Should I send one last text to girl who disappeared?

[xyz1234]

I recently went on 3 dates with a girl I met online, and although I thought they all went really well I now haven't heard from her in 10 days. I'm really into this girl, and although I really have no shortage of girls who want to date me at the moment (no idea why haha) it's really rare that I like a girl as much as I like this one.

 

So here's the situation. The third date was right before Thanksgiving weekend, so I didn't rush to set up another date since she was going to her parents house a couple hours away for the 4 day weekend. Plus, we had just been on dates two days in a row. Over that weekend we were still on great terms, talked a lot, and she initiated conversation a good amount so she seemed pretty interested still. She also added me on Snapchat during this time and sent me snaps sometimes. Once she got back, after a few days I asked her out and she said yes but that she was really busy that week so it would have to be the following week. She works lots of double shifts so I don't think she was lying or anything, and I told her to let me know when she knows her hours for the following week and we could plan something.

 

Texting kind of slowed down at that point, but I figured it was because she was busy and I didn't want to bug her too much. She was still initiating conversation, mostly after she got done with work around 8pm after working like 11 hours so the conversations were usually pretty brief. The last time I heard from her was the Friday before last, and she initiated texting.

 

I didn't text her over that weekend because I knew she was working all day Saturday and was staying at a friends place kind of far away Saturday night and Sunday. When Monday came around I texted and asked how her day off was and she didn't respond. I waited until Wednesday and texted again, asking when she's free to hang out (I would have asked this on Monday if we had actually had a conversation). No response.

 

I just don't get it, everything seemed to be going well and she made it seem like she was still interested. There are a couple odd things I can think of that could have turned her off, but I don't know for sure. For one, I noticed that she kept disabling and re-enabling her online dating account, so I started to wonder if she was checking on me to see if I had disabled mine (I didn't). Hers is also open at the moment so it doesn't appear she found someone else and ditched me for him. I also didn't add her on Facebook, which I guess could make it look like I'm trying to hide her from other dates or something? Who knows.

 

The whole thing is just really weird because she is a very blunt and honest person who isn't afraid to speak her mind (I've seen her do it with cabbies, waitresses, etc), so I really thought she would at least tell me if she were no longer interested. I think I've been a good guy and deserve that.

 

Any suggestions on what I should say? I really don't want to lose this girl if the problem is just that she doesn't think I'm interested in her enough or something dumb like that.

[DivorcedDad123]

No, you sent her TWO texts with no response. Save your dignity and let it go.

[Toodaloo]

NO.

 

You may think its "blunt and upfront but it could just be that she is simply damned rude.

[d0nnivain]

OLD + 2 non-responses, if the 3rd time is the charm in the sense that you will stop trying fine but otherwise, why waste the minutes?

[xyz1234]

OLD + 2 non-responses, if the 3rd time is the charm in the sense that you will stop trying fine but otherwise, why waste the minutes?

 

Yeah, the 3rd time is the charm in the sense that I will stop trying. I realized after I was done typing that I totally do want to send one last message, now it's just figuring out what to say without sounding desperate...

 

I just want to get the point across that I'm still interested in her in case she's thinking that because I've been taking my time a bit to set up dates that I'm not that interested or something. It still could be some kind of misunderstanding that's stopping her from responding, I have no way of knowing and I'd like to. Also, "saving my dignity" isn't really of concern. We're talking about a person I'll never see again if she doesn't respond to my final text, and what I'm going to say isn't going to be anything undignified anyway. I'm just looking for the right words to say to get some sort of response.

 

I could say something like:

 

"Hey ____, how have you been? I was really hoping to see you again. If you're no longer interested I totally understand and no hard feelings, but if that's the case you can tell me, I'm a big boy haha."

 

Or I could take out the last part about her telling me, or maybe swap the last two sentences with "If you're no longer interested I totally understand, but I just wanted to make it clear that I'm really interested in case I didn't before, and I'd really like to see you again."

 

Or I could just FB friend her and see if she accepts, but that might be kind of weird at this point.

[ponchsox]

Text her a pic of your junk show her what she's missing

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

DEFINITELY not Option B. It sounds desperate. And definitely not the "I'm a big boy. Haha."

