ponchsox Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 I've been single for over a year and while I've dated, I haven't been able to be myself and connect with a woman because my ex GF who basically admitted she string me along for 1.5 years totally messed me up. When I go on new dates, I'm too cautious and feel like something good is too good to be true and I'll get burned again. Has anyone else delt with this and how did you get through it?
Storybook Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 Sure. I'm a little wiser and cautious after every relationship. Sometimes you just need to shut the brain off for a while and dive right in, otherwise you'll be miserable forever. 2
Gloria25 Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 Sure. I'm a little wiser and cautious after every relationship. Sometimes you just need to shut the brain off for a while and dive right in, otherwise you'll be miserable forever. I agree, but not with the "dive" part. When you "dive" make sure there's water in the pool. I mean, you can shelter yourself and never date again - or you can proceed with caution. I mean, it won't happen over night, and yes, the only way you can cure yourself is to actually date. You have to go and face people, pay attention, and put into practice what you learned. Unfortunately that takes being vulnerable and/or "trusting" people. I suggested this recently - which is to have sort of a dating "wingman", like a AA sponsor. Someone you can bounce off things with. So, if they see red flags and you're ignoring them, they can reel you back in - until you get the confidence to trust yourself not to get tricked again. 1
littleblackheart Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 Has anyone else delt with this? Yes. how did you get through it? By not dating until you're fully over your ex which, going by the thread title alone, hasn't happened yet. Dating again soon after a breakup is a natural reaction no doubt, but if you're not truly open to experiencing another heartbreak (which is the risk you take by embarking on a new relationship), you're making it difficult for you to fully invest in the process, and impossible for her to get to know you. Time is a good healer, or so I'm told... 2
elco Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 I have personally been in pretty much the exact same situation give or take a few more horrendous things my ex did to me. I think what you need to understand is that you really need to be totally selfish for awhile and focus all your time and energy on you. You can't be ready to enter a relationship let alone date if you are still hurt/jaded by your relationship with another person. speaking from experience trying to get over this will take a while (heck its been 3 years since my ex and I'm still hurt, mad, angry and disconnected at times because of the experience!) however the one thing that did help me when it was time to start diving back into dating was the fact that I had to learn/tell my self that just because your ex did something like that does not mean everyone else will. I could be wrong here but perhaps you subconsciously compare other people you see and date to your ex and there for have the pre conceived expectation that they will hurt you too. Long story short you need to be able to recognize that the people you date from here on in are not your ex and that if you do give a new relationship a chance you maybe be pleasantly surprised by what that person has to offer you
autumnnight Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 Here's a more accurate statement: Yiur girlfriend displayed crap character and hurt you terribly. Youbhave chosen to become bitter and jaded rather than do the work to heal.
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