spanishchick00 Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 Am I too picky for wanting a guy with a college degree? Awhile back, I had a good date with this guy. He was 26, and only worked part time-3 days a week as some tech support company. And he also said he owned a business on the side. He told me that he brought a house, not in a very good location. And that we took classes at community college and dropped out. I don't know, he seems well rounded, but the fact that he didn't go to college at all, turned me off. 1
Gaeta Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 No Being a hard worker, reliable, resourceful, devoted to making a good living prime over having a college degree. I know many people with college degrees, BA and Masters that are lazy and unreliable. As for your guy I would be bothered about him only working 3 days a week, also about that 'on the side' company. It would need to be something with growth potential and not some project full of air. 3
Frank2thepoint Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 Some people want a college degree in their partners, some don't care. If the person you are interested in is smart, social, successful, and passionate, I don't see how a simple piece of paper designated as a degree really changes much about their appeal. 1
J21 Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 Everyone has their deal breakers. It's what you want. He can always change his mind and get a degree later, but if he doesn't, you gotta ask yourself if it'll chip away at you eventually.
acrosstheuniverse Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 Not really, I wouldn't NOT date someone because they didn't go to uni. However, I only (so far) seem to be compatible with guys who do have a college degree or higher. Or at least, with one ex, who had been to uni and had that experience, were smart enough to get in, but who dropped out for whatever reason. When I've tried to date guys who never went to uni who do manual labour or other skilled jobs (mechanic, plumber whatever) it just hasn't worked, intellectually we've been on totally different plains. Not saying I'm smarter (one guy had an amazing business and was raking in tonnes of cash without a college degree, he certainly had smart business acumen and determination which is attractive.. but on the other hand his vocabulary was so poor I had to patiently explain words like 'anorexia' to him :\), just that we've had different interests, wanted to talk about different things, and just never met in the middle. I'm also not compatible with guys who aren't into music, guys who are religious, or guys who are MASSIVELY into sport or fitness at the expense of everything else. It's not that I think I'm better or smarter than them. Just different wavelengths. Similar issue with the college stuff. With the right guy, it's not something I'd logically sack him off for. But that guy is a guy I've never come across.
Leegh Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 It wouldn't bother me, as I have known several people who have completed graduate school and they are rude, selfish, narcissistic, etc. Regarding your situation, as another post said, he can always go back to school. Speaking for myself, I would go out with a guy who did not have a college education, unless there were other things about him that turned me off.
FitChick Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 I've dated men who either never went or who dropped out of college to start their own businesses. They were very successful. They never stopped learning. One was a history buff and read nonstop and probably could write a few books himself. The other loved the arts, went to the opera, loved museums of all kinds. Both were open to seeing and doing new things, traveling abroad. Someone with a degree who didn't like any of the above or who was a job slacker would not appeal to me. So ultimately it depends on the person. 1
d0nnivain Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 Deal breaker . . .no but it is / was a factor. I'm well educated. I also love a rousing debate. If the people I dated weren't quick enough to keep up, they didn't last long. As long as you are bright & sharp, the degree didn't mean as much. When we married DH was still 2 years away from finishing his undergrad degree. 1
Danda Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 Well my subjective perspective is that when I graduated from high school I couldn't afford a college degree, and I was terrified of going into debt. So I went right into the workforce to start saving up money. Then had a really rough patch in life. Didn't wind up doing the college thing until years later, and even then I still couldn't afford full-on college, just did a CNA program at a community college. So it might be due to my personal background in this regard that I'm not quick to judge someone who doesn't have a degree, since I don't have one, either, and it wasn't because I was lazy or naive or anything like that. Sometimes it's like that, though. Guess bottom line is hearing their story on how they're approaching life and their goal of sustainable independence.
Diezel Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 So you're telling me that a guy who graduated with a college degree in Sociology from a low level college has a better chance at dating you than a guy who worked his way up the corporate ladder from the get-go and demonstrated passion and ambition to overcome the fact that he doesn't have a degree? It's not a dealbreaker to me, but I look at the overall qualities of that person. I know many people who have a bachelor's and a Master's and have done nothing with them.