 

Here's the thing. If you're texting her, then she already knows you're interested. I agree with the others that you should let it go after 2 "no responses", but if you insist on sending a third. Keep it casual. "Hey, what's up? Haven't heard from you. Hope everything's okay."

 

If she still doesn't respond, then you have your answer set in stone.

[Dallers]

Never chase this is such a simple rule. It is not about if she responds or not it is all about you.

 

Men become clingy and needy by their actions and their lack of understanding of the female kind. Thoughts like this are bred from insecurity because you think you NEED her and put her on a pedestal. 99% of the time the reason you failed to acquire said women is because you came across as desperate or too available. There is no such thing as the friend zone it is a myth that stems from men failing to be men due to society making men weak and pathetic. You are "friend zoning" yourself she has not sparred a thought about you since she decided to give her focus to another man. You are dwelling on something that does not exist.

 

Stop chasing, never send one message too many, let her chase you, learn to walk away, love yourself and take a look in the mirror.

 

Your post and question is of a beta male.

Edited December 15, 2014 by Dallers

[Jules Dash]

Text her a pic of your junk show her what she's missing

 

Hilarious!

 

 

 

I really don't get all of this attachment and clingy behavior after 3 dates. Three dates is really not far from a stranger. What has she done for your life to warrant your persistent behavior? She has ignored you. The more messages you send will make you seem more annoying to her. Maybe, just maybe one message could have gotten lost in limbo but two?

 

Text her if you must but I think you will work against building up some solid dignity that will make you immune to these sort of situations in the future. The extra message won't suddenly turn her on. You ever notice how you never read a post about a person who finally got the woman to respond to him after the 3rd ignored message and the dating just picked up where it left?

 

Just send the message to clear your head but then I would move on.

[soyou]

Since you're curious and want to have a proper closesure/ re-confirmation, just text her for the 3rd and also the last time something like "Hey xxx, wassup? i havent heard anything from you so far. Hope everything is alright with you".

 

If she doesnt reply, you should know for yourself that she's not interested in. Good luck! Hope that your dignity doesnt hurt so much if she doesnt reply

[xyz1234]

Here's the thing. If you're texting her, then she already knows you're interested. I agree with the others that you should let it go after 2 "no responses", but if you insist on sending a third. Keep it casual. "Hey, what's up? Haven't heard from you. Hope everything's okay."

 

If she still doesn't respond, then you have your answer set in stone.

 

Thanks, I think I will say something along the lines of this or what soyou said.

 

To everyone who doesn't understand why I'm being kind of clingy, I'm not usually like this, it's just that this is an abnormal scenario where I liked this girl a lot more than I've liked anyone I've ever dated in the past after 3 dates. Plus, I probably spent more time with her than with anyone else in the first 3 dates. Something like 13 hours, and she invited me into her apartment and everything, initiated conversation and seemed genuinely interested after the 3rd date... it's just baffling.

 

I also took her to an NHL hockey game for the last date. The tickets were given to me for free last minute but still, they're super expensive and I took her instead of a friend because she had been saying how she wanted to go to a game. You'd think that alone would warrant someone at least telling you that they're not interested instead of totally leaving you hanging like an a**hole.

 

It also just seems kind of strange to behave this badly with someone who you've shown where you live. Girls always seem afraid of guys becoming "stalkers," and that's a totally legitimate concern, but I feel like this is exactly the type of behavior that would trigger that kind of response in a crazy person with those types of tendencies. I'm not one of them obviously, I just think that that alone should deter someone like this from disappearing...

[Dallers]

You are responding to our thoughts about you being clingy confirming exactly what we said. You think this girl is worth everything after 13 hours?!

 

Why would you ditch a friend to take a random girl to a NHL Hockey game. Can you not see that she just used you because she knew how much you were into her?

 

Sadly you will learn and find out the hard way as you are clearly inexperienced in the world of women. Listen to the above posters because they are right.

 

Stop trying to explain why your situation is different, it is not. It is no different to every other situation on here and the answer is always the same.

 

She owed you nothing after 13 hours or 3 dates you are a nobody to her just a guy that showed interest and decided to spoil her over a mate who deserved to go to the game a lot more than she did. Wake up.

