1980alence Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 I've been on three dates with this girl, and they've all gone quite well. It seems like we're both quite attracted to each other, and we have a good bit in common. On each date we spent more time making out than the last - and we're definitely compatible in that department as far as I can tell. She's leaving in a few days to spend three weeks with her family on the other side of the country, and I'm wondering what's appropriate action here? It seems like a long time to not have contact with someone you're just getting to know, but it feels weird to bother her on vacation since we've really only gone on a few dates and have no real status, exclusivity, or even a promise for the fourth date. I'm sure I can play it cool and just tell her to have fun and that I'd like to see her when she gets back, but does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks! Alence
mitzimojo1 Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 Texting is THE way to maintain a connection far away without being too invasive during her time with her family. She can respond to your texts when she has time and you can return in kind. If she is feeling the same as you about this developing relationship then I am sure that she will want to stay in touch too. If she doesn't reply to your texts then she isn't interested in communicating. You could always ask her before she goes if you can keep in touch, if you feel more comfortable with that... 1
Author 1980alence Posted December 15, 2014 Author Posted December 15, 2014 Texting is THE way to maintain a connection far away without being too invasive during her time with her family. She can respond to your texts when she has time and you can return in kind. If she is feeling the same as you about this developing relationship then I am sure that she will want to stay in touch too. If she doesn't reply to your texts then she isn't interested in communicating. You could always ask her before she goes if you can keep in touch, if you feel more comfortable with that... Sounds like good advice, thanks! We have been texting some, although not a huge amount. She did text me the other day out of the blue when something good happened to her at work, which was a good sign, and she responded eventually to the few texts I sent her randomly as well. If she doesn't reach out in a few days after she gets home, I suppose I might ask if she had a nice flight and how her family is doing.
Frank2thepoint Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 Simply send her a text to have a safe trip and a great time with her family. Then don't text her. Leave it to her to reach out to you first during her vacation. Let her set the pace at this crucial time.
Author 1980alence Posted December 15, 2014 Author Posted December 15, 2014 Simply send her a text to have a safe trip and a great time with her family. Then don't text her. Leave it to her to reach out to you first during her vacation. Let her set the pace at this crucial time. My concern with this is that I've been playing the role of the 'man' here, initiating conversations and planning dates. It seems like she's a bit shy when it comes to reaching out (although she did the once). I'm worried that, since I've set the precedent of reaching out now and then, not contacting her for several weeks might be interpreted as a lack of interest on my part. I've also read on here that many women expect the man to initiate and pursue. I agree that anything other than minimal, casual, occasional contact would be innapropriate here (we're talking I might reach out a few times to say hello, then merry christmas, then happy new year), but I'm scared to do absolutely nothing based on the situation. Thoughts?
central Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 Respond if she contacts you while away otherwise tell her you look forward to seeing her when she returns. While she's away, meet other women if you have prospects. You're not exclusive or a couple yet, so you are free to see if someone else is a better match. If no one is, you can proceed with more confidence when she returns. 1
losangelena Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 Tell her you'd like to hear from her while she's gone. If you've been initiating but would like her to initiate while she's gone, it's best to communicate that in some way, otherwise she won't be aware of the switch. 1
Author 1980alence Posted December 15, 2014 Author Posted December 15, 2014 Respond if she contacts you while away otherwise tell her you look forward to seeing her when she returns. While she's away, meet other women if you have prospects. You're not exclusive or a couple yet, so you are free to see if someone else is a better match. If no one is, you can proceed with more confidence when she returns. Thanks for weighing in, Central. I am still meeting and dating other women at this point, but I will say that I'm hoping this one works out. 1
Frank2thepoint Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 At some point you have to give her a chance to initiate and reach out to you. If you set a precedent, then she will expect it at all times. Eventually you will get burnt out, and not really know if she thinks about you when apart. 1
d0nnivain Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 While I'm usually against texting, there are three you can safely send during the 3 weeks she's away. 1. Merry Christmas sent on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. 2. Happy New Year! again on the eve or the day If you want & it's on New Year's Day you can add -- call me if you feel like it; I'm just watching football. 3 The day before she leaves to come back to where you are: Safe Travels! I'll call you when you get back. Again, as has been said, if she reaches out or calls, by all means talk to her. 1
Eighty_nine Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 My concern with this is that I've been playing the role of the 'man' here, initiating conversations and planning dates. It seems like she's a bit shy when it comes to reaching out (although she did the once). I'm worried that, since I've set the precedent of reaching out now and then, not contacting her for several weeks might be interpreted as a lack of interest on my part. I've also read on here that many women expect the man to initiate and pursue. I agree that anything other than minimal, casual, occasional contact would be innapropriate here (we're talking I might reach out a few times to say hello, then merry christmas, then happy new year), but I'm scared to do absolutely nothing based on the situation. Thoughts? I would interpret that as not interested or marginally interested, yes. Actually the guy I'm dating didn't text me at all the day after thxgiving, even though we usually talk daily and I asked about it and he said "you were with your family, I didn't want to be 'that guy'". So I understand where you're coming from, but a text is not that intrusive. Especially if she's used to hearing from you, I would definitely text her a few times during those 3 weeks. That's not too much at all. 1
sillyanswer Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 I'm sure I can play it cool and just tell her to have fun and that I'd like to see her when she gets back, but does anyone have any suggestions? Talk to her and ask about how the two of you can keep in touch while she's gone. 2
jjtr Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 I was in a similar situation over the summer when I first started dating my girlfriend. We had two dates, which went very well, and then both of us were going on vacation. She was gone one week, I was gone the next. Much like you, I was worried that it would mess things up. I told her not to be a stranger while she was gone and to stay in contact. Long story short, she texted me every day she was on vacation and I did the same while I was gone. Sounds corny, but I knew we had something after that. My point is, just tell her you'd like to stay in touch and then, while she's gone, send her the occasional text (if she doesn't start it up first). You might be surprised! 2
Author 1980alence Posted December 16, 2014 Author Posted December 16, 2014 Thanks for the thoughtful replies everyone
mortensorchid Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Texting, IM, Skype, Facebook, email, etc.
Gottabestrong Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 I would text her on the first day she gets there, something like: 'Hope you had a good trip. Have a great time with your family!' and from her reaction you can gauge when/whether you should text again. Definitely text her for each of the holidays. My boyfriend and I had one date before I went on a 3 week holiday last year during this time, and he texted me about once a week and on the holidays. I appreciated both. Then in January, after I had come back and we had two more dates, he went on a skiing trip and to my surprise he sent me one text every evening. I did not expect that, especially since he was abroad and we had not been an established couple yet. But I saw this as a definite sign that he was interested in something serious and was very happy about it. Basically, my advice is to do whatever feel right for you. If she likes you, she will definitely appreciate the texts.
Author 1980alence Posted December 16, 2014 Author Posted December 16, 2014 I would text her on the first day she gets there, something like: 'Hope you had a good trip. Have a great time with your family!' and from her reaction you can gauge when/whether you should text again. Definitely text her for each of the holidays. My boyfriend and I had one date before I went on a 3 week holiday last year during this time, and he texted me about once a week and on the holidays. I appreciated both. Then in January, after I had come back and we had two more dates, he went on a skiing trip and to my surprise he sent me one text every evening. I did not expect that, especially since he was abroad and we had not been an established couple yet. But I saw this as a definite sign that he was interested in something serious and was very happy about it. Basically, my advice is to do whatever feel right for you. If she likes you, she will definitely appreciate the texts. Thanks for sharing your story! Sounds like your bf is pretty thoughtful. I'm guessing if she really is into me (seems to be), then I'm probably safe as long as I don't overdo it and freak her out .
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