KatZee Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 It is a deal breaker for me. The only guys I've met with no college degree have worked pretty menial jobs and when having conversations they could not differentiate between: they're, their, there. Or you're, your. Or too, to. As an editor this makes me cringe. I have never met a guy high up on some corporate ladder or someone so very successful with just a high school diploma or a GED. Back in the day it was common for someone to become an apprentice and knock down all the doors with no degree, but that's almost impossible today. Of course there are some people who have gotten very lucky, or have worked very hard to overcome their lack of degree, but for me personally, the people I've met who have that drive, and that passion in life to succeed, did not end their education in high school. I also completed schooling up through my master's degree. I notice a very huge difference between college educated people, and those with GED's or high school diplomas when having conversations. When I think of how much work I've put in to get where I am? I feel like I'm cheating myself when I'm struggling to look past a man who's saying, "I think your so great. I like you to." The unemployment rates are disgusting. Even those with college degrees are competing for waiter/waitress gigs. When I look for a long term partner, I also look for stability. What happens if/when the job a guy with no degree has, suddenly tanks? Then what? Someone with experience and a degree will be chosen over a guy with no degree and experience, UNLESS of course that person has phenomenal connections. I knew a guy like this at my previous job. He dropped out of college due to laziness and being uninterested in completing schooling. We all wound up laid off due to a shift in management. I had a new job within 6 months, he was still sitting on unemployment 9+ months in, going on interview after interview and wondering why he couldn't get a job. Eventually, he did get a job. He was laid off very shortly there after. And he was let go from the next job as well. Companies that were employing him weren't particularly stable and from what I know at this point, he's still unemployed (2 years later) and is just doing various temp jobs to keep money coming in. It's your own personal preference. Why do you feel bad about wanting a partner to have a college education? For some people, this isn't an issue. For others, it is. Don't compromise what you want in a partner just because you are turned off by a lack of degree, and someone is making you feel bad about it. People want what they inherently want.
KatZee Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 When I've tried to date guys who never went to uni who do manual labour or other skilled jobs (mechanic, plumber whatever) it just hasn't worked, intellectually we've been on totally different plains. Not saying I'm smarter... but on the other hand his vocabulary was so poor I had to patiently explain words like 'anorexia' to him. This has been my personal experience as well. It's just a very vast difference between college educated people and non college educated.
stillmind Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 (edited) My husband was degree-less but a skilled, well-paid craftsman prior to the economic crunch. Openings in his industry plummeted during the recession. When I started dating him he was unemployed, and when I married him he worked unloading trucks at Toys R Us. It wasn't a problem for me because he was intelligent, driven, goal oriented, dedicated and optimistic... The kind of traits that lead to success no matter what you're doing. He's since gotten a degree and switched into an entirely new field, where he's building quite a nice (and MUCH more stable) career. I don't think a college degree is anywhere near as important as the willingness to work hard and seek new opportunities. Edited December 16, 2014 by stillmind typo 1
KatZee Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 It wasn't a problem for me because he was intelligent, driven, goal oriented, dedicated and optimistic... The kind of traits that lead to success no matter what you're doing. He's since gotten a degree and switched into an entirely new field, where he's building quite a nice (and MUCH more stable) career. I don't think a college degree is anywhere near as important as the willingness to work hard and seek new opportunities. But I do see the correlation between being intelligent, driven, goal oriented, dedicated AND a college degree. Which kind of reinforces my point. People who are this motivated, driven, etc., rarely just stop at high school, especially if they know they want to establish a career. I stay away from guys who have ended their education at high school, talk poorly about their schooling experiences, and who are resigned to working manual labor for the rest of their lives.
BikerAccnt Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 No, I've known some college educated people who were dumber than a rock and lacked an ounce of common sense or what was needed to survive in the real world. On the other hand, I've known non-college educated people who were the same. A college degree means nothing to me dating wise. Besides, now that everyone is getting one, and almost anyone can get into college, they aren't any more valuable a determination of intelligence than a high school diploma.