[Jules Dash]

I'm not usually like this.

 

The most used statement on this site...

 

Your last post sound like you are saying "how could she do this to me after all that we shared."

 

Just send the last text and get your closure.

[smackie9]

They stop talking to you because they just don't want to. Get the hint, she's interested in someone else. Move on.

[irresolute]

Yeah text her or send her your junk

[Danda]

Thanks, I think I will say something along the lines of this or what soyou said.

 

To everyone who doesn't understand why I'm being kind of clingy, I'm not usually like this, it's just that this is an abnormal scenario where I liked this girl a lot more than I've liked anyone I've ever dated in the past after 3 dates. Plus, I probably spent more time with her than with anyone else in the first 3 dates. Something like 13 hours, and she invited me into her apartment and everything, initiated conversation and seemed genuinely interested after the 3rd date... it's just baffling.

 

I also took her to an NHL hockey game for the last date. The tickets were given to me for free last minute but still, they're super expensive and I took her instead of a friend because she had been saying how she wanted to go to a game. You'd think that alone would warrant someone at least telling you that they're not interested instead of totally leaving you hanging like an a**hole.

 

It also just seems kind of strange to behave this badly with someone who you've shown where you live. Girls always seem afraid of guys becoming "stalkers," and that's a totally legitimate concern, but I feel like this is exactly the type of behavior that would trigger that kind of response in a crazy person with those types of tendencies. I'm not one of them obviously, I just think that that alone should deter someone like this from disappearing...

 

So take it all the right ways.

 

She doesn't think you're crazy or a douche. She's not concerned that you're going to be a creepy stalker. This is a good sign for you.

 

Yes she's being rude. The majority of people (male and female) seem to do the "fade" or drop off the grid when not interested. It's probably happened to her multiple times and she probably thinks it's normal. I'm a woman and it's happened to me more times than I've done it to someone else lol. But just because it's becoming so common doesn't mean it's not rude. So it's simultaneously true that (A) you being miffed makes sense, and (B) you shouldn't take it personally or dwell on it.

 

You said yourself that other women are interested in dating you right now, but you haven't been as interested in them. You are just in the same scenario right now, having interest in someone who doesn't have interest in you. That's how dating tends to be until we're lucky enough to find mutual attraction/interest. And yes it sucks worse when they realize they're not interested after a few dates, when you were becoming more interested with each date. It definitely blows but it happens a lot.

 

So just remember

1. The fact that she's not concerned about you being a stalker or a psycho is a positive reflection on you.

2. Yes her behavior is rude and it's normal to feel miffed about it, but rest assured it's not personal at all and is in no way a reflection of you.

3. Just a few dates invested, you can definitely get to that point again with other women in the future.

4. You have multiple other women interested in dating you, so your outlook is especially good.

 

If you keep it all in perspective, you can brush it off and get back out there.

[sillyanswer]

I really don't want to lose this girl if the problem is just that she doesn't think I'm interested in her enough or something dumb like that.

 

It sounds like she's already lost.

[Ieris]

I think you should text her if you want, do what you gotta do. One last try lets say. Goodluck, I hope you get a reply!

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

Did you get a reply?

[xyz1234]

You are responding to our thoughts about you being clingy confirming exactly what we said. You think this girl is worth everything after 13 hours?!

 

I'm not saying she's worth everything after 13 hours. I'm just saying that it wasn't like we went on 3 drink/dinner dates for a total of 3 hours or something. Plus we texted a lot over the course of a month, so in total it's a pretty large investment of time. You'd think that with the fact that she was interested enough to invest that much time and still seemed interested after the third date, that she'd at least be a considerate enough person and tell me when that interest was gone.

 

Why would you ditch a friend to take a random girl to a NHL Hockey game. Can you not see that she just used you because she knew how much you were into her?

 

I didn't really ditch a friend, they didn't even know I went to the game. I didn't even know I was going until 3 hours before game time. I just got the tickets for free right at a time where I was trying to figure out what to do for the next date with this a**hole and I knew she wanted to go. But that's what I get for being a nice guy I guess.

