Don't Even Go There

[CurlyTraveller]

Hey guys.

 

So recently I've found myself fantasising about the possibility of reconciling with my ex. This came after a period of No Contact ended with meeting her for coffee last week. That meeting inspired me to write a list of reasons why I shouldn't even be considering ANY kind of relationship with her, whether that be friendship, reconciliation or whatever. I'm posting this list in the hope that others may be able to relate or find some kind of solace in it.

 

 

1. You're not over it. Maybe you thought you were when you first reached out the hand of friendship, but now it is quite clear that you are not. You are still far too emotionally affected by her responses (or lack thereof) towards you. This has the potential to not only cause you unnecessary worry and heartache, but also clouds your judgement and leads you to make poor decisions.

 

2. She hasn't shown signs of genuine remorse. Yes, she broke your heart and stomped on it, and its obvious she is carrying tremendous guilt. But how much of that comes from real affection for you, and how much of that simply comes from feeling like a bad person is still very much unclear.

 

3. You do not want to create the impression that you condone her behaviour. It is commendable that you have the ability to forgive, even while the pain is so fresh. And yes, by hanging onto resentment you are only hurting yourself. However, have you considered how your actions may look to her? Acting like it was no big deal cheapens all the pain you went through and releases her from being accountable for her actions.

 

4. You've learned your lessons and are committed to change; she's still on the rebound. After the breakup, you did a ton of soul searching, recognised your faults in the relationship and how you contributed to the breakup, and committed to being a better partner in the future. She ran straight into the arms of another man. Its very unlikely that she has given herself the space to grieve and acknowledge her own faults in that time.

 

5. Its too soon. Two months of no contact might seem like a long time, but its really not that long at all. Even if you've both learned your lessons from the breakup, it will be hard not to slip back into the same toxic communication patterns that lead to the breakup in the first place.

 

6. The girl you loved no longer exists. When you met her she was a kind hearted, naive young woman who had never been in a serious relationship. Now she is the girl who dumped you and slept with someone else after you moved countries to be with her. Do you think you can really move past that? And even if you can, maybe she can't. The innocence of your relationship has been lost, and that's something you can never get back.

 

7. It probably wasn't going to work in the long term anyway. Yes, you two seem very compatible on paper. You have very similar values and enjoy the same things. You even have many of the same long term goals, except for one: she wants to have kids soon (within the next 5 years) and you most certainly don't. Also the fact that you are from different countries means that you'll probably need to get married at some stage just to keep the relationship going. You are not ready for that.

 

8. You've never dated anyone else. Yes, there were girls before her, but this was your first serious relationship. You have nothing else to compare it too. Hoping that she might one day come around prevents you from truly moving forward and being happy either alone or with someone else. You have come out of that relationship more attractive and confident than you've ever been in your life. You have more girls around you than you know what to do with. You need to get out and explore, instead of holding out a candle for someone who plainly isn't doing the same for you.

 

It's time to forget her and move on.