GravityMan Posted December 17, 2014 Posted December 17, 2014 OP, most people who are too nice tend to lack a spine. People generally don't respect those who won't push back occasionally, voice their own opinions and stand up for themselves. You can have a backbone and still treat people great...that's what good men and women do. This goes way beyond dating and relationships - it's a general and valuable life lesson that's applicable in all sorts of situations. And it's something that's usually taught to most people while they're still kids. People who are too nice are often targets for all the wrong reasons...they are significantly more susceptible to being used, screwed, BSed, picked on and taken advantage of. They are also more likely to be cowards and not step in when the situation DEMANDS a strong response or firm action that risks stepping on others' toes. Doormats and insecure people are very easy for many people to spot. I believe there have been studies done where folks were able to spot the spineless person out of a lineup of people with uncanny accuracy. "Too nice" is usually a friendly way of saying "grow a pair". The person telling you that is sending you a message. Sometimes you just gotta cut out the gentle behavior and assertively & spontaneously go after what you want. Good and experienced people intuitively know when to do that and when not to. Remember that humans are still animals. That said, we don't know if that's what your GF meant when she said that. It's common for folks to say irrational stuff when they're drunk. Comes with the territory. The worst thing you can do is try to change who you are at the core to please someone else. Instead, make tweaks here and there as a means of self-improvement.
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