Feelbettersoon Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 (edited) I always find myself wondering how the dumper (my ex) feels about what he has done. We were together 2 years and friends for years before and had a fun, exciting relationship (in mid twenties). Dumped me out of the blue and didn't contact me much, then all contact stopped after we met one day to talk about what had happened, then i found out from a mutal friend he was infact already in a relationship a week or two after dumping me with a girl who always pursued him during our relationship. That stung, but I never contacted him and I'm sure he knows that Iv found out by now. I know he really did love me for majority of our relationship (maybe not that last few months after this happening) and I was a massive part of his life and helped him through a really bad period too. Does the dumper ever feel guilty or wonder what they have done? It's something I find myself trying to figure out and I over think about. To me I find it bizzare to be able to switch off and dump someone without looking back? Edited December 14, 2014 by Feelbettersoon Spelling error 1
erklat Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Yes, they do. I contacted my first long term ex after 27 months. But ask yourself, what do you get from his contact once he hits rough patch in his life?
JMOC Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 I did something like this at the start of the year. I missed her greatly. She had done so much for me and to this day I still hold a huge part of my heart for her and miss her. But at the time I knew it was the right choice I guess. Now I know it probably wasnt and may want to see where she is or what is happening. But I know she is long over what she fought for and that there is no point. I guess what I am saying is he definitely does feel he just wont show it to you. I know it seems cruel now but he is doing what is right for you and you will see it soon enough . 2
organizedchaos Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 I always find myself wondering how the dumper (my ex) feels about what he has done. We were together 2 years and friends for years before and had a fun, exciting relationship (in mid twenties). Dumped me out of the blue and didn't contact me much, then all contact stopped after we met one day to talk about what had happened, then i found out from a mutal friend he was infact already in a relationship a week or two after dumping me with a girl who always pursued him during our relationship. That stung, but I never contacted him and I'm sure he knows that Iv found out by now. I know he really did love me for majority of our relationship (maybe not that last few months after this happening) and I was a massive part of his life and helped him through a really bad period too. Does the dumper ever feel guilty or wonder what they have done? It's something I find myself trying to figure out and I over think about. To me I find it bizzare to be able to switch off and dump someone without looking back? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/505994-inside-mind-dumper
happiness0421 Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/505994-inside-mind-dumper Organizedchaos, thanks for sharing my post from yesterday - was just about to do so myself. OP - I am female and your dumper was male, so there may be variances. I have been on both sides of the coin and while I have to say that both suck, being the dumper is a very unique and hard kind of pain/guilt that you will live with for a very long time, even after your ex-SO finds someone else.
Author Feelbettersoon Posted December 15, 2014 Author Posted December 15, 2014 The person who wrote that seems to really care and is kind. They are hurting just as much as their SO. My ex was nasty, we met 6wks after BU to talk and told me he hasn't met anyone and wouldn't do that too soon as it would make me feel like we didn't matter - he was already with her at the time...
thefooloftheyear Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 Depends.... In my experience, no two people are the same, when it comes to ending relationships..Some people will give up on relatively good relationships easily as changing a pair of socks, while others stay in bad relationships for years because they just cant stand the thought of the potential guilt involved with hurting someone else or for some other deep seated reason... Sorry, but there is just no "textbook" answer here... TFY
happiness0421 Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 ...while others stay in bad relationships for years because they just cant stand the thought of the potential guilt involved with hurting someone else or for some other deep seated reason... This describes me to a T, especially in my most recent relationship. Did I love him? Yes. Did I realize, after a certain point, that the love I was feeling was not enough to see myself with him for the rest of my life? Unfortunately, yes. I wanted so bad to believe differently, and I felt so guilty for feeling the way that I did. It's the guilt that tends to keep the dumper around longer than they probably should stay, and it's the guilt that eats them up after the dumping happens, too.
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