWB" eating out of my hand now because I followed the advice the book gave. Not saying it is true for all guys but the majority and he sounds like the majority. Good Luck
Author unsafe Posted March 24, 2005 Author Posted March 24, 2005 I asked him if he just wansn't that into me. He looked at me and said you are over analyzing again. I said just wait, talk to me. I said are you happy being with me? He said yeah, I guess. I was like YOu GUESS!? he said well you drive me nuts cause you over analyze all the time. I said well if I drive you nuts why are you with me. And he didn't really have an answer. That was it. I didn't need anymore. I just don't understand why he stays with me if he isn't happy or whatever?
gwennebe Posted March 24, 2005 Posted March 24, 2005 I do not think you are over anyalyzing anything. That is probably and excuse he is giving you to put the blame back on you. I think you should try distancing youself from him. Give him time to think about if he is doing the right thing or not. Don't worry if he's happy worry about yourself. Are you happy? Be happy without him. Let him know you are happy without him and watch him do a 180. Just don't tell him you are happy with yourself, show him. Make plans by yourself or some friends and if he calls to go out or hang out just say sorry buddy I already made plans, don't tell him what you are doing just say you are going out with the girls. Then tell him you'd be more than happy to schedule a date if he has any convenient times in the next week. He'll spend all weekend thinking about you because he thinks he has you figured out "The typical needy girl" and you are showing him he is wrong. Good Luck Girl!!!
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