 

They stop talking to you because they just don't want to. Get the hint, she's interested in someone else. Move on.

 

Doesn't make it any less of a f***ed thing to do when they've been completely leading you on. If she had just said "not interested anymore" I would have been hurt but accepted it and moved on. It's just the complete lack of decency to another human being that pisses me off so much. And then I think about how it's probably the majority of girls who would do this, and I just don't even want to date anymore.

[xyz1234]

So take it all the right ways.

 

She doesn't think you're crazy or a douche. She's not concerned that you're going to be a creepy stalker. This is a good sign for you.

 

Yes she's being rude. The majority of people (male and female) seem to do the "fade" or drop off the grid when not interested. It's probably happened to her multiple times and she probably thinks it's normal. I'm a woman and it's happened to me more times than I've done it to someone else lol. But just because it's becoming so common doesn't mean it's not rude. So it's simultaneously true that (A) you being miffed makes sense, and (B) you shouldn't take it personally or dwell on it.

 

The thing is, I think the way girls do the "fade" is so much worse than the way guys do it, or at least how I've done it. For instance, I've had times where I dated someone very briefly and then stopped initiating text conversations. I don't really see a problem with that, because if the girl had texted, asked me out again, etc, I would have responded and not just left them hanging. But they assume the guy will reach out to them, and all I'm doing is... not doing that. In those situations for all I know the girl wasn't that interested either. I have never in my life just stopped responding to someone who was trying to talk to me, no matter who it was or how little they meant to me, and I don't get how anyone could do that. I really feel like behaving that way toward someone should only be reserved for horrible people who truly deserve it.

 

You said yourself that other women are interested in dating you right now, but you haven't been as interested in them. You are just in the same scenario right now, having interest in someone who doesn't have interest in you. That's how dating tends to be until we're lucky enough to find mutual attraction/interest. And yes it sucks worse when they realize they're not interested after a few dates, when you were becoming more interested with each date. It definitely blows but it happens a lot.

 

So just remember

1. The fact that she's not concerned about you being a stalker or a psycho is a positive reflection on you.

2. Yes her behavior is rude and it's normal to feel miffed about it, but rest assured it's not personal at all and is in no way a reflection of you.

3. Just a few dates invested, you can definitely get to that point again with other women in the future.

4. You have multiple other women interested in dating you, so your outlook is especially good.

 

If you keep it all in perspective, you can brush it off and get back out there.

 

Thanks for helping me keep it in perspective, those are some good things to think about. As for number 4, it's only serving to make me more depressed. It does me no good at all to have girls interested in me that I'm not interested in, it just makes me feel bad for them. You know, because I'm a decent human being with empathy and everything. I guess I should just assume they aren't though and not feel so bad, since it seems like that's the case with a lot of people.

[xyz1234]

Did you get a reply?

 

Still haven't sent it, not sure if I will now. There really isn't much point, besides trying to get her to actually say she's no longer interested. When looking at my inbox on okcupid I saw that she recently changed her profile picture, so it's not like she died or anything or has a legitimate excuse.

[Diezel]

There are a couple odd things I can think of that could have turned her off, but I don't know for sure. For one, I noticed that she kept disabling and re-enabling her online dating account, so I started to wonder if she was checking on me to see if I had disabled mine (I didn't). Hers is also open at the moment so it doesn't appear she found someone else and ditched me for him.

 

So her online dating account is open at the moment... and that's how you know she didn't find someone else?

 

LOL, Really? Her profile is still active, she could be seeing 5 other guys right now. You wouldn't know but her silence is pretty indicative of it.

[Standard-Fare]

Just echoing the popular sentiment here:

 

Save your dignity and don't text her again. If she was interested, she would have gotten back to you by now. And the fact that she just changed her photo on the dating site proves that she's still out there looking for other guys.

 

After only three dates I'm sure she just figured that the fade-out was the easiest solution. It's definitely kind of rude/immature but try not to take it personally. It's more a reflection on her than it is on you.

[SomeDude16]

Text her, " Just a FYI you failed my text reflex test". I always use that one. Its funny, its assertive, and it leaves the ball in her court. If she still doesn't respond, you know where you stand.