FootballFan Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 So my long-term girlfriend and I broke up about a year and a half ago and have remained friends since. We have not had sex or any hanky panky in about a year now, and honestly I have no desire to go there with her. The split was amicable and I even invited her over for Thanksgiving dinner at my family's place because she otherwise would've been alone. A couple months ago she asked me if she wanted to go to Paris/London with her for a week and a half. Her good friend was getting married over there. Initially I was excited because I've never been to Europe before so I agreed. Everything is already paid for but lately I've been having serious doubts about taking this trip. Just a few weeks ago I began dating a new woman who I really like and she has already once brought up her concerns about my ex-girlfriend. I told the new woman I'm seeing that we're just friends (which is true). I'm not officially committed to anyone (and no way I'm going to be hooking up with my ex on the trip) so I'm really thrown for a loop on what to do. So should I take the trip or tell my ex-girlfriend that I can't go? Interested to hear your opinions.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 No, I don't think you should go. That's inviting trouble. You're perhaps not committed to the new woman, but going on a trip with your ex will more than likely spell the end of whatever's developing with her. If she's already expressed concern about your ex, taking a European holiday is going to put the nail in that coffin. 3
Donnie Darko Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 I recommend that you definitely go to Europe and have fun. You have remained friends with your ex for over a year now with out any hookups. Visiting Europe and travelling will broaden your experiences and probably spark an interest in traveling and exploring and learning about different cultures. And let's be honest here...in all likelihood you probably aren't going to end up in a LTR with either your ex or the new girl that you started seeing. You are not even in an exclusive relationship with the new girl and you are thinking about cancelling a trip to see Europe. Most people don't get that many opportunities to travel to Europe or they never actually act on them. 2
Author FootballFan Posted December 15, 2014 Author Posted December 15, 2014 Thanks for the advice guys. Still haven't decided what I'm going to do but I'm going to think about it for a few more days and make my decision.
Toodaloo Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 If a new potential lover of mine went on a trip with his ex, to whom he still close, with out me then I am afraid my knickers would be on absolute lock down, my guards would be up higher than the clouds and it is very unlikely that I would be seeing him again... Even if I went my hackles would be straight up ALL the time. You have seen this woman naked. That is a BIG danger zone for a few years after a relationship has ended. Its a BIG no no if you are still introducing her as your ex and not simply as your friend. Do you want someone in your life, that you could go and spend time travelling round Europe with or do you want to be great mates with an ex forever and ever and ever and ever and ever, while she dates other people and you live off of short term relationships... I personally would not dream of doing this to a partner regardless of the length of time I have been seeing them. It is completely and utterly disrespectful. It also strongly suggests that you are not at all over your ex and should not be dating at all. If you were fully single on the other hand no problem. 1
central Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 If you want to go, go. You're not even exclusive with the new gf, and who knows how long she'll last, anyway? It's not often you get a free trip to someplace really cool to visit. Besides, you committed to going - if she can recover the expense or find someone else to go so the money's isn't wasted, then back out if you like. Otherwise, I think you owe her the cost of the trip if she can't.
Gloria25 Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 (edited) Even though I wasn't exclusive with a guy, him communicating with an ex - ESPECIALLY a year and a half after it was over AND taking a trip to Europe with her, would be a red flag for me. I mean, taking a trip to Europe with an ex is not like catching a movie with an ex and friends of the same social circle you two used to share. Big difference. I'd dump him cuz obviously he isn't over his ex. Now, even "if" I might believe that he didn't still harbor feelings for his ex, I'd still question his maturity and judgment. Cuz, what if the ex is the one who won't let go and he does not realize/care that this trip to Europe might mean something to her? What if she's his "fallback" girl, that he runs to every now and then? Mya - "Case of the ex (Whatcha Gonna Do)" Edited December 15, 2014 by Gloria25 1
Author FootballFan Posted December 17, 2014 Author Posted December 17, 2014 UPDATE: After a lot of thinking I've decided to continue with my plans for the trip since I've already committed to it before I ever met her, money has been paid, and I'm absolutely positive without a doubt in my mind nothing romantic/physical is going to happen. This is really a once in a lifetime opportunity for me to travel to there. I've only been on a few dates with this new girl and even though I really like her I'll absolutely be kicking myself if it doesn't work out and I didn't go. I'm not sure if I even need to tell her about the trip since we've only been on a few dates. By the time the trip comes up I won't even have known her a month and a half. Thanks for all your insightful advice, I took it all into consideration! 4
Donnie Darko Posted December 20, 2014 Posted December 20, 2014 You made the correct decision. Have fun. Watch out for pickpockets. Keep your wallet and passport in your FRONT pocket. The best thing is that you have your passport and you are going to experience travelling to a couple of foreign countries. Please report back how the trip goes.
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