BikerAccnt Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 But I do see the correlation between being intelligent, driven, goal oriented, dedicated AND a college degree. Which kind of reinforces my point. People who are this motivated, driven, etc., rarely just stop at high school, especially if they know they want to establish a career. I stay away from guys who have ended their education at high school, talk poorly about their schooling experiences, and who are resigned to working manual labor for the rest of their lives. Really? Really? Who you gonna call when you have a break-in? A fire? Pipe Burst, Car breakdown? Your attorney? Accountant? Stock Broker? You are leaving out an entire class of very able professionals out of your dating pool. Not every manual labor job is unskilled. And those mentioned above, are pretty well compensated too. Oh and lets see. Bill Gates, Steve Jobs,...driven, motivated...no degree...hmmm 2
most_distant_galaxy Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 No.. There are many people without degrees that are self-taught and driven. 1
KatZee Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Really? Really? Who you gonna call when you have a break-in? A fire? Pipe Burst, Car breakdown? Your attorney? Accountant? Stock Broker? You are leaving out an entire class of very able professionals out of your dating pool. Not every manual labor job is unskilled. And those mentioned above, are pretty well compensated too. Oh and lets see. Bill Gates, Steve Jobs,...driven, motivated...no degree...hmmm Ummm. I most certainly am not calling a garbage man if I have a break in. That would be the police department, and it's required, at least where I am to have college credit to become an officer. I also never said anywhere that manual labor people are "unskilled." I also never said people NEVER get any where without a college degree. Perhaps you should go back and read my first post where I say: "Of course there are some people who have gotten very lucky, or have worked very hard to overcome their lack of degree, but for me personally, the people I've met who have that drive, and that passion in life to succeed, did not end their education in high school." This comment is specifically for people like Bill Gates or Steve Jobs. But lets be real here. How many "Bill Gates'" or "Steve Jobs'" are there in the world? It's not really a common occurrence. And I'm not quite sure of your point regarding "who would I call?" Of course there are people in all sorts of professions. But as I've already stated, my experiences trying to date these people did not go over well. They may be very skilled in their labor but when it comes down to having an intellectual debate? Very often, these attributes are lacking. I'm also not quite sure why you're all up in arms about who I CHOOSE to date. Me eliminating an entire pool of people as you say, is my choice. I am looking for what I'm looking for. Why are you trying to condemn that? You choose who you want to date, and I'll choose who I want to date. Very easy.
BikerAccnt Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Kat, it's not who you choose to date, it's how you said it. You can date who you want, but saying things, as you have throughout this post, equating non-college educated with a lack of drive and intelligence, is just belittling. I don't really care who you date, as a college educated man myself (from an early generation), someone who thought so lightly of the "un-educated" only goes to confirm a lot of what I think is wrong with colleges today.
BikerAccnt Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 Ummm. I most certainly am not calling a garbage man if I have a break in. That would be the police department, and it's required, at least where I am to have college credit to become an officer. . This quote actually goes back to something I said earlier. Now that every job requires a college degree (do you really need one to become a police officer, a fireman, etc...) they don't mean as much as they used too. It's becoming the standard, just like a high school diploma used to me.
elaine567 Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 I think dating is about someone you have a connection with and although I am a great believer in not ignoring red flags, then I feel some "deal breakers" like not having a college degree, may not be necessarily be followed to the letter. It all depends on the person, really and whether they are a fit for you. There is no point in dating a nuclear physicist - college degree - if he bores you rigid, is there?
isisisweeping Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 When I've tried to date guys who never went to uni who do manual labour or other skilled jobs (mechanic, plumber whatever) it just hasn't worked, intellectually we've been on totally different plains. I have not noticed people with college degrees or without being on different planes of existence in the slightest. I have no college degree yet myself, however. My ex likewise does not but has a professional job in the tech sector making a solid six figures and a genius IQ. My current beau has several advanced degrees, makes slightly less money, but again is incredibly intelligent, logical, and creative. I would not date somebody who was not intelligent and articulate. Whether they have a piece of paper is irrelevant. I've met such intelligent people on either side of that, and such idiotic people as well. If a person has a degree but is immersed in vacuous drivel and cannot entertain an original thought, it interests me none. I do not care about money in general so earning potential has only slight draw to me. Because I have not seen a strong correlation between degrees and intellects, I do not consider them at all --- as a positive or a negative. 3
Mirages Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 A century ago a degree was for the genuinely brainy person, it was a difficult process, limited to few. Currently in the developed world, a degree of some sort can be earned by perhaps 70% of people, and perhaps 40% actually go that route. I learned very little from college, but I read a lot, sometimes hours a day in various topics. Put it this way, my degree does not hang on the wall in the office... My medals do however. Did an interesting experiment: get on OLD, search for "High school" candidates. You get perhaps ~20 listings, then search for "Associates degree" and all higher levels, you get ~200 listings. I assume there are some people there hallucinating degrees? I know in my region only about 35% of people have a degree.
central Posted December 16, 2014 Posted December 16, 2014 A degree is a plus, but not essential, IMO. It does matter to me that they have a career doing something that is both enjoyable (so they will stick with it) and sufficiently lucrative to live on. More important is an inquisitive mind, basic intellect, pragmatic attitudes, and perseverance in accomplishing goals. Some opportunities and employers require a degree, so if that's their dream job or career goal, they do need to have the right credentials.
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