very-confused-girl Posted March 22, 2005 Posted March 22, 2005 Hello everybody, to give you some introduction to my life-story. I am 23, have a 36 years old boyfriend who treats me like a queen, says to me 6 times a day (seriously!) that he loves me and it does not sound like cliche. He is giving me amazing compliments, telling me he is so proud of me, that I am the only girl in his life he can imagine having a family with..... We have been together for 1,5 years. Before he met me, he had couple of relationships but lets mention just the 2 most important ones. He was with a girl (Kate) for about 8 years. They felt this true deep love to each other, almost like brother and sister. They cared for each other very much. And then he had a 2 year relationship with Christine, but it wasnt a real love. It was just an obsession. He claims he was very sexualy attracted to her and he was crazy for her, his love for her was very intensive, but there was not the "solid" base of love at all. Now, he tells me, that I represent both of them to him. As in, he had a 8 year lasting relationship with a very caring girl and 2 year lasting relationship with a very sexual girl. To him, I represent very sexual girl, who he is extremely attracted to, but in the same time he feels very strong feeling of love to me and wants to have kids with me. He says this is the best combination of feelings he has EVER feel to anybody. Now, on the top of all he claims, he has never been turned on by anybody so much like me, he gets very animal-like when he is with me. It is truth, he wants to make love to me anytime I walk around. When we are apart, he claims he is obsessively masturbating to the thought of me, he even claims that he is so strongly attracted to me, that when he is thinking about me, sometimes he starts to shake. Now, you all would think that I should be very happy with this situation, as this is the best thing I can get. He loves me and in the same time he is obsessed by me. But I cant help myself, when he told me that he was obsessed with Christine, but what he feels to me is a mixture of obsession and love, it actually was not a compliment for me. I do put obsession probably a little bit higher than love. I dont know exactly what obsession is, but I can imagine, it is a situation where the guy wants to be with the girl all the time, he is constantly thinking about her, he cant get enough of her - he feels all these things to me. And it makes me feel good. It makes me feel good seeing that a guy is absolutely crazy for me. But what I am thinking about is whether he was not crazier for Christine. Because he felt PURE OBSESSION to her and what he feels to me is a mixture of obsession and love. So because the love is involved here (and love is generally calm steady feeling) it kind of "calms" the crazy part of his feelings for me. Do you know what I mean? That because he loves me, I think that he is actually less crazy for me than for Christine, to whom he felt PURE obsession. I just wanted to get advice, what your views are. Whether I should be happy about the feelings he feels for me. I know that I am probably worrying about bullsh*t here, but I have this paranoia in my head that I have to be number one girlfriend that he has ever had. I have to feel that he has the strongest and most intensive emotions for me than he had to previous ones. Please help me explain what is love, what is obsession and whether he is more involved emotionally with me than he was with Chrisitine. Thankx a lot!
scarface Posted March 22, 2005 Posted March 22, 2005 i would define obsession to be thinking about sex with a particular person 24/7....literally. a little creepy if you ask me but i can't blame him...u look pretty fine to me!
tanbark813 Posted March 22, 2005 Posted March 22, 2005 You're breaking down what he said too much. I would bet that what he meant is that he has at least as much obsession for you as he had for Christine, but he has the love in addition to that that he never had for her. If anything, he's trying to tell you that you mean twice as much to him as either of those girls, not that he's less obsessed with you than he was with Christine. Guys feel love with our hearts and obsession with our dicks. One does not directly influence the other.
WithOrWithoutYou Posted March 22, 2005 Posted March 22, 2005 I think what he was trying to say was that he has had two relationships in the past, that he got different things from. With Kate, he felt a deep friendship, and closeness, but something was missing (the incredible sexual attraction that makes him feel like an amimal was missing). With Christine, the incredible sexual attraction was there (what he calls obsession), but the deeper parts, the close friendship, and the feelings of wanting to be with her forever, have kids, etc. were missing. He is comparing you to both of them, because with you, he feels the best of both worlds. You are someone he feels that deep friendship and emotional connection for, who he feels that really close friendship and togetherness with, who he wants to have kids with, be with forever, etc. etc. - but who he ALSO wants to have wild and crazy sex with 24/7 and is obsessed with. You are everything he wanted both of those other relationships to be, but those other relationships never were! (And I'll agree with the other poster - I don't blame him, you're hot) Don't think that just because he talked a little too much about being obsessed in a past relationship that he doesn't feel that for you. He feels that, AND the other too. Be happy he is so into you - it sounds like he really is.
Soulfully Posted March 22, 2005 Posted March 22, 2005 Hey girl, I think you should chill a lil'. For one, just by reading what you wrote, I think you're letting your own personal insecurities get at you with this one. You needn`t be better, worst, or anything else than your boyfriend's exes. You are you, you are beautiful, you are unique... he loves you for you... and that has nothing to do with his past exes. Stop comparing...everyone is unique in their own ways. Live & enjoy the love you have now, not your past ones, not his past ones, not the possible future ones etc... Live and enjoy the now. And secondly, dont get me wrong here babe, but any kind of obsession can be unhealthy. And I dont know where you got the idea that the more obssessed we are with our loved ones, the better it is, or I love her best because I feel more obssessed about this one that the past exes. Please forgive me if I have misinterpreted your post, but please don't obssess about who he has felt more obssessed about in the past. I'd rather someone love me, not be obssessed with me. Peace, 1.
Author very-confused-girl Posted March 23, 2005 Author Posted March 23, 2005 Thank you so much everybody for your replies. I am really reading into things more than I should and whats more, I am misreading them . Thats my problem, you know, if my partner, friend, whoever starts talking about somebody else´s qualities (and they forget to mention that I have these qualities as well), I feel like that they think I dont have them. Therefore when he was talking about being obsessed with Christine, I kind of thought that he did not feel the same to me. Now I know that this is just my insecurities, you are right! And soulfully: Of course I enjoy, if somebody loves me, because it makes me feel cared for and protected and it kind of makes me feel "home". But if the guy is crazily attracted to me, it makes me feel good and desired as a woman Thank you so much again!
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