Ann253 Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 I've been dating a guy for about four month now. He's a great guy. He treats me well and is really nice to my kids. Last night I told him I loved him. I was super nervous, but I feel it so I wanted to tell him. He said it back and I couldn't be happier. I'm not the type of girl that says it to every guy I meet. Love is special and it really meant something for me to say it. Today I'm hanging out with him. His son has this note pad that he's using for homework. He sees a note from an old girlfriend and starts teasing him "hey dad, look, one of your girlfriends left you a note" it ended "I love you". So here the thing... I know he has a past, we are both single parents in our 30's. I know he's been with other girls. But now I'm not sure how special his "I love you" back to me was. He told me the note pad was old, that he had found it when looking for paper, and I get it because recently I found a note pad of my daughters from a few years ago, so I know it happens. We had talked a while ago, and said that we were exclusive. I asked him again today and he said we are. So my question is, what do I do now? Do I chalk this up to being inconsequential and just keep moving forward with the relationship, or should I worry that there is someone else? Before today I wasn't worried, but I'm horrible at picking up signs, I'm a trusting person and want to believe the person I'm with. But I've also been cheated on my every man I've ever been with. Any advise would be appreciated. Thanks.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 I think you're making a big deal out of nothing. 1
doeblin Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 You are overthinking this. Ruminating on ex-girlfriends won't help your budding relationship. The question is what over the top response are you expecting from him so you can grant him clemency? Because in truth, there is nothing to mend. It's the past. I understand you've been cheated on before, but this isn't really a red flag. You should forget about it. Don't pester him about this. Try to enjoy what you have. 1
Author Ann253 Posted December 15, 2014 Author Posted December 15, 2014 Thanks! I do tend to over think things.
Dallers Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 This is a you problem and something you need to work on. Figure out what pain from your past is causing this feeling and remove it. Takes time and patience. The simple way of resolving insecurity is facing it head on and understanding the fear. Once you overcome that then you begin to improve with time. We all have our demons but they come from our upbringing and past. Jealousy is most common and you need to understand that you will feel like this with every man until you address it. If you don't you risk losing him and you will look back on how you reacted with disbelief because you are making a mountain out of a molehill your self-conscious is creating.
Dallers Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 This is a you problem and something you need to work on. Figure out what pain from your past is causing this feeling and remove it. Takes time and patience. The simple way of resolving insecurity is facing it head on and understanding the fear. Once you overcome that then you begin to improve with time. We all have our demons but they come from our upbringing and past. Jealousy is most common and you need to understand that you will feel like this with every man until you address it. If you don't you risk losing him and you will look back on how you reacted with disbelief because you are making a mountain out of a molehill your self-conscious is creating.
Author Ann253 Posted December 15, 2014 Author Posted December 15, 2014 For me I usually over think it, but I know that I have that issue. So then I tell myself I am overreacting and dont do anything. I've missed red flags in past relationships because I thought it was just me over thinking the situation. That's why I wasn't sure with this. I don't think it is anything to get upset about, and I didn't make a big deal out of it. But then I started wondering if it was something I should worry about.
Toodaloo Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 Oh God - Stop worrying. It may not even have been an old girlfriend. I am always leaving stupid notes like that in the note books of my bosses. It means absolutely nothing at all and their wives would laugh their heads off if they saw some of the stuff I write so they feel "special"... Its a joke between us all. Just ignore it and next year write your own note in a note pad he is actually using!
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