Is love just enough? Or do you think compatability is a real necessity?

[DeaconFrost]

I've been battling with this one recently. My ex and I definitly loved each other very much. But it seemed that we just weren't capable of getting along well enough to the point where we both were happy and clicking at the same times.

 

Is love all that is needed? Can compromise really be enough to make it a real happy relationship, or is compatabilty in core areas a real necessity, i.e. affection levels, romance, introvert/extrovert, etc.?

 

Is there a point when the compromise needed may be too unnatural or unsustainable for a person to follow consistently?

 

What do you guys think? Does a person need to be on a similar level as you to make it a really enjoyable and healthy relationship?

[RecordProducer]

I personally think that compatibility is the deal maker/breaker. Love is good to start with, but when the sparkle fades out, you need to have some solid foundation on which you will build the lifetime relationship.

Without love, compatibility can survive. But without compatibility, love cannot survive. The basic compatibility categories would be:

 

1. intellectual abilities

2. mentality and cultural aspect

2. sex

3. mutual interests

4. financial comfort

5. emotional needs

6. life goals

7. work habits

8. entertainment needs

9. character compatibility

10. energy/enthusiasm compatibility

 

It's not enough to like the same music and share the same attitudes about life. Young couple usually claim they have a lot in common basing on things they will actually rarely need and use in every-day life. Cuz ever-day life is what makes life.

[moimeme]

Have a read of Relationships for Dummies. It's got a great set of questions on compatibility. You absolutely need compatibility to make it together, no question. Incompatibility will kill love dead.

[sarah12]

Originally posted by DeaconFrost

I've been battling with this one recently. My ex and I definitly loved each other very much. But it seemed that we just weren't capable of getting along well enough to the point where we both were happy and clicking at the same times.

Can you explain this a bit more? I'm just curious to understand what you meant about loving her but not being able to click. How do you love someone who you aren't able to always be compatible with?

 

Is love all that is needed? Can compromise really be enough to make it a real happy relationship, or is compatabilty in core areas a real necessity, i.e. affection levels, romance, introvert/extrovert, etc.?

What is love anyways? (I know, the million dollar question..) I mean, I think that compatability and compromises, affection levels, etc, are all PARTS of what make you love the person..so if the compatability parts aren't there, then it's hard to fully love the person.

 

Is there a point when the compromise needed may be too unnatural or unsustainable for a person to follow consistently?

 

I've never thought of it that way, but I do believe you could be right..I mean, I've always found that the best relationships are the one where things come very naturally..everything feels just natural, nothing is forced, because you have mutual needs and wants that are are also satisfied mutually..

[DeaconFrost]

I don' think its such a far fetched idea. We were compatible but not in a long term sense. We were very much compatible in the beginning but as time went on, the true colors began to show. We just had different expectations on how we wanted the relationship to operate. Her more friend and partner-like and me more lover and partner-like. I am much more intense in all areas than she is. You can love somebody very much but it happens all the time that you find out that you are just not as compatible as you thought with regards to sustainability.

 

As for the clicking thing, because we were opposite each other with regard to need states and levels we just weren't matching up when the other really needed the other in the sense of being natural.

 

I agree...I guess, if the two aren't hitting high on the compatibility scale than it's hard for the love to last long-term. If your not getting what you need you will eventually leave.

 

I think we didn't really share mutual needs at the extent that the other was on point totally. I guess my whole question was whether compromisation could supercede the areas where compatibility may have been the core issue. Its feeling and acting natural as oppossed to comprimising. That's what I think is the underlying issue.