runredlights Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Hello all this is going to be quite a long story so bear with me. I'm 23 and she is 20. I just graduated from college and am looking for work while she still has another year and a half of undergrad. We both live in the same town and I’m looking for work in the same town too. My now ex girlfriend and I have just broken up 3 days ago. We had a very happy 3 year relationship with each other. In less than a weeks time my girlfriend cheated on me when she was blackout drunk, expressed that she was "bored" ,"we're in a rut", "if you want a break I understand" and did a complete 180 on how she feels about the relationship altogether in the days coming to the breakup. As I am older and now graduated I can see the problems in the age gap, but it was never an issue before, even when she was a senior in HS and I was an underclassman. She brought up the age gap as a reason, which was never a hindrance in the past. Although Id like to say that this breakup was mutual it wasn't. I do feel like I have to let her go though especially since she is the one feeling confused and unsure about what she wants immediately after cheating on me. I feel like she should have been doing anything in her power fix things, not drop the ball and say she wants out. She essentially told me that she had been feeling confused, wanted to learn to be independent and not on me, things of that nature. All of these things sound cliche but I have to wonder if there was another motive. I asked her repeatedly if there was someone else and she denied it. I know that I don’t deserve any of this and that is what is slowly helping me get over her. I still am in love with her and she said during the break up that she loves me and is still in love with me, but needs to do what is going to be best for her. It was a rough conversation to have and she was bawling so I could see that she legitimately felt horrible as well. I saw none of this coming. We hung out 3 or 4 days a week and always slept over at each others houses. My gf and I had a great sex life, almost every time we saw each other and initiated by the both of us. There was no sign or warning of this to me at all and I am still in shambles. I feel like maybe this was a long time coming and she jut never had it in her to express that she was looking to leave. Maybe when she hooked up with this guy (which was just making out and nothing more) she felt a spark or that initial excitement of flirting, meeting, getting physical with someone new for the first time and she just wants to explore other things. My head tells me that I should just accept that its over and run before I get hurt anymore. I had been bored in our relationship in the past, but never acted on my feelings and they seemed to go away when I remembered how much I love this girl. I now know that when a girl doesn't know what she wants then that means she doesn't want YOU. I don't feel like I deserved to be in a relationship with someone who can't only be "half in it" and only with someone who genuinely wants me and isn't on the fence. This is probably one of the hardest things ill ever have to do in my life. She was my best friend and I am really going to miss not having this special person in my life anymore. She lost her virginity to me and we are both each others first loves. I feel upset, angry, and lonely. The thing is that I am trying soo hard to move on but all I can do is think about what she is doing and if she is even suffering even as remotely close as I am. I really do hope that the girl is happy, but I must move on and eventually be happy myself. I know I would be a fool to take her back after she broke my heart. And if she does decide this was all a huge mistake and the grass wasn't greener I don't know if I can bear to learn if she had been with someone else in the time apart. Any sexual expletives she may or may not have been up to. I'd love to hear from any of you who have had similar circumstance or from females who have been on the other side and what it means unfiltered. I just don’t understand why it ended so abruptly.
sober and dry Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Oh man... I'm in a similar ****... Sorry for what's happening to you too. There are some things I can tell you. First of all, if your relationship is to be, it will be, but it MUST be HER to work for it and very, very hard. With that been said, think about it, you know she cheated on you, but trust me, she will deny it to the very last chance until she get her head in place, and that's just a fact and that's go on to everything else she did/will tell you in this time. The cliche things is just that, cliche and easy excuses. She just drooped the ball as you said and went away to whatever she wants. You have to keep looking for yourself, and only yourself and let it all go until the day she wake up or you move on. BUT don't keep waiting for her to wake up because you will only keep suffering and hurting yourself and loosing your life. You must really do what you fell "just accept that its over and run before I get hurt anymore" If she eventually decide that the "grass wasn't greener", she will have to work very hard and very long for you just to start thinking about going back and then, eventually, go back. There are some hard facts for you to think about it right now. Will you ever be able to trust her completely? You will believe she will never do that to you again? I know this questions are very hard to answer, and you may not be able to answer that straight away, but trust me you will and you must, right now! Stay strong man and move forward, remember NC at all cost! You will get trough it and be happy sooner then you think! If you want read my story in here, it's similar and there are some very good answers there! 1
Author runredlights Posted December 14, 2014 Author Posted December 14, 2014 Sober and Dry thanks for the good advice. But what do you mean by she will deny it? Deny what? She did admit to cheating on me and called me the very next morning crying if that is what you were referring to. How long since it been since you and your girlfriend split? I have been successfully taking the NC rule and i almost caved and called her, but i am so glad i didn't.
HurtGator Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 Sober and Dry thanks for the good advice. But what do you mean by she will deny it? Deny what? She did admit to cheating on me and called me the very next morning crying if that is what you were referring to. How long since it been since you and your girlfriend split? I have been successfully taking the NC rule and i almost caved and called her, but i am so glad i didn't. Why do you want to be with someone who cheated on you?? I don't get that.
johnissad Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 I feel you pain. You can look at my last post on my thread to see how I can relate. Time to move on and don't look back...the future is bright and full of suprises!!
Author runredlights Posted December 14, 2014 Author Posted December 14, 2014 Sober and Dry seems to be saying (unless i am misunderstanding) is that maybe she did more than just make out with the guy. At least that is what I think he is saying. From what my ex told me, she made out with the guy on a couch and she only remembers bits and pieces of it, but she said she woke up next to him with all of her clothes on which is appalling of course. I had made out with another girl like not even 6 months into the relationship when I was blacked out as well. So i felt like I didn't have as much room to berate her since i was guilty of that at one time as well. But when she cheats on me 3 YEARS into a relationship i think that speaks volumes, especially since she woke up next to the guy. I don't wanna go down a rabbit trail now and wonder if anything else did actually happen that she's not fessed up to yet though.
Author runredlights Posted December 14, 2014 Author Posted December 14, 2014 Id love to take a look at everyone else's replys and pageswho is responding to this and thank you so much for the advice. Iv got my mom and a buddys girlfriend to confide this stuff other than my male friends. The people like you guys who have been through it or if there are women that get on this thread that may have an idea are probably the most useful sources to get info from. Other than that iv resorted to asking strangers on the internet ha. Theres just so many unanswered questions i feel like. But she's younger and never been with anyone from me so that could be the biggest factor in all of this.
sober and dry Posted December 14, 2014 Posted December 14, 2014 (edited) You right I said it wrong, and my english sucks... What I mean is, she will never admit everything else, things like, what really went wrong in the relationship, what is really on her head and so on, that kind of things she doesn't really understand herself, until she really do understand. But by then it will be late, I think it already is sorry. I had made out with another girl like not even 6 months into the relationship when I was blacked out as well. So i felt like I didn't have as much room to berate her since i was guilty of that at one time as well. But when she cheats on me 3 YEARS into a relationship i think that speaks volumes, especially since she woke up next to the guy. I don't wanna go down a rabbit trail now and wonder if anything else did actually happen that she's not fessed up to yet though. Man that's to bad, so your relation started and "thrived" in betrayals... How old are you and her?? Are you seeing what I telling you? Not in 6 months not in day one not in the last. Unless you where in a open relationship (I will never understand that) it's just wrong from the beginning... Man try to learn something with it, you had a relationship (bad or not) and it's over, so what can you do? Two things: move on right now, learn everything you can! PS:We started to split 08-11 and I break it up 05-12, since then NC with her, but broke it with her mother a week ago and I see the mistake now. Edited December 14, 2014 by sober and dry
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