venusinlibra Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Never felt like this before and I know it's real. We didn't date long before his world crashed down (job demotion, pay cut, and close death in family three days apart). Before this, he panicked and said i was the one. He leaned on me during his job issues, but shut down completely after the death. Although he still quizzed me on my dating status, he said he wasn't in the right place for a relationship until he got his life together. I agreed with him, and said I would do the same thing. There has been four months of silence. I've dated so many guys, more than I ever have, but can't forget about him. I did break down and send him a light, breezy email asking what's been going on and asked his advice on something regarding his industry. Havent heard anything back. I know he won't be back until his life is back on track, and he's having hard time finding a new job. My question is, what do I do for now? I know that one day, he'll be back. I can't find any other guys I like enough, and I know I will be with him anyway. Any other guy would have been a faded memory by now. My hairstylist said she never even heard me talk about the same guy at two appointments until I met him. How do I live life and date others when I already know who I will wind up with?
smackie9 Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Sorry but if a guy was THAT into you, he wouldn't let anything get in the way. From my perspective, I find his misfortune a little fishy, but that just me. My advice, you need to move on. Four months of silence.....he ain't coming back. 3
Gloria25 Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Sometimes they do come back..... When I just broke up with someone, I'd entertain those fantasies, but then I get over them...and yeah, when they roll around I feel nothing. Give it time, you'll be over him. Even "if" he comes back, by that time you'd heal and be able to realize you didn't need him that much.
Author venusinlibra Posted December 14, 2014 Author Posted December 14, 2014 (edited) Thanks for the input. Smackie, I thought the misfortune seemed fishy too, but I definitely saw the proof that it really happened. Gloria25, thank you. Going to keep giving it time, but thought that five months that have passed would have been more than enough time to forget.....guess not. Does anyone have other thoughts? Edited December 14, 2014 by venusinlibra
ExpatInItaly Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 I wouldn't be holding out for him, OP. Hard as it is, you need to stop telling yourself that this is the one, that he's coming back. You have no evidence so far that's going to happen. I'm not saying it's impossible, but chances sound slim. You certainly aren't doing yourself any favours by staying stuck in that mindset. 2
genuinelyloverly7 Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 This dating scenario is like watching for toast to pop- as soon as you take your eyes off of him he will be back. I don't know about the reality of his issues, but regardless, focus on yourself, and enjoy your life. That will allow you to heal, or grow into the happy and non-resentment-filled person who he remembers when he does come around all shiny from his own inner-prep time. And if he doesn't come back, your not still stuck on him emotionally when Mr. Right comes along. 1
writergal Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 You know, I doubt that he will be back. My brother-in-law was dating my sister when our father died. She didn't break up with him / nor he her, just because that happened. If anything, it drew them closer emotionally and cemented their love for each other. Less than a year later they were engaged and a then married a year later. If someone breaks up with you citing reasons like job loss / death in the family, etc., it's because they don't want to be with you anymore. If they can't be with you at their lowest times (and let's face it, there are low times in everyone's life), then they don't view you as someone they want to be with during their low times. Soldiers don't even break up with their girlfriends when they get shipped abroad for training / combat. So, OP, sorry but I think your guy is a weasel and if I were you I wouldn't keep one foot in the past waiting for him. I'd just move on with life and hope that you meet another guy who sweeps you off of your feet and doesn't abandon you short of being hauled off to jail for some felony he commits. But even jailbirds don't dump their girlfriends. Do they?
Jules Dash Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 Sorry but if a guy was THAT into you, he wouldn't let anything get in the way. From my perspective, I find his misfortune a little fishy, but that just me. My advice, you need to move on. Four months of silence.....he ain't coming back. I would wonder if he had a hard time rejecting you so he had to get creative. I just can't help but wonder.
FootballFan Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 Honestly I wouldn't be holding out hope for this guy to make his return anytime soon if ever. As a guy if there was a woman I was really interested in I wouldn't let her go in the first place even if my life was a mess. Another big sign was that he didn't even respond to your message. Yeah there's a chance he'll come back around but if and when he does you should be a lot stronger by then and realize he wasn't everything you were building him up to be. Finding those who we really like and connect with are few and far between but keep looking and eventually you'll find a guy that's 10x's the guy you're missing right now is. 1
JJOlay Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 I don't know how you came to the conclusion you will end up with him. I had the same idea about a girl and five years later, she is no where to be found. I'd say appreciate what you had, and maybe shoot him another email or text. Don't stop yourself from having something with someone else though !!
Diezel Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 My question is, what do I do for now? I know that one day, he'll be back./QUOTE] Nope, no you don't. It's not a guarantee, AT ALL. Getting his life back on track excluded you. He's not going to reintroduce that later. We can't always put our emotional lives' on hold for others. It's not fair to you. So why expect him to come back?
GemmaUK Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 If I was dating someone and had all of that happen I would think about how into that person I was and what my own priorities were. If I wasn't that into the guy then I would end things and concentrate on my priorities. That also means that I would not return as I clearly wasn't feeling it in the first place.
elaine567 Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 When disasters happen, we want the people that are closest to us around. Very occasionally when a person gets bad news about their health or their mental state, they will go hide away and tell those they love that they are better off without them. But that is very rare, most will want the support offered. You hadn't dated long, he had stuff to deal with and he made the choice that he didn't want you around. He made it clear and is still making it clear in that he has not got back in touch with you for 5 months. Not even a "Hi" - zilch. He is not into you, if he had been he would have cried on your shoulder and the two of you would have faced the disasters together as that is what being in a good relationship is all about. If someone is going to push you away as soon as they are hurting, then is that the kind of person you want to get seriously involved with anyway? I know you have found it difficult to date, but perhaps you just need time to get over him. Sort yourself out, then when you have accepted he is never coming back, then start dating. It is very unfair to the people you are dating, if you are, in fact "unavailable". Once you have your head together and once you know you are truly "available", then start dating again.
Toodaloo Posted December 15, 2014 Posted December 15, 2014 I know that one day, he'll be back. Sorry but I don't think this guy will be. Sometimes people do like to go away and sort themselves out but they keep in touch some how. There is always a thread left so they can come back. This guy has left nothing. My advice is to stop dating for a while as you are clearly not over this guy. Go out and have some fun and so things you enjoy. Then when the day arrives that you haven't thought about him you can start dating again. Not only will you be in a far better place to date but you will also be in a far better place for men who will treat you well (i.e. emotionally available